Although, In Oklahoma, It'd Qualify

Customer: "I'm looking for an inspirational book similar to 'Chicken Soup for the Soul'."
Salesperson: "Well, those 'Chicken Soup' books are really popular. You sure you don't want to look at those?"
Customer: "No thank you, I'm buying for my friend and she's a vegetarian."

OVERHEARD BY KATHERINE

Worse Than Yelling 'Fire'

Overheard in a theater while waiting for the play to begin:
Woman 1: "I heard she's coming back to Desperate Housewives this season."
Woman 2: "Who? Britney Spears?"

OVERHEARD BY ANDERS

Man At Computer (Hopefully Not A Government Computer)

"People are exploding and I don't know why. (mutters to himself) That's never a good thing."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Girl Unclear On The Concept Of 'Funny'

"I asked her where they were eating and she said, 'I don't know, she never told me.' It was funny."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Students Divvying Up Jobs

Student 1: "Okay, so we need someone to do a biographical sketch."
Student 2: (points to another student) "You look like you can draw."

OVERHEARD BY TRAVIS

I Think I Want To Spend The Rest Of My Life Hanging Out In O.B.'s Pub

A middle-aged couple are sitting in the pub, eating breakfast, when the fire alarm goes off. Told it's a false alarm, the man says to the woman:

"Thank God for that. I thought your mother had just come in."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

Woman Exiting Four-And-A-Half-Hour Meeting

"This morning before the meeting, I didn't know what it was supposed to be about. Now, after the meeting...I don't know what it was supposed to be about."

OVERHEARD BY CLAIRE

This Might Be A Little, You Know...

Girl: "I want a complicated man."
Guy: "I'm complicated."
Girl: "You must not be that complicated if you have to tell me you're complicated."
Guy: "But I'm complicated enough that you didn't know I was complicated."

OVERHEARD BY PSYGUY

Life Is A Joke (Especially In The Pubs O.B. Hangs Out In)

A man with a backpack walks into the pub. They chat to a regular at the bar:
Regular: "Are you OK? I noticed you were limping when you came in."
Backpacker: "My leg does ache a bit."
Regular: "Perhaps I can help. I'm a physiotherapist."
Backpacker: "Pity you're not a carpenter. It's a wooden leg."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

Oklahoman Who's Sensitive To His Vegetarian Guests

"Well, we're about to watch the OU game, and we're going to cook buffalo steaks, and some chicken for people who don't eat meat."

OVERHEARD BY MK

The Problem With Procrastination

Woman 1: "I'm not a dilletante; I'm serendipitous. ...I should embroider that on a pillow."
Woman 2: "Yeah, but you'd only get about halfway done."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Next Week On Journeyman

Mother and Daughter Listen To The Radio For A While. Then:
Daughter: "You know this isn't really happening. This is tomorrow morning's news."
Mom: "Why do you say that?"
Daughter: "Because I turned it to AM."

OVERHEARD BY MISSY

Overheard And Overseen At A Swimming Pool

Four-Year-Old, Yanking Up Her Mother's Bikini Top: "PEEK - A - BOOB!"

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

'Depends. Are You An Elephant?'

"If you were pregnant in February 2008, would you be due in 2008?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Oh My God, Can't You Even, Like, Read?'

Girl 1: "So did you go to Pennsylvania yourself or did someone else go and bring you back the shirt?"
Girl 2: (Looks at her shirt) "You mean did I go to Philadelphia?"

OVERHEARD BY DANIELLE

Old Guy Walking Past Tattoo Parlor

"Got anything you wanna spruce up?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wrong Woman Asks Wrong Woman About Wrong Woman

Woman 1: "I can't believe that Mary Matalin is going to marry James Carville."
Woman 2: "You mean Marlee Matlin, the actress that's deaf?"
Woman 1: "No Mary Matalin, the Repulican Campaign manager. (To Woman 3) Hey, do you know who Mary Matalin is?"
Woman 3: "You mean Jesus' mother?"

OVERHEARD BY KIM

Maybe That's WHY She Wanted A Small

Petite Customer: "Can I have a small in this dress?"
Girl 1 At Counter: "Sure."
Girl 2 At Counter: "Give her a large, she's got a bit of bust."

OVERHEARD BY ANN

It's Good To Have Goals

A Kid's First Time To Sleep Outdoors, In A Little Playhouse In The Backyard:
Grannie: "You can come inside if you get scared."
Kid: "No, I'm gonna stay out here until I feel completely unsafe."

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

We Blame She's Teacher

Girl: "I've failed all of my English quizzes until now. It's not mine fault, though."

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

Bad Sales Job At Blockbusters

Mother: "I want a feel-good movie."
Son: "I think this horror movie ends happy."

OVERHEARD BY PSYGUY

Customer In Restaurant, Sweet-Talking About His Wife

"She's mad because I took her napkin. I took her virginity twenty years ago, and she's worried about her napkin...."

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

Wannabe Pick-Up Artists In SF Cafe

Guy 1: "You should gain a lot of weight."
Guy 2: "Why?"
Guy 1: "So people will stop thinking you're gay."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'No, That's DAFT'

Woman Doing Crossword Puzzle: “What does DEA stand for again? Drugs, Alcohol and Firearms?”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

How To Win Friends And Lose Spouses

Guy 1: "How's your wife?"
Guy 2: "Not as good as yours, but she'll do."

OVERHEARD BY SHIPBOB

'Pot? Do They Mean Kettle?'

Girl Reading: "'Ignorant'.... (looks to teacher) Do they mean 'stupid'?"

OVERHEARD BY EVA

Jesus Is The Reason For The Operation

Lady In A Catholic Church: "I swear, when I get my tummy tuck, I'm getting fat injections in my knees. All this fricking kneeling is KILLING me!"

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

At The Apple Store

Girl: "My friend's getting my old laptop. It's a Dell."
Sales Guy: "That's not a gift! That's a cross to bear!"

OVERHEARD BY LIZZ

Wonder If This Conversation Was Repeated Two Hundred Times?

Husband: "This is so cool! I wonder how much it is?"
Wife: "Honey, you're in the Dollar Store."

OVERHEARD BY TRISH

Girls In Need Of Remedial Geography

Girl 1: "Do people live in South America?"
Girl 2: "Duh, that's where Spain is."

OVERHEARD BY KRISTEN

Old Folks Say The Darndedest Things, Or, Send This To Penthouse, Stat!

Old Guy: "I am stiff all over."
His Wife: "Then shouldn't we get back upstairs to the bedroom? Quickly."

OVERHEARD BY LADY MACLEOD

Kids Say The Darndedest Things, Or, Send This To That Family Circus Guy, Stat!

Father: "What flavor ice cream do you want?"
Son: "Do they have blue?"

OVERHEARD BY PSYGUY

'In Your Face, Baby Human'

Girl: "So do you think that crawfish are just baby lobsters?"
Boy: "What? No. They have two different names."
Girl: "Well, tadpoles are baby frogs…how do you explain that!"

OVERHEARD BY ADRIENE

'No Hablo Pizza'

Old Man Ordering Food At Italian Restaurant:
Man: "I'll have the spaghetti Mariana."
Waitress: "Do you mean Mar-IN-ara?"
Man: "Yeah, that. I dont speak Italian."

OVERHEARD BY ANDREA

Two Men Outside A Waterside Pub, Watching Blind People Board A Boat For A Sight-Seeing Trip

Man 1: "Odd, isn't it? Blind people on a sightseeing trip."
Man 2: " Not really. There's bugger-all to see."

OVERHEARD BY OLD BOLINGBROKE

Tactful Waiter (In Singapore) Dissuading Woman From Breast-Feeding In Public

"I'm sorry ma'am, there's no outside food allowed."

OVERHEARD BY J LIM

No Sympathy For The Middle-Aged And Unattached

Woman 1: "I'm going to die, alone, in this house."
Woman 2: "Upstairs or downstairs?"

OVERHEARD BY MARY

'And That Tall Animal With The Really Long Neck Is A Squirrel'

Overheard in the bathroom at the zoo:
Daughter: "Mommy, who is George Washington?"
Mommy: "Umm, he was like the 24th president or something."

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

'You Can't Miss It. It's, You Know, Big And...Well, You Know'

Guy: "Did you see a big white van anywhere? We parked it 3 hours ago, got drunk, and now we can't find it."

OVERHEARD BY EVAN

95-Year-Old On Her New Pacemaker

Doctor: "Now the batteries are only good for six years...."
Woman: "Six years! I'll be 101! I'll be dead by then; you can have the batteries back!"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Two Guys Walking Past Church In Outer Richmond

Guy 1: "That's a big fucking church."
Guy 2: "God's a big fucking guy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Co-Workers Discussing Sibling Rivalry After The Birth Of A New Baby

Woman: "How's the dog?"
Man: "He's okay. But his head's hanging a little lower."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Near Crocker Galleria (But Coulda Been Anywhere Downtown, Really)

"Man, there's DNA all over the streets!"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

Guy On MUNI Who Trusts No One

"You can't trust a white woman over 25. Even if they're white Asians. Or white Hispanics."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Then What Did She Mean?

Woman On Cellphone: "Could you let me talk to Nick? I don't call his phone directly because he's too hot; he's too hot; he's too hot. No, I don't mean hot as in good-looking; I mean he's too hot!"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE