That's Like Forty-Nine For A Human

Girl 1: "I really hate him. He's such a bastard. But I still give him an 11 in bed."
Girl 2: "Hell, you haven't had good sex in so long, if a dog came up and humped your leg, you would give it a 7!"

OVERHEARD BY CHERYLANN

Wisdom Imparted From One Young Man To Another

"That's when I learned, son... never lie to niggahs, son, lie to bitches."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Starbucks New-Hire Missing The Point And Making A Funny, All At The Same Time

Manager: "The customer always comes first. Always."
Employee: "Oh, the customer came three times."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Obviously Drunk Girl To Obviously Whipped Boyfriend

"Fuck you and everything you stand for! .... No, I am not drunk."

OVERHEARD BY BLUE CANARY

Man Talking To Super-Talented Woman

"How can someone lose a CRACK PIPE AND A TYPEWRITER AT THE SAME TIME!!!"

OVERHEARD BY EMY

So-Not-Alternative Guys In Barnes & Noble

Guy 1: "I'm gonna get a Prince Albert."
Guy 2: "Is that where you pierce your penis?"
Guy 1: "Or maybe a tattoo."
Guy 2: "You should get a tattoo of Prince Albert."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On MUNI Who Has Too Much Time On His...Um, Yeah

"Pepto Bismol makes my poo turn black."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who Doesn't Know Tea Tree Oil Contains Crack

"My massage therapist? I think she uses like Reiki or something that makes people become addicted to her."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Father Yelling At Child

“To be any stupider, you’d have to be bigger!”

OVERHEARD BY PETER

Happy St. Pat's Day From Guy In Old Navy

Guy: (Reading a T-shirt) "'Kiss me, I'm Irish'. I don't get it."

OVERHEARD BY AMERICAN GEISHA

Not Very Good Waiter

Chef: "Eighty-six the quiche."
Waiter: "We have quiche?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Must've Been A Marketing Meeting

Girl: "Who all's going to be in the presentation on Monday?"
Guy: "Pretty much everyone, from the single-cell organisms to the carnivores."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Soon To Be Ex-Computer Programmers

Girl: “Yeah, I’m just at an age where I’m totally reassessing if this is what I really want to do.”
Guy: “Don’t worry. I know lots of people who are totally doing a ‘Control-Alt-Delete’ with their life.”

OVERHEARD BY CAMERON

Overheard At An AA Meeting In San Diego

"That's not my motis apparatus."

OVERHEARD BY THOM

Kid In Mission Insulting...Someone

"My dad's cousin's mom's boyfriend sucks."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Easy-To-Comply-With Woman At Eureka Valley Library

"You're going to have to move. Your sleeve is affecting my heart rate."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Holding Business Meeting Over Bus Stop Pay Phone

"Well, you've been seen in eight countries and you're really big in Miami, so I think we can definitely market that."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cab Driver's Advice

"Older women? They know what to do with the sex."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy At Noe Valley Party, On Dude We've All Met Before

“I liked almost everyone, except Carl. He’s like a black hole in the shape of a human being.”

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy To Cat-Allergic House Guest

Guy 1: “You doing okay?”
Guy 2: “Yeah. Except for the breathing.”

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who's Not Into That Whole 'Pop Culture' Thing

Girl 1: "What's that big yellow square thing?"
Girl 2: "That's SpongeBob SquarePants."
Girl 1: "Sponge? I thought he was cheese."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Guy On Computer That Isn't Working

"It's got cool functionality. I just can't get it to function."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE