Nerds In Love

Guy: "You're such a big nerd, but I still love you."
Girl: "I'm not a nerd, I'm an intellect!"
Guy: "Okay, see, right there...."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Non-San Franciscans Will Have No Idea What This Means

Dude Walking Down Valencia Street: "I could never date a Mission girl. She'd see right through me."

OVERHEARD BY JACQUI

'He's A Busy Guy; He's Got Places To Be...."

Girl 1: "I can't believe daylight savings was last week and Easter is this month, too."
Girl 2: "I thought easter was in April."
Girl 1: "Not this year."
Girl 2: "What, did Jesus rise up early this year!?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'Some Names Are Just Too Un-American To Handle'

Omry: "I want a meal number five."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. Anything else?"
Omry: "No."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. What's your name?"
Omry: "Omry."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Uhhh.... Mike?"
Omry: (sighs) "...Mike."

OVERHEARD BY YANIV

Overheard In Medical School

Instructor: "When interviewing a male patient about how much alcohol he drinks, multiply his answer by 2; for his sex life, divide his answer by two."
Male Student: "What about female patients?"
Female Student (From The Back Of The Room): "Multiply both by five!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

Little Girl With A Clear Case Of Cabin Fever

"I'm gonna jump up and down until I get a bad, bad spanking."

OVERHEARD BY JIM

World's Best Way To Start A Story

Old Guy: "You see that bar over there? That's a gay bar. Now, I didn't know that at first...."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'Cause You Look So Humongously...I Mean, Cause You're Such A Giant...I Mean...Congratulations'

Woman At Baby Shower: "Hey, maybe you'll have a 15 pound baby!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Women Watching 'Deal Or No Deal' At Work

Woman 1: "You should get you one of those dresses and wear it for his birthday."
Woman 2: "Oh, no. I'm not like that."
Woman 1: "Yeah, they sure got their puppies way up there, don't they?"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

'So She's Really More Of An Investment'

Man In Wal-Mart: "This is my wife, but I get a crazy check for her every month."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy On MUNI: Your Place For Politics

"I've got to stop watching politics on TV. Last night I dreamt about Evan Bayh."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

A Bunch Of Old Farts At Breakfast

Old Guy 1: "Have I ever shown you pictures of my grandkids?"
Old Guy 2: "No, that's what I've always liked about you."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Who's Really, Really Lost

"Is that the Eiffel Tower?...Oh, no, it's an oil rig."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Motivational Speech By McDonald's Manager

Manager: "Smile! Let everybody see your teeth."
Employee: "What if you don't have any teeth?"
Manager: "Let 'em see your gums!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

We're Guessing She Meant Something Cleaner

Girl 1: "Can I do a small load at your house?"
Girl 2: "In my toilet?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'They Watch A Lot Of Nick At Nite In Budapest'

Girl Commenting About Her New Haircut: "I'm, like, one snip away from looking like Carol Brady. I guess that's what I get for going to a mall salon in a foreign country."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

A New Martin McDonagh Play, or If This Title Makes Sense To You, Then You Might Be A Theater Geek

Pregnant Woman: "Here, rub my belly." 

Coworker 1: "I'd rather not touch your stomach while you're pregnant. I don't want to give your baby any birth defects."
Coworker 2: "It's okay. I've kicked a pregnant woman before and her kid is fine. I'm pretty sure."
Pregnant Woman: "WHAT?!"
Coworker 2: "Well, she was attacking me. It was self-defense!"

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Girl At Jimmy Johns Sub Place

"I always order a pickle with my sandwich, but I have them cut it into quarters so I don't look like a big whore eating it."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Jovial Old Guy On Plane

"Eco-terrorism!? Ha ha. They make up words for everything these days!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Hail Romaine!'

Guy: "I hope they have pizza at this meeting."
Coworker: "I think they're just having chicken Caesar salad."
Guy: "Oh, I really just wanted Italian food, but I guess Roman food is fine."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY