Girl With One Tiny Little Problem

"My only problem with driving is I drive in both lanes."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Little Girl In Next Stall Who Has More Bodily Functions Than Most

"I just went number twelve!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman With Two Ex-Husbands And One Plan For The Future

Woman: "Marriage is like a whole other world where everything from the rational world goes out the door. I plan to live in sin and have bastard children."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Thrift Store Workers Collecting Stuff On The Day Before Thanksgiving

Woman 1: "Why's it so busy today?"
Woman 2: "Everybody has family coming over and they don't want them to see how they really live."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM TIM

Guy Listening To The Smiths

"This is one of my favorite songs! I always think of it when I'm thinking of evil."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wise One Walking On Polk Street

"Sure I like sushi, but I'm not going to eat it in Colorado."

OVERHEARD BY AMY

Guy On The V.P.'s P.R.

"I wouldn't even trust Dick Cheney to wash my car. Not only would he do a bad job, he'd lie about it, too."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy At Airport, Miffed About Security Concerns Over Red Sauce

"Well, we wouldn't want Osama whipping up some penne pasta, now, would we?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Clever Guy Working Out The Details Of A Devious Plan

Girl: "I don’t want to go. Maybe I’ll gnaw my arm off."
Guy: "No, first get it caught in caught in a door so there’s an understanding of WHY you gnawed your arm off."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Getting Off The Phone With Her 15-Year-Old Sister

"She's my heart, she's my soul, and I want to punch her in the face."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Dudes At Coffee Shop, Perhaps Proposing Democratic Platform

Guy 1: "It should be 'Marijuana For Everyone.'"
Guy 2: "As long as they don't take mine."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl You Don't Wanna Mess With On Thursday

"Remind me I'm supposed to be nice on Wednesday."

OVERHEARD BY MK

So, Then, Isn't It Technically A Museum?

Cellphone Woman: "They have this awesome little shop. Except you can't buy anything there."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Sensitive Passenger On Haight Street Bus

"Someone's perfume on here is strong enough to choke a French whore."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA