Man (Possibly Stephen Colbert) On Bus

"I don't read books. They put too many ideas into my head."

OVERHEARD BY ANDY

Mother And Son Leaving Store On Xmas Eve

Mother: “Now we’re going home to take a nap.”
Child: “But I’m not tired.”
Mother: “You will be. I have some NyQuil.”

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

Seven Is The Reason For The Season

Man Leaving Mall, To Wife: "It's not how much you spend on presents; that's not what Christmas is about. It's about how many you give."

OVERHEARD BY GILLIAN

Merry Christmas From Uncle Scrooge

Wife, In Wal-Mart: "Now all we need to buy is her big gift."
Husband To Wife: "Are you kidding? That was $30 -- that is her big gift!"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Best Compliment A Guy Could Receive On His Newly Grown Beard

Straight Friend: "What do you think?"
Gay Friend: "I like it.... Stay out of the Castro."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Overheard In The Navy!

Sailor: "Sir, are we going to Singapore on the way back from deployment?"
Officer: "I believe that's the plan, but it's not final yet."
Sailor: "I hope we do. I've always wanted to go to Saudi Arabia."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Guy Who's Going Into It With The Right Attitude

"Yeah, Ed said he wants children someday -- a pack of feral children dressed in loincloths to protect him during the Apocalypse."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Overheard At Yale University, On The Way Back From The Library

"Whoa. From this angle, it looked like you were picking your nose through the hole in my hat."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

'So....Grace?'

Cellphone Lady: "Oh, we're like Will and Grace...only without the gay."

OVERHEARD BY SHANNIE

Time (Or Mentally) Challenged Clerks At Grocery Store

Clerk 1: "I heard it's your birthday tomorrow; how old are you going to be?"
Clerk 2: "24."
Clerk 1: "You're almost half a century old!"

OVERHEARD BY DAN

Several Girls Crowded Around Looking At Pictures On A Cellphone

"Okay, your ovaries are falling out of your body."

OVERHEARD BY MIKE

'Usually, Waking Up Is A Contraindication'

Guy In Bar: "He just went to sleep and then he woke up dead."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Two Guys Leaving Mission District Bar

Guy 1: "I could tell your friends weren't from San Francisco."
Guy 2: "How?"
Guy 1: "They were genuine."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Three-Year-Old Secure With Her Place In (The Center Of) The World

Woman: "Do you know who you are?"
Three-Year-Old: "I'm sissy's boss!"

OVERHEARD BY GUERITA331

Overheard Outside A Church

Guy 1: "What are Episcopalians?"
Guy 2: "I don't know, but they must be atheist. The sign says 'all are welcome'."

OVERHEARD BY STEVE

Couple Leaving 'No Country For Old Men'

Old Lady: "Do you know why it ended that way? Because it got four popcorns. Movies that get four popcorns always end like that."
Old Man: "You mean artsy?"
Old Lady: "Yeah, too artsy for me."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA