Out-Of-Towner Visiting The Tenderloin For The First Time

"Yeah, it's an interesting neighborhood. Kinda like Juarez. I have a one-legged wino watching my car."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Snarky Chick At Chapeau, On The Fugly Group At The Table Next To Her

"It's a party celebrating the victory of their class-action lawsuit against their plastic surgeon."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Front Of Inexplicable 'Art' At DeYoung Museum

"I can see why that one's 'Untitled.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Enlightened Woman In Macy's Shoe Department

"I think they're cute...but I don't think it's cute how they make my feet red and puffy."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Older Patron At Threepenny Opera, To Usher Using Flashlight To Show Latecomer To Her Seat (Ten Minutes Into Act II)

"What are you doing?! It's bad enough that the show is bad! You're just making it worse!!"

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Woman With 5-Year-Old At Park Without Bathroom

"Well, I guess let's go in the bushes and I'll use a plastic bag like I do with the dog."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Mother And High-School-Aged Daughter To Salesperson In Borders

“My daughter needs to read Moby Dick for school. But you know, the old one, from way, way back.”

OVERHEARD BY VICTORIA

Guy Talking About His Mailman And Accidentally Entering A Vaudeville Routine

Guy: "Every day I get mail from the same guy. He's middle-aged, got long hair and he's Asian."
Girl: "Why does a long-haired middle-aged Asian man keep sending you mail?"

OVERHEARD BY IRINA

Blast From The Past: Haight Hippie Chick On The (Very Rainy) Day Jerry Garcia Died

"Look! Jerry sent us a rainbow!"

OVERHEARD BY MARCUS

Two Homeless Guys On Haight Street (Post-Dot-Com-Boom, Obviously)

"My accountant said that after taxes, I'd only get seventy five thou."

OVERHEARD BY MARCUS

Dude Also Selling Tickets To Clinton's Inaugural Ball

Scalper: "You need tickets for the game?"
Passerby: "For today's game? Goddamn, it's the fifth inning...."
Scalper: "That ain't my fault."

OVERHEARD BY DARREN

Tully's Coffee Chick, To Over-Attentive Customer

"Please don't stare at the barista, sir. This is not a zoo."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Old Guy In Cafe Who's Into Classic Films

"I'm trying to remember the name of a movie. It was by a very famous group from the East, and they all acted like pigs."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Teen Girl Not Getting An Autograph

"I hate that frickin' Sutton Foster."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Confused Guy Really Into His Walkie-Talkie

"Are you there?....Don't say 'Yes,' say '10-4 Negatory.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman On The Horrors Of The Soviet Empire

"You don't know who Curious George is?! That's why growing up in Russia is bad. You've had a deprived childhood."

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

Homeless Guy Who Needs To Update His Material

Beggar: "C'mon, help me out. Be my brother with another mother."
Woman: "Do I really look like a 'brother' to you?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy At Wedding Dissing Ex-Coworker

"He didn't really fit in. He was like a black jelly bean. Technically it's still candy, but it's not sweet, and you don't really want it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who's Pretty Sure He Likes His Friend

"I have a terrible memory. I remember how I feel about people, but I don't remember why."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Loud Guy Revealing Dubious State Secrets In Thai Restaurant

"No one knows this; it's a military secret. But in New Orleans, they found a dead guy who crashed his car into the levee. That's why they broke. Not Katrina, but some drunk guy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Titian-Haired Girl Sleuth, On Her Next Assignment

"I'm bummed Emily didn't come to lunch with us. I wanted another chance to check for an Adam's apple."

OVERHEARD BY TIM