Braver Man Than Me

"To tour the prison, you have to sign a waiver saying you won't sue the state if you're taken hostage. And if the guy that grabs you has a gun, you agree they can shoot through you to kill him."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Never Says Anything Stupid Except When He's Saying Stupid Things

"I don't know the words to any song except the songs I know."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Stoner To Stoner Friend On Haight Street (On Sep 24th)

"Hey wait, its okay, the concert's on the 24th -- that's in a few days."

OVERHEARD BY JANIS

Dinner Talk For Nurses On Break

"How can I trust someone with a dirty catheter? I can't!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Screaming Guy On MUNI Taking Cue From Tom Cruise

"I like pretty woman! I like pretty girls and I don't care who knows it!"

OVERHEARD BY JANIS

Woman Unaware Of The Law Of Supply And Demand

"I have the first season of America's Next Top Model on DVD. It was surprisingly inexpensive."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Recovering Catholic Passing Group Of Lesbians

"See, now I know better. But when I was a kid I would've said, 'Hey look, a bunch of nuns!'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Experiencing What Must Be A Very Common Experience

"So I told her I went to a tapas bar with my brother and she said, 'You went to a topless bar with your brother?' and I'm like, 'What? No!'"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Having Coffee With Guy Who Just May Be Her Methadone Clinic Counselor

"I mean, it's not like those home invasions my boyfriend pulled involved any violence. I don't know why the cops made such a big deal out of it."

OVERHEARD BY IRINA

Joan Rivers Wanna-Be

"Look at her outfit. She looks like she's going wassailing."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

So-Close-To-Being-Enlightened Cook On MUNI

"I always tell men you gotta learn how to cook. Cuz one night, you gonna make your girl mad, and she ain't gonna cook for you, and you and Mister Microwave gonna become fast friends."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

White Teen Describes Car Only Driven By Ali G On Sundays

"Yeah, 2002. It's bangin'. Bangin'! Got the woodgrain on the wheel; shit is hot!"

OVERHEARD BY DN

Guy Immediately Qualifying To Be A Teamster

After All Buildings Had Been Evacuated On A Studio Lot During The Power Outage In Los Angeles: "If we were under attack, there'd be jets and shit. Let's see if the commissary is open."

OVERHEARD BY R.B. RIPLEY

Art Supply Store Clerk I Can't Help But Think Was Mistaken

"Yeah, I'm sorry, we don't have any two-sided paper."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Twenty Years Ago, Two Prescient Kids Discuss 'Intelligent Design'

Kid: "Why do we have two holes in our nose?"
Brother: "So you can breathe while you pick your nose."

OVERHEARD BY COLIN

Guy Whose Body Says 'Jackass'

"90% of your body language is how you talk."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk Who Must Mean 'Down The Montgomery BART Steps'

"That's how I roll, muthafucka!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Children Left Behind

Teen Girl: "She used to be a P.E. teacher. Why she teaching physics?"
Teen Guy: "Dumbass. That's what P.E. stands for."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Fellow Overhearer On The Downside Of Eavesdropping

"I thought that guy was saying something worth overhearing, but he was just quoting The Simpsons."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Critic In SF Dive Bar 'Mr. Bing's'

"I like the painting over there of the tennis player picking her ass. That's art."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Writing Teacher On The Mammalian Quality Of Ideas

"Ideas are like cows. No, no, that's stupid.... Ideas are like rabbits."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl to Friend Before Walking Into Bedroom

Girl 1: "Let me go see if John is decent."
Girl 2: "You can tell that just by looking at him?"

OVERHEARD BY IRINA