Budget-Conscious Romeo To Potential Juliet, In Palo Alto Dance Club

"Hey, is your shirt expensive? Because you look so hot in it, I can totally rip it off you right now, but I'd totally replace it, if it's not too expensive."

OVERHEARD BY EUGENIA

Girl In School Library, Realizing Her Picture's Been Tagged On Facebook

"Please don't tell me I look like my picture."

OVERHEARD BY MANSI

Stereotypes Come To Life In Haight-Ashbury

Guy: "Do you know what time it is, man? It's 4:19, man! That means we only have 1 minute left or we will be late. Hurry up!"

OVERHEARD BY GINA

Woman Sending Clear Signal To Poor Sap On Date

"I can't believe she made out with you! That makes me want to vomit."

OVERHEARD BY PEETIE

Women At A Restaurant

Woman 1: "How are you liking married life?"
Woman 2: "It's okay. He's the best one yet."

OVERHEARD BY TRISH

Couple Having World's Hottest Lunch

Girl: "It's hot. Really hot."
Guy: "A little blood just came out of my ears."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

College Girl At Hipster Coffee Shop

"I should have never taken a class where I only understood one word in the title."

OVERHEARD BY CHAELY C

Cellphone Guy Talking To Either That Guy From 'Man vs. Wild' Or Some Dude From A Really Weird Fetish Site

"So you were inside a dead camel? What did the guy filming it say?"

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Woman At New Year's Party, On The Perils Of Dating

"We watch different CSI's. We watch different Law & Order's. We're totally incompatible!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Explaining Why She Doesn't Like To Exercise

"It's just that I'm the sedimentary type."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICK

Gorgeous Redhead In Her Own Self-Defense

"The funny thing is, I wasn't ever a slut until after I had sex for the first time."

OVERHEARD BY TASHA

We're Hoping O.B. Comments On This One

Sister 1: "This country is so tasteless. I can't wait to go to Britain, where there's class."
Sister 2: "I hate Britain. It's just like America, only with unintelligible accents."

OVERHEARD BY SAHRA

Man (Possibly Stephen Colbert) On Bus

"I don't read books. They put too many ideas into my head."

OVERHEARD BY ANDY

Mother And Son Leaving Store On Xmas Eve

Mother: “Now we’re going home to take a nap.”
Child: “But I’m not tired.”
Mother: “You will be. I have some NyQuil.”

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

Seven Is The Reason For The Season

Man Leaving Mall, To Wife: "It's not how much you spend on presents; that's not what Christmas is about. It's about how many you give."

OVERHEARD BY GILLIAN

Merry Christmas From Uncle Scrooge

Wife, In Wal-Mart: "Now all we need to buy is her big gift."
Husband To Wife: "Are you kidding? That was $30 -- that is her big gift!"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Best Compliment A Guy Could Receive On His Newly Grown Beard

Straight Friend: "What do you think?"
Gay Friend: "I like it.... Stay out of the Castro."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Overheard In The Navy!

Sailor: "Sir, are we going to Singapore on the way back from deployment?"
Officer: "I believe that's the plan, but it's not final yet."
Sailor: "I hope we do. I've always wanted to go to Saudi Arabia."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Guy Who's Going Into It With The Right Attitude

"Yeah, Ed said he wants children someday -- a pack of feral children dressed in loincloths to protect him during the Apocalypse."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Overheard At Yale University, On The Way Back From The Library

"Whoa. From this angle, it looked like you were picking your nose through the hole in my hat."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

'So....Grace?'

Cellphone Lady: "Oh, we're like Will and Grace...only without the gay."

OVERHEARD BY SHANNIE

Time (Or Mentally) Challenged Clerks At Grocery Store

Clerk 1: "I heard it's your birthday tomorrow; how old are you going to be?"
Clerk 2: "24."
Clerk 1: "You're almost half a century old!"

OVERHEARD BY DAN

Several Girls Crowded Around Looking At Pictures On A Cellphone

"Okay, your ovaries are falling out of your body."

OVERHEARD BY MIKE

'Usually, Waking Up Is A Contraindication'

Guy In Bar: "He just went to sleep and then he woke up dead."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Two Guys Leaving Mission District Bar

Guy 1: "I could tell your friends weren't from San Francisco."
Guy 2: "How?"
Guy 1: "They were genuine."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Three-Year-Old Secure With Her Place In (The Center Of) The World

Woman: "Do you know who you are?"
Three-Year-Old: "I'm sissy's boss!"

OVERHEARD BY GUERITA331

Overheard Outside A Church

Guy 1: "What are Episcopalians?"
Guy 2: "I don't know, but they must be atheist. The sign says 'all are welcome'."

OVERHEARD BY STEVE

Couple Leaving 'No Country For Old Men'

Old Lady: "Do you know why it ended that way? Because it got four popcorns. Movies that get four popcorns always end like that."
Old Man: "You mean artsy?"
Old Lady: "Yeah, too artsy for me."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

'I Hear Lots Of Boats Get Lost There'

In a first-year medical school anatomy class:
Professor: "This section will be really easy. You'll feel like you're on vacation."
Student: (whispering) "None of my vacations start with the anal triangle!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

Overheard At Dry Cleaner's

Woman: "I need to speak to the owner, Orville."
Clerk: "Do you mean Wilbur?"

OVERHEARD BY JOEL

Woman At Airport Security With Appropriate Level Of Self-Esteem

"He asked me if I was worried about him coming in on me while I was changing, and I told him that would be his nightmare, not mine."

OVERHEARD BY BFD

Must Work In Advertising

Businessman To Two Other Businessmen: "All you have to do is treat me like I'm God."

OVERHEARD BY LADY OF THE ICE

Good Thing She Doesn't Drive A Hummer

Girl 1: "I wish you wouldn't park in the only guest parking spot. It's not fair to others."
Girl 2: "Well, I only park in that spot when no one else is parked there."

OVERHEARD BY CINDY

Girl On 48 MUNI Bus

“She’s so stupid, if she wasn’t Asian, she’d totally be blonde.”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Two Mothers With Babies Having Lunch At A Cafe

Mom 1: "Do you suppose the nipple was the inspiration for the bullseye design?"
Mom 2: "I think bulls' eyes were probably the inspiration for the bullseye design."

OVERHEARD BY KERRY

After Only 10 Minutes Of Googling, You'll Know Why This Is Funny

Costume History Professor: (showing a slide of a Roman emperor's statue) "So, how can we tell he's Roman?"
Well-Informed Student:"Because he's Constantine?"

OVERHEARD BY JACQUELINE

No Moms Left Behind

Daughter: "You know, elephants are the only animals that can't jump. I wonder why."
Mother: "OH! I bet it's because they have four legs!"

OVERHEARD BY LAQUITHA

'No, That'd Be Suicide'

Girl: "So...what does weed killer do?"
Sister: "It kills weeds."
Girl: "So, do the weeds just, like, pop out of the ground then?"

OVERHEARD BY STEF

Guy At Party, To Guy Throwing Out Lots Of 'Icebreakers' At Party

“Dude, did you write the questions for Scruples or something?”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Single, Childless Woman, On Her Niece Having A Baby

"I've been lapped, procreatively speaking."

OVERHEARD BY MARTHA

Mother And Daughter At Gym In Manchester, England

Mum: "Hey, they do yoga here."
Daughter: "What's yoga? Is it like aerobics?"
Mum: "No, it makes you more flexible and toned."
Daughter: "Can you lose weight?"
Mum: "No, love, stop fuckin' eatin'; maybe then you'll lose weight."

OVERHEARD BY JAYNA

Cell Phone Guy On 48 Bus, Seducing A Lover, Perhaps?

"Look, I don't fucking care what you do with it. Rub it all over your chest if that's what you're feeling up to."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANA

A David Mamet Play Comes To Life

Three well-dressed middle-aged guys are in a restaurant:
Guy 1: "You're a dickless wonder, you know that?"
Waitress: "Everyone okay here?"
Guy 2: "Some of us are okay. Some of us have issues."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

And What's With All That 'Smelling Good' And 'Looking Pretty'? What Are They Trying To Prove?

Guy: "I'm not into sunflowers right now. They're so....slouchy."

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Overheard Lines Is On Vacation For A Week

"Back on the 29th. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you then!"

WRITTEN BY TIM