Guy, On New-Agey Woman Going On About 'Creating Your Own Reality'

"Looks like she pictured herself surrounded by the makeup she wanted to achieve."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

At 16th And Mission BART (Dedicated To John Hodgman)

Litle Girl: "Mom, since we're in San Francisco today, are we going to see some real HOBOS today?"
Mom: "Hobos! I was once a hobo!"
Little Girl: "Mom! No you weren't!"
Mom: "Yes I was! I was homeless and lived in Golden Gate park from the age of 14 to 19."
Little Girl: (voice shakes) "No you weren't! You weren't a hobo!"
Mom: "Yes I was, I was a hobo. Don't judge your own kind! Judge and be judged."

OVERHEARD BY SD

Old Guy In Pub

"I knew a Japanese bloke once. He changed his name to Smith. Mind you, he still looked Japanese."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

Overheard In An Employment Office, Or Perhaps On Vaudeville

Official: "What experience do you have?"
Jobseeker: "I worked for 30 years on a poultry farm, killing chickens."
Official: "Have you done anything else?"
Jobseeker: "I killed turkeys."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

Meta Post: Your 'Overheard Lines' Host, To Friend, On Why There've Been No Updates Lately

"Goddamn iPods are ruining everything. No one talks any more!"

SAID BY TIM

She Must Be In A Good Union

Loud Girl In Outdoor Bar: "My vagina's not working tonight."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Alabamians At Breakfast

"They don't serve grits everywhere. We took a tour with our church group and we had to take along our own grits."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Drunk Friends In College Bar District

Girl: "There's the cops. Maybe if we did something they'd give us a ride."
Guy: "Yeah, but it wouldn't be to where we want to go."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Canadians In Ecuador

4-year-old: "Mommy, that girl speaks English!"
Mother: "Yes, she does."
4-year-old: "But nobody here speaks English. Does she really speak English?"
Mother: "Of course she speaks English! She's white!"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Better-Safe-Than-Sorry Woman In Line For Morning Coffee

"So Frankenstein is still dead, right?"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

When Insurance Agents Get All 'Snap!'

"Why you looking at me like I'm 'co-pay poor'?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Musta Been Those Two Pepperpots From Monty Python

Old Lady 1: 'Mrs Perkins died the other day.'
Old Lady 2: 'Oh dear. My cat's not very well either.'

OVERHEARD BY OB

Musta Been Those Two Blokes From Slings & Arrows

Guy 1: 'My God, you were bloody drunk last night.'
Guy 2: 'I wasn't in here last night.'
Guy 1: 'Really? It must have been me then.'

OVERHEARD BY OB (AND NOTE THE BRITISH PUNCTUATION IN OB'S HONOUR)

Low Self Esteem In Union Square

""I don't care, treat me like a dog, I'll be happy."

OVERHEARD BY DAN

Some Political Parties Have To Work Harder On Fundraising Than Others

Young Woman Eating A Cookie, To Another Woman On Campus, At Portland State University: "Mmmm, this is great. I got it at the Socialtist Party bake sale. They have a table over there."

OVERHEARD BY ROD

Wannabe Alternachick In The Tenderloin

Friend: "So what kind of music do you listen to?"
Girl: "Oh, I listen to stuff no one's ever heard of!"
Friend: "Hmmm, so where do you buy it?"
Girl: "I buy it from amazon.com."

OVERHEARD BY EMY

Two Music Impresarios

Guy 1: "Now that Paul McCartney's single again, maybe he should marry Yoko."
Guy 2: "Then she can break up Wings, too."

OVERHEARD BY JAMES

Woman And Supportive Friend In Upscale SF Bar

Woman: "I'm a strict vegetarian! I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
Friend: "So every other year you get to eat a groundhog?"

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Overheard Lines Is On Hiatus For A Week

"Take the opportunity to write down what the person sitting next to you just said and send it in."

TYPED BY TIM

Old Guy Screaming Into Cellphone

"I SAID I HAVE TO TALK QUIETLY! I'M IN A LIBRARY!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Dude Planning To Vote For Napoleon

Teen 1: "You see where France got a new president?"
Teen 2: "Oh yeah? So they don't have a king anymore, huh?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On MUNI, Inventing The Freelancer's Manifesto

"I don't do status meetings. If you want me to go to status meetings, you gotta buy me health insurance."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'I Know I Took One Of Them Home...'

Castro Guy: "Shit, I don't even remember dinner much less the waiter."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman On Airplane After Bonding For Half An Hour, Thinking Twice About Her Level Of Involvement

"Well, if you're ever in Las Vegas.... have fun!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl On Her Great New Guy

"He loves to vacuum. No, wait. Not vacuum. What's that thing you do to your lawn? Mow! He likes to mow."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Trolling For Stalkers At Divisadero And Hayes Bus Stop

Woman: "Larry, are you following me?"
Man: {indistinguishable apologetic mumbling}
Woman: "Well, why not?"

OVERHEARD BY EMILY

Couple Disagreeing On Musical Tastes In A Really Roundabout Way

Girl: "Are we so into this or what?"
Guy: "I'm not sure it has to be a 'we' thing."

OVERHEARD BY MK

On The 7

Guy: "If I wasn't in jail, or high, I was working construction."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

The New Ebert And Roeper, Walking Out Of 'Grindhouse'

Guy 1: "I don't get it."
Guy 2: "There's nothing to get. They smashed his face in. What do you not get?"
Guy 1: "What was with the whole....? Yeah, I don't get it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Berkeley Dude With A Practical Streak

"If they would have let Karen Carpenter stay behind the drum set, she'd still be alive today."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

No Wonder He's Shunned By Society

Guy: "My grandmother told me never to discuss the 3 D's in polite company."
Girl: "Oh, yeah? What are they?"
Guy: "I don't remember...."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Cute Soccer Mom Picking Up Cute Little Girl

"How was taekwondo, honey? Did you learn how to break someone's nose?"

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Tricky Guy Outside Castro MUNI Station

Guy 1: "Look over there!"
Guy 2: "What?"
Guy 1: "Nothing. I was just trying to shut you up."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man With A Plan. (Not A Good One, But A Plan.)

"If I were to eat a stick of butter, I'd roll it in salt."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Truth In Advertising

Guy: "You're such a slut."
Girl: "That's what my tattoo says!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man With Simple Dreams

"I always wanted to be in the little pokey-outy thing on top of a caboose."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy In Suit Talking On Cell

"He made out with a hooker?!? No one makes out with a hooker! What was he thinking?!"

OVERHEARD BY J

Girl In Bar With Ice Cold Shiner Bock And Apparent Alcoholic Tendencies

"Mmmm, it's like a great big glass of happy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

New XM Fans

Girl: "It's weird, when you listen to satellite radio, you realize how many different bands there are. When you listen to regular radio, it seems like there are only about seven bands."
Guy: "And three of them are Coldplay."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Hopefully Not In The Biblical Sense

Cellphone Woman: "Hello? Yeah, I'm at Target. I'm with the shampoos."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Short Play

Girl: "Well, as I was writing this massive document, I kept thinking about that thing about how you eat an elephant..."
Guy: "How?"
Girl: "One bite at a time."
Guy: "Ahhhh. You know how you bury a giraffe?"
Girl: "No, how?"
Guy: "You cut it up with a chainsaw."
Girl: " ---"
Guy: "I saw pictures from the zoo when they had to cut one up."
Girl: "They took pictures!?!?"
Guy: "Yeah, I'm not sure why."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Self-Aware Homeless Dude Near Main Library

"Do I smell bad? I do. I smell kinda...rotten."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

They Are, As A Matter Of Fact

Girl At Brunch: "Are your parents from...anywhere?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy To Other Guy Playing Air Drums At A Bar

"There's probably a good market for air drumming. All those air guitarists need someone to accompany them."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who Wants It All

Guy: "What do you wanna do when you come to Miami?"
Girl" "I want the whole experience. I want the Vice and the Sound Machine."

OVERHEARD BY TIM