'I Hear Lots Of Boats Get Lost There'

In a first-year medical school anatomy class:
Professor: "This section will be really easy. You'll feel like you're on vacation."
Student: (whispering) "None of my vacations start with the anal triangle!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

Overheard At Dry Cleaner's

Woman: "I need to speak to the owner, Orville."
Clerk: "Do you mean Wilbur?"

OVERHEARD BY JOEL

Woman At Airport Security With Appropriate Level Of Self-Esteem

"He asked me if I was worried about him coming in on me while I was changing, and I told him that would be his nightmare, not mine."

OVERHEARD BY BFD

Must Work In Advertising

Businessman To Two Other Businessmen: "All you have to do is treat me like I'm God."

OVERHEARD BY LADY OF THE ICE

Good Thing She Doesn't Drive A Hummer

Girl 1: "I wish you wouldn't park in the only guest parking spot. It's not fair to others."
Girl 2: "Well, I only park in that spot when no one else is parked there."

OVERHEARD BY CINDY

Girl On 48 MUNI Bus

“She’s so stupid, if she wasn’t Asian, she’d totally be blonde.”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Two Mothers With Babies Having Lunch At A Cafe

Mom 1: "Do you suppose the nipple was the inspiration for the bullseye design?"
Mom 2: "I think bulls' eyes were probably the inspiration for the bullseye design."

OVERHEARD BY KERRY

After Only 10 Minutes Of Googling, You'll Know Why This Is Funny

Costume History Professor: (showing a slide of a Roman emperor's statue) "So, how can we tell he's Roman?"
Well-Informed Student:"Because he's Constantine?"

OVERHEARD BY JACQUELINE

No Moms Left Behind

Daughter: "You know, elephants are the only animals that can't jump. I wonder why."
Mother: "OH! I bet it's because they have four legs!"

OVERHEARD BY LAQUITHA

'No, That'd Be Suicide'

Girl: "So...what does weed killer do?"
Sister: "It kills weeds."
Girl: "So, do the weeds just, like, pop out of the ground then?"

OVERHEARD BY STEF

Guy At Party, To Guy Throwing Out Lots Of 'Icebreakers' At Party

“Dude, did you write the questions for Scruples or something?”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Single, Childless Woman, On Her Niece Having A Baby

"I've been lapped, procreatively speaking."

OVERHEARD BY MARTHA

Mother And Daughter At Gym In Manchester, England

Mum: "Hey, they do yoga here."
Daughter: "What's yoga? Is it like aerobics?"
Mum: "No, it makes you more flexible and toned."
Daughter: "Can you lose weight?"
Mum: "No, love, stop fuckin' eatin'; maybe then you'll lose weight."

OVERHEARD BY JAYNA

Cell Phone Guy On 48 Bus, Seducing A Lover, Perhaps?

"Look, I don't fucking care what you do with it. Rub it all over your chest if that's what you're feeling up to."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANA

A David Mamet Play Comes To Life

Three well-dressed middle-aged guys are in a restaurant:
Guy 1: "You're a dickless wonder, you know that?"
Waitress: "Everyone okay here?"
Guy 2: "Some of us are okay. Some of us have issues."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE