Guy Who's A Perpetrator Himself

"I won't sit next to people on the train talking on their cellphone. I'm like, 'I refuse to be victimized by your small talk.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman On Pros And Cons Of Starting Dog-Walking Business

"Walking the dog is okay... it's the pooping I'm concerned about."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guys On Sidewalk, 2 A.M. (Shouldn't They Be Buried In An Underground Box Somewhere?)

Guy 1 (pointing): "This dude is a badass!"
Guy 2 (waving): "Hi! I'm David Blaine!"
Guy 1: "He can levitate!"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Drunk Girl In Parking Lot Who Loves Her Friend

"Hey, this is Anna; she rocks! She rocks at sex! We have butt sex!"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Guy For Whom It's Not A Choice

"When I was in the fourth grade my girlfriend caught me looking up the word 'penis' in the dictionary. That was probably a good indicator that she'd be the only girlfriend I ever had."

OVERHEARD BY MK

British Kid (Imagine The Accent) Belittling Mummy On Vail's Free Shuttle

"I asked you FIFTY times to help me with my mittens and all you said was SHUT UP and GO AWAY!"

OVERHEARD BY JORDAN

Woman At 1906 Earthquake Centennial, On Gaps In The Scheduled Program

"Is this the moment of silence, or did they just run out of people to speak?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who's Confused In More Ways Than One

"I met the cutest lesbian couple. They were like two really hot guys with boobs."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Starving Ballet Student (Are There Any Other Kind?) On MUNI

"God, I'm totally hungry. I'm hungrier than a homeless man."

OVERHEARD BY DESDEMONA

Noe Valley Women With Baby, Or, When Theatre People Procreate

Girl 1: "Look, Trevor's getting sleepy. He's rubbing his eyes so hard he looks like he's going to poke them out."
Girl 2: "Okay, come on, Oedipus, let's get you home!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Stingy LA Guy In SF Bar

Guy 1: "I'll buy, since you're in town visiting. And then next time I'm down in L.A. --"
Guy 2: "I won't answer the phone."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Captain Literal, Disguised As A Mild-Mannered Server In Florida

Cook: "When a customer orders red meat, you must ask how they would like it cooked!!"
Server: "But once it's past medium well, it's not red anymore."

OVERHEARD BY MICHAEL

Perfectly Normal-Looking Girl, In Broad Daylight, In The Middle Of Campus

"You know, it just occurred to me that I could be arrested for murder!"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Woman Sampling Too Many Smelly Bath Products

"I smell like a hippie!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Who Could Probably Get A Grant For That

"I'm a gay black man trapped in a heterosexual white man's body. Mmm-hmm."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Walking Lands End Trail

"There's this guy at work named Dennis. They call him Uncle Dennis 'cause he's really pervy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guys In SF Restaurant, And The Problem With Hippies

Guy 1: "There's this girl at work named 'Yes'...."
Guy 2: "Is her nickname 'Yeah'?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM