Guy About To Spend Quite A Long Time In Wal-Mart

"I'm hungry for some shrimp...Wait, no...Yeah, but something else."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Wise-Beyond-Her-Years Girl

"I'm not doing tequila shots. I'm not a slut on spring break."

OVERHEARD BY KATE

Overheard Outside Target

"I just spent $87 on vitamins. Well, it wasn't ALL vitamins. I also bought a toothbrush."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'I'm Really Into That Whole Watchamacallit Stuff. You Know. That TV Stuff. With The Old Guys. Politics!'

College Girl On Cellphone: "Yeah, I was listening to. Um. That guy. You know..... McCain."

OVERHEARD BY STEPHANIE

'I Think You're Confusing A Blowjob With A Blowjob'

Tween 1: "I've never had alcohol."
Tween 2: "I have."
Tween 1: "That's 'cause you're a slut."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On The F Train In Lower Manhattan

"Yeah it’s the same way I can tell you’re a hipster, I can tell he's anti-Semitic.”

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN

Woman With Big Plans For The Weekend

"I was thinking I would drill my tail hole before I paint it."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

'T-Shirts? Slurpees? Or, Er, Um...?'

Overheard in Wal-Mart parking lot:

Woman 1: "You know I like 'em large."
Woman 2: "Yeah, I know."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

And The Moral Is: Toothless People Like Movies?

A couple rents 24 movies at a rental store and is awarded bonus treats. Teen daughter goes to the ice cream cooler.

Teen: "Mom, do you want the sundae cone or that one with nuts?"
Mom: "I can't have them, I ain't got any teeth!
Teen: ...
Mom: "I'm getting my teeth for my birthday!"
Dad: "I've been waiting 20 years to get my two front teeth back, and here she goes to the dentist today and is getting a whole mouthful for her birthday."

OVERHEARD BY ALI

Two Nurses In A Hospital Elevator, Looking At Pieces Of Paper

"See? I told you there was no difference between night and day."

OVERHEARD BY SMONET

The King Of Wise Decisions

Guy: "I'm thinking of doing heroin, but just once. Do you think that's cool?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Couple Discussing Friend's Vacation Plans

Guy: "Wouldn't it be funny if she was actually selling her baby down in Mexico, and she ended up on 48 Hours Mystery, and we could say we knew her when?"
Girl: "I don't think you understand comedy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Businessmen Leveraging Their Core Values (i.e. Drinking In A Bar)

Man 1: "I hate the word 'monetize.'"
Man 2: "What does it even mean?"
Man 1: "It means.... Maybe that's why I hate it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Abbott And Costello Reincarnated And Reading A Textbook In A Café

Kid 1: "This doesn't make any sense."
Kid 2: "What is it?"
Kid 1: "I don't know."
Kid 2: "Then how do you know it doesn't make sense?"
Kid 1: "That's what I'm saying."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Future Politician At High School Football Game

Kid 1: "Hey, you have a dollar?"
Kid 2: "Yeah."
Kid 3: "Can I give you thirty cents for that dollar?"

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

The Problem With Shopping At An Art Fair

Girl: "I want a colorful T-shirt with my views and beliefs on it!"

OVERHEARD BY GAGE

Facetious Guy Watching Sarah Palin Being Cheered By Delegates

"She can't even control the crowd. How can she stand up to Putin?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man Not Very Good At Flirting

"If you were a turkey, I would definitely pardon you."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'But Is It Organic?'

Cell Phone Woman: "He wants me to stop doing my pills and smoking crack, but he won't stop smoking weed. He says weed isn't a drug, 'cause it's natural. Well, cocaine is natural, too."

OVERHEARD BY BETH

Clerk At Cala Foods

"You have no idea what it's like to be a black man and be coughed on."

OVERHEARD BY LESLY

Woman Describing What She Saw To A Cop

"I don't think he knew the guy; I think he was just some unanimous guy."

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Overheard At Baja Burrito In Nashville

Customer: "What kind of fish is in the fish tacos?"
Worker: "Fried."

OVERHEARD BY JANA

One Pub Regular Chatting To Another

"When you have to go to work, do you phone the pub to say you can't come in?"

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Plus I'm Goddamn Classy'

Woman On MUNI: "Then why were you in the penitentiary? I was never in the penitentiary. Because I got motherfucking character."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Six-Year-Old Watching Cat Groom Itself

"He's in love with his butt. He keeps kissing it!"

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

She Would Make A Bad Vampire

Girl: "Ew! Ew! His veins were in my mouth!"
Guy: "Well, maybe you shouldn't have bit him."

OVERHEARD BY KIMBERLY

Woman Watching CNN News Crawl

"'Thirty-eight dead after being bitten by vampire bats.' ...Hmm. I guess they won't be dead for long."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'And I Think You'd Find Plenty Of Men Who'd Agree'

Woman: "You have no idea how satisfying it is to drill a really good hole."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Savvy Dieters In Grocery Store

"Let's get the carrot cake, instead, since it's healthy."

OVERHEARD BY SUSANNAH

'Well, It Is An Election Year'

Cellphone Guy: “Geez, you can tell you’re downtown by all the panhandlers. Are they trying to turn me into a Republican, or what?”

OVERHEARD BY SUSAN

7-Year-Old Boy Watching Extreme Home Makeover TV Show

“I wish we could get a sick baby so I could have a bowling alley in MY house!”

OVERHEARD BY JENNY

Woman (Slightly) Overestimating

"Wow, that's a really large couple. That's like 600 pounds of lovin'."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

NOT Overheard At Chico's

"Maybe this is what strippers wear..."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Take Your Daughter To Work And Watch Her Leave Day

Daughter: "I'm going over to the library across the street so I can send you a message on facebook."
Mom: "Why don't you just send me a facebook message from the computer that you're sitting at right now?"
Daughter: "I can't send you a message from here. I'm sitting in the room right next to you!"
Mom: "So why don't you just TALK to me?"
Daughter: "Because I want to message you! I'm going to the library."

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

'And I Can Program It To Wake Me Up For Work. If I Had A Job.'

"You know what's neat about our coffee pot? It could go camping. I mean, if we ever went."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Starbucks Baristas Are Trained To Be Upbeat And Friendly

Barista: "So what are you doing today?"
Woman: "Going to a funeral."
Barista: "Oh, that should be fun!"

OVERHEARD BY JULIE

Two Blokes Discussing 'Soccer' In A Lincoln, UK, Pub

Bloke 1: "I hear England's new coach is going to bar wives and girlfriends from the hotel before matches."
Bloke 2: "So, they'll be even bigger wankers than they are now."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Mmm, Girl, I See It Right There On Your Hips, Heyyyy"

Woman: "I wonder if I have as much chocolate on me as I think I have."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy On The Brink Of A Realization

"Whenever I go in a room, all you ladies go out."

OVERHEARD BY BONNIE

Why IT Guys Hate Everyone Else In The World

User: "Every time I type something it comes out in all capital letters. Do you have a manual for the keyboard?"
IT Guy: "Have you tried the CAPS LOCK key?"

OVERHEARD BY ADRIAN

Guy Discussing His Vacation Plans

"I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy."

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

Overheard Lines Is On A Four-Day Holiday

"Back on Tuesday the 8th. Have an independent weekend."

SAID BY TIM

Probably Not The Girl In The Last Post

"I got a dress with a higher neckline and when I got the pictures back I looked like a 40 year old soccer mom! My mom said she liked it and all my other dresses look a little slutty. But I don't care if my tits fall in the salad, I'm not wearing that soccer mom dress again!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

'Depends What The Meaning Of "Big" Is'

"No, the 32 double-A is just too big."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

After A Near-Fatality When A Child Fell Into A Hole Dug By Geologists

"Well, if those gynecologists hadn't left that hole uncovered...."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA