Vegetarian In Heavy Denial

Guy: "You're a vegetarian? But you're wearing a leather coat."
Girl: "This cow had polio."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman In Bar, Still Traumatized After All These Years

"I was always afraid Santa'd come to my house and be all, 'I'm 360 pounds and I made it down your chimney. Give me some milk, bitch!'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man At Gay Wedding In Vancouver Art Gallery

"There are no open flames allowed in here. Except us."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Sappy Friends Getting All Gushy At The End Of Thanksgiving Weekend

Girl (to Guy): "Bye, Lady."
Guy (to Girl): "Bye, Tranny."
Other Guy (to Guy): "Bye, Fatty."
Guy (with a surprising lack of irony): "I'm glad I came!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Your Host At Overheard Lines, To Readers

"Happy thanksgiving! Back on Monday the 28th."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Who's ... Well, You Know

"This afternoon I was dumb as a rock. Now I'm smart as a tack. ... Damn it! Sharp as a tack!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

US Girl Adjusting TV In Vancouver BC

"What's 'Volume 21' in U.S. volume?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Pocketing Tons Of Free Candies At A Restaurant, Only To Find Out They're Licorice-Flavored

"Oh well, I'll just give them away on the plane to children I don't like."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl With High-Pitched Voice To NYC Co-Worker (Presumably With Gravelly Voice)

“Ha ha ha. Yeah I know, I kind of wish I still smoked because I really liked smoking with you.”

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN

Elderly Man Describing New Toy To Half-Interested Waitress

"I got myself one of them three-wheelers. It sits there on the ground, has two big wheels and then another one."

OVERHEARD BY SCOTT

Teen Learning About The World At The National Zoo In Washington DC

"Ewww, I've seen these before. They had to eat these on Fear Factor!"

OVERHEARD BY ROD

Woman Who Won't Make The Zagat's Guide

"Oklahomans love Oklahoma. But every time I've been through there, it's a shithole to me."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cell Phone Girl On MUNI To Boyfriend Who Must Have Had A Glimmer

"If you think I'm a bitch because of that then you just wait, because you have no idea."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Life At "Overheard Lines" Headquarters

Girl: "What's your overheard line for the day?"
Me: "I don't have one. Wanna say something funny?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

The Algonquin Roundtable? No, An L.A. Boutique!

Girl 1: "It's all, like, what did you say before? Medical Physical or whatever --"
Girl 2: "Metaphysical."
Girl 1: "Yeah..."
Girl 2: "Hahaha, medical physical..."
Girl 1: "Shut up!"

OVERHEARD BY LOUISE

Guy Making Me Doubt My Grandma's Wisdom

Girl: "You know how they say when your nose itches someone's coming?"
Guy: (Blank stare) "You mean sexually?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Exhausted Guy In Hospital Waiting Room

"I wonder why they have a chapel but they don't have a bar."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who's Not A Doctor, But Plays One On The Road

"Cell phones don't cause cancer; they just create idiot drivers."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Analyzing Girl's Breasts

"Wow! One of them's the size of a watermelon, and one of them's big!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

The Fun Thing About Halloween Parties

PARTY ONE:
Guy: "Is Robert Smith British?"
Girl: "I don't know. Let's ask the spider; she'd know."

PARTY TWO:
Girl: "Aww, look at the cute little kitty picking her nose."

OVERHEARD BY MK