Little Kid In Exclusive Boutique, Discovering A Chest Of Toys To Play With While Mom Shops

"Look Mom, they have real toys! Not sex toys."

OVERHEARD BY KERRY

Grocery Store Clerk Going On Break, To Everyone Within Earshot

"Whew! I'm sweating in places you don't even want to KNOW about!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Drunk Guy To Quiet Spectators Watching Giants Lose

"You're all a bunch of fair-feathered fans!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Oklahoman Visiting The Castro

"I've never seen so many straight-looking gay guys. Like Butt-Crack over there."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Picking Up Old Man From Nude Beach

"So, did you get some sun on your doodads?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Whose Son Wishes Darth Vader Was His Father

"Stop talking about Star Wars! We are not watching Star Wars, we are not reading Star Wars, we are not playing the Star Wars video game. We are at the beach!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Lesbian Who's Going To Have A Rough 69th Birthday

"I was going to try to kiss 38 women for my 38th birthday, but decided it would be too exhausting.... Kissing takes time."

OVERHEARD BY DAVID

Executive Assistant Busted By Logic, To Daughters She Brought To Work And Stashed On Patio Outside 2nd Floor

Execu-Mom: "You two are being too loud. Use your indoor voices."
7-Year-Old: "But we're OUTSIDE!!!"

OVERHEARD BY KELLEY

Woman To Mumbling, Grumbling, Grumpy Old Man

"Is bitching just part of your process?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Brilliant Repartee From Two Dominos Workers On The Street

Dominos 1: "THAT'S NOT NICE!"
Dominos 2: "Yes it is!"
Dominos 1: "THAT'S NOT NICE!!"
Dominos 2: "Yes it is!!"
Dominos 1: "NO IT ISN'T! THAT'S NOT NICE! THAT'S NOT DISCIPLINED!"
Dominos 2: "YES IT IS!"

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Straight Girl At Grand Opening Of Lesbian Bar

"They just played 'I Know What Boys Like.' None of the other girls sang along."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Travel Expert, On Why His Parents Should Take A Coat

“A lot of San Antonio is outside.”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who's Seen Too Many Capital One Commercials

Girl: "I think a raccoon tried to break into my car last night."
Guy: "Oh, no! Was your wallet in there?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

Woman At Giants Game, With Most Obscure Baseball Insult Ever

"C'mon, ump! The Superbowl's over, ya dummy!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Now He Just Needs To Learn How To Influence People

“Any friend of Kim’s friend’s boss is a friend of mine.”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Married Woman At Wedding Talking To Her Husband's Friend

"With the kids, it's crazy. I'm tired all the time. But it's okay that we don't have sex because I'm a really good 'jerker off-er'."

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

Playwright's Entire Post-Reading Curtain Speech After Rousing Standing Ovation

"May no good come of this."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On Cell Phone Crossing USC Campus

"Yeah, he nice to a certain extent, nigga. But that's what fucks me up. Why you gotta be nice to a certain extent?"

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

Nebraskan Realizing He's Talking To A San Franciscan

"Welcome to Omaha. Let me know if you need to know where to eat, where to get drunk, where to see naked women.... Or...uh...you know...naked men."

OVERHEARD BY TIM