'Do You Have Enough For Everyone?'

Girl to Guy: "If you do that, you won't get a treat. And you know what I mean by treat."

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Woman At Rock Concert Seriously Underestimating Her Mother's Intelligence

Woman: "Would you like some earplugs, Mom?"
Mom: "Yes."
Woman: "Here you go. Do you know how to use them?"

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Practical Man Eating A Bowl Of Beans

"If I stop eating for too long, I might realize I'm full."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Mum Defending Her Dog To Grumpy Colleague

Colleague: "She barks every time someone walks past the house. It drives me mad!"
Mum: "Well, don't you say hello to people when you see them?"
Colleague: "Not bloody strangers I don't!"

OVERHEARD BY LOST DREAMER

Nerds In Love

Guy: "You're such a big nerd, but I still love you."
Girl: "I'm not a nerd, I'm an intellect!"
Guy: "Okay, see, right there...."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Non-San Franciscans Will Have No Idea What This Means

Dude Walking Down Valencia Street: "I could never date a Mission girl. She'd see right through me."

OVERHEARD BY JACQUI

'He's A Busy Guy; He's Got Places To Be...."

Girl 1: "I can't believe daylight savings was last week and Easter is this month, too."
Girl 2: "I thought easter was in April."
Girl 1: "Not this year."
Girl 2: "What, did Jesus rise up early this year!?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'Some Names Are Just Too Un-American To Handle'

Omry: "I want a meal number five."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. Anything else?"
Omry: "No."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. What's your name?"
Omry: "Omry."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Uhhh.... Mike?"
Omry: (sighs) "...Mike."

OVERHEARD BY YANIV

Overheard In Medical School

Instructor: "When interviewing a male patient about how much alcohol he drinks, multiply his answer by 2; for his sex life, divide his answer by two."
Male Student: "What about female patients?"
Female Student (From The Back Of The Room): "Multiply both by five!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

Little Girl With A Clear Case Of Cabin Fever

"I'm gonna jump up and down until I get a bad, bad spanking."

OVERHEARD BY JIM

World's Best Way To Start A Story

Old Guy: "You see that bar over there? That's a gay bar. Now, I didn't know that at first...."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'Cause You Look So Humongously...I Mean, Cause You're Such A Giant...I Mean...Congratulations'

Woman At Baby Shower: "Hey, maybe you'll have a 15 pound baby!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Women Watching 'Deal Or No Deal' At Work

Woman 1: "You should get you one of those dresses and wear it for his birthday."
Woman 2: "Oh, no. I'm not like that."
Woman 1: "Yeah, they sure got their puppies way up there, don't they?"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

'So She's Really More Of An Investment'

Man In Wal-Mart: "This is my wife, but I get a crazy check for her every month."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy On MUNI: Your Place For Politics

"I've got to stop watching politics on TV. Last night I dreamt about Evan Bayh."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

A Bunch Of Old Farts At Breakfast

Old Guy 1: "Have I ever shown you pictures of my grandkids?"
Old Guy 2: "No, that's what I've always liked about you."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Who's Really, Really Lost

"Is that the Eiffel Tower?...Oh, no, it's an oil rig."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Motivational Speech By McDonald's Manager

Manager: "Smile! Let everybody see your teeth."
Employee: "What if you don't have any teeth?"
Manager: "Let 'em see your gums!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

We're Guessing She Meant Something Cleaner

Girl 1: "Can I do a small load at your house?"
Girl 2: "In my toilet?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'They Watch A Lot Of Nick At Nite In Budapest'

Girl Commenting About Her New Haircut: "I'm, like, one snip away from looking like Carol Brady. I guess that's what I get for going to a mall salon in a foreign country."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

A New Martin McDonagh Play, or If This Title Makes Sense To You, Then You Might Be A Theater Geek

Pregnant Woman: "Here, rub my belly." 

Coworker 1: "I'd rather not touch your stomach while you're pregnant. I don't want to give your baby any birth defects."
Coworker 2: "It's okay. I've kicked a pregnant woman before and her kid is fine. I'm pretty sure."
Pregnant Woman: "WHAT?!"
Coworker 2: "Well, she was attacking me. It was self-defense!"

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Girl At Jimmy Johns Sub Place

"I always order a pickle with my sandwich, but I have them cut it into quarters so I don't look like a big whore eating it."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Jovial Old Guy On Plane

"Eco-terrorism!? Ha ha. They make up words for everything these days!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Hail Romaine!'

Guy: "I hope they have pizza at this meeting."
Coworker: "I think they're just having chicken Caesar salad."
Guy: "Oh, I really just wanted Italian food, but I guess Roman food is fine."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Perfect For Today


Woman 1: "I can't believe it's March already!"

Woman 2: "Well, that's because it's not. It's a leap year."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

'That Explains Why Everyone Was Dressed Like Heinekens'

Girl: "Hey, Steve, what's the theme of your guys' party tonight?"
Steve: "Uhhhh, beer?"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Nervous Guy In Bar, Smiling Sheepishly At His Date

"Actually, I've never gotten a booty call."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Guy Giving Very, Very, Very Slight Compliment To His Friend

"You're like a sociopath, only a little more friendly."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman With Less Of A Glow Than Usual

Woman: "Ohhh, what are you having?"
Pregnant Woman: "A baby."
Woman: "Awww, what kind of baby?"
Pregnant Woman: "Human."
Woman: "Okay, well, good luck!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Logicians At SFO Airport

Girl: "Is that guy the pilot?"
Guy: "He's either the pilot or the co-pilot."
Girl: "God is my co-pilot."
Guy: "Then he must be the pilot."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Two Girls At The GAP

Girl 1: "Man, these shoes are killing my feet."
Girl 2: "Oooh, they sound cute. Let me see."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Could You Be Any More Vague?'

Student To Teacher: "Are some of these things in other things?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

'Even Though Two Of Them Are Dead'

Girl: "I would go out with the Beatles, 'cause they're so handsome and British."

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Things Only Musicians Can Say With A Straight Face

One Cellist To Another: "I'm gonna stick this in your f-hole!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Most Meaningless Gesture In The World

Man Who Never Locks His House, To His Out-Of-State Girlfriend:
"Remind me to have a set of house keys made for you."

OVERHEARD BY ABIGAIL

Two Women Who've Watched Too Much 'House, M.D.'

"Speaking of Lupus, how are you feeling?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Women In Social Security Office, On Subtle Safety Cues

Woman 1: "Nice blue color. Probably supposed to be for a calming effect, huh?"
Woman 2: "And if that doesn't work, we have the security guard."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

World's Most Ambivalent Superbowl Fan

Guy: "Go football teams! Win and lose!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Old Society Nob Hill Lady And Her Chauffeur

Her: "So there was a nasturtium in my salad, and then I ate it."
Him: (deadpan) "My that was eventful, I bet."

OVERHEARD BY JONATHAN

'It's Nice To See Young People Striving'

Two Girls In One Of The Science Buildings At Oregon State University:

Girl 1: "I’d be a genetic scientist if it didn’t take an ass-ton of math."
Girl 2: "That would be tight!"

OVERHEARD BY ROD

Co-Worker On Being Told To 'Keep Up The Good Work!'

"He has me confused with someone who has potential."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'What's The Worst That Could...Oh, Yeah, Right.'

Girl: "I used to work a crisis hotline, but I was really bad at it."

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

'If You'd Just Pay Attention.... It's Cannibalism, Duh!'

Mom and Little Girl in Portland Streetcar:
Mom: "So you're a pickle that eats humans?"
Girl: "NO! I'm a pickle that eats pickles!"

OVERHEARD BY LOTTIE

Two Obviously Bored (And Disturbed) Old Men In A Doughnut Shop

"I just wanna grab a 356 magnum and watch a rat explode."

OVERHEARD BY TOMMY

21-Year-Old Girl In North London, Reading A Picture Book To A Kid And Thinking It's Non-Fiction

"You know unicorns, yeah? Were they alive, like dinosaurs, yeah? Or are they another one of them myth things?"

OVERHEARD BY MIM