End Of The Road

"This blog started just over four years ago, when some construction guys outside my house said something I found kind of funny.

Four years later, there's more construction outside my house, but I haven't had time to listen for anything funny.

Seems a fitting time to admit I've been way too busy; people on the bus have been way too on-their-iPods-and-not-saying-anything-I-found-interesting; and many other Overheard sites have sprung up that can easily fill your day better than I can.

So this is the final blog post. Thanks for the submissions and the loyal readership!"

SAID BY TIM

At An Anti-War Protest (Because The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword?)

Guy: "Do you have a pen?"
Girl: "No, I don’t. Sorry. I’m a bad protester. I have a Kleenex, though."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy In Dunkin' Donuts Sayin' Hi To His Friends

"Trying to stay young and beautiful, but it ain't workin' out."

OVERHEARD BY MARC

'Maybe Harvard, Maybe Notre Dame. We Wanna Stay In The Area'

Girl 1: "Rebecca and I have to go to college together."
Boy: "Where are you going?"
Girl 1: I don't know. Somewhere near LA."
Girl 2: "Yeah, we're going to go to UC Santa Cruz or something."

OVERHEARD BY SARA

'That's What I Like About It'

Girl 1, On 41 Bus: "She has a nice butt."
Girl 2, On 41 Bus: "But she has no butt."

OVERHEARD BY ANDREW

Extreme Autographs

Guy Outside Ben Folds Concert: "It's too bad he didn't sign my dick. That would be awesome. I'd never wash it."

OVERHEARD BY STEVE

As Opposed To The Normal Kind

Woman On 33rd At Clement: "This is not your run-of-the-mill apocalypse."

OVERHEARD BY EMILY

Heavily Pierced Dude And Frat-Looking Guy Make Plans For, Um...

Frat Guy: "So, are you going to wear a diaper?"
Heavily Pierced Dude: "I'm not sure yet. I might."

OVERHEARD BY MEGAN

Disgruntled Customer Ranting About Online Banking

"I don't trust ‘em in person, so why bank online? I’m gonna stay a dinosaur.”

OVERHEARD BY TIM K

Overheard In A Dressing Room

Woman: "Oh shoot, my tattoo is all gross again. I don't think I'll be showing it off tonight."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy Flirting With Girl On Transbay Bus

Guy: "So, what do you do on weekends?"
Girl: "Gardening, lots of gardening."
Guy: "Oh good! I'm Mexican!"

OVERHEARD BY JENN

'I'm Being A Good Friend'

Girl: "Your breath smells really bad."
Friend: (gasps with hand over mouth) "...That really hurts my feelings."
Girl: "Imagine how many people's feelings you would be hurting if I hadn't told you."

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Half-Full, Half-Empty Girls

Girl 1: "Oh look, those people are camping!"
Girl 2: "No, they're homeless. People don't camp by the freeway."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Overheard From The Other Side Of The Partition

"How long do you need to show me your tool?"

OVERHEARD BY CLARE

'Nice Try'

Dad: "Want to read some books?"
Kid: "No, I just want to read a little T.V."

OVERHEARD BY DANIELLE

Light-Skinned African-American Man Complaining About Lack Of Melanin

"I have to wear SPF 16. For black people, that's like 100."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Semi-Free To Be Semi-Me

Guy 1: "Hey, are you going tomorrow night?"
Guy 2: "I don’t know. I have a semi-wife and I semi have to ask her."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Couple Discussing, Uh, USC? (University of Sardines and Capers?)

"I hate that school. You can't leave without smelling like it."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Two Girls Walking Past University Library

"So then I just, like, you know, in my room, but it wasn't a full, like, poop..."

OVERHEARD BY ALYSSA

Guy With Backup Plan, To Guy Friend

"I hate women. Do you want to be gay with me?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

'We'd Assume This Was Benign In Context, If We Could Only Think Of A Context'

Woman To Man: "Has to be workable with whiskers; you can't have whiskers tangling in the ropes."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

'Mommy's Little Contributor To The Bottom Line'

"Her kindergarten tuition is like twice what my college tuition was. She’d better be learning a trade."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Lines Went On Vacation And Forgot To Tell You

"Apologies to all, especially the dude who asked if I was in a coma. Back on Monday."

SAID BY TIM

Compliments Of The...Mmm, Is That A Compliment?

Man: "There you go, you're looking less and less creepy as time goes by."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Not What You Want To Hear At Sunday Morning Breakfast, Even If It's At A Cafe In The Tenderloin

Guy At Counter Talking On Cell Phone: "I went to the worst leather bar last night. It was a level 9. All I could smell was grundle. It was absolutely frightening."

OVERHEARD BY NATE

Woman, To Other Woman, Coming In From Highly Inappropriate Smoke Break

"Well, you should just get the 'landing strip' and take care of the rest yourself."

OVERHEARD BY BRIAN

Michael Scott Wannabe

Bank Teller: "Hey, today is Friday the 13th! Scaaaarry!"
Manager: "Yep. And I hope you're abducted, then killed by a masked murderer."
Bank Teller: "What?! Oh my God, you're evil!"
Manager: "Yeah, so...'good kill' to you!"
Bank Teller: "What???"
Manager: "Like when you wish someone 'good will'...only in this case you wish people 'good kill'."
Bank Teller: "Oh...."
Manager: "No, but seriously. I'd feel kinda bad if that really happened to you."
Bank Teller: "No, you wouldn't. You would laugh at the irony."
Manager: "Yeah, you're right...."

OVERHEARD BY C.C.

Girl Who Dreams Big

"Mom, you know what we should have for dinner tomorrow? Casserole!"

OVERHEARD BY TARA

Five-Year-Olds At A Birthday Party

Boy: "When I grow up, I'm going to be a fire hydrant."
Girl: "You can't be a fire hydrant!"
Boy: "My mommy said I can be whatever I want when I grow up."
Girl: "Your mom's an idiot!"

OVERHEARD BY AMANDA

At A Job Fair For Gift Shop Positions At A Zoo

Interviewer: "So tell me about your current job. What's your favorite thing about it?"
Potential Employee: "Well, it's the only job I found where I can legally dance on the counter tops."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

'Yeah, Well, Actually....'

Guy: "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid!"

OVERHEARD BY JIM

12-Year-Old Watching Slow-Mo Replay During Super Bowl

"Their butts are jiggly!"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

'And A Diet Coke...'

Woman: 'I'd like the full fry-up, please, with extra bacon. And two slices
of toast and marmalade.'
Assistant: 'Do you want butter or margarine on the toast?'
Woman: 'Oh, marmalade. I'm on a diet.'

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

A Couple Of Working Joe's Having A Beer

Guy 1: "So who's this middle class they keep talking about?"
Guy 2: "You got your bigshots in New York, and your movie folks in L.A., and the middle class is everyone in the middle of that."

OVERHEARD BY JULIE

'Same Way They Raise Brainless...Never Mind'

Mother: "We're having boneless chicken for dinner."
Daughter: "How do they raise boneless chickens?"

OVERHEARD BY LINDA

Overheard In The Office On The Way To The Printer

"You can't change the demographics unless you're a Nazi."

OVERHEARD BY KAREN

Lover's Quarrel On Minna Street

"Nigga, you ain't nothing special...I'm gonna go make a salad...."

OVERHEARD BY NATE

Optimistic Mother On Chicago El

"I ate nothing but M&M's and Chinese food for the last few months of my pregnancy. My daughter weighed four pounds when she was born, but I never got sick once."

OVERHEARD BY OLD NED

Theological Discussion On Train

Guy: "What, he's a Buddhist? So has he shaved his head and become a nun and stuff?"
Girl: "He just said he's a Buddhist. He's probably not; he's probably a Christian."
Guy: "Didn't Johnny become a Buddhist? Or was that vegetarian?"

OVERHEARD BY REBECCA

'Train To Cheating Side Of Town In Seven Minutes'

Cellphone Guy, On BART: "I got your text the other night, are you okay...? The text said you wanted me to come out and sleep with you.... Well, maybe.... Well, no, I can't. I have a girlfriend."

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

'Thank The Lord For Small Blessings'

Man Dialing Phone: "Luckily there are no 4's in my Mom's number."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Mom At Airport Giving A Confusing Lesson On Geography And Wildlife

Mom: "Buffalo's in New York."
Kid: "They ARE?!?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Typical Four-Year-Old, Drawing Pictures

Uncle: "What are you drawing?"
Kid: "It's a street. And this is a cat."
Uncle: "Aww, that's sweet."
Kid: "And now a car is gonna run over it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Line To See 'Milk'

"I've seen it nine times. It's like 'Star Wars' for gays."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

We're Hoping O.B. Comments On This One

Girl 1: "This country is so tasteless. I can't wait to go to Britain, where there's class."
Girl 2: "God, I hate Britain. It's just like America only with unintelligible accents."

OVERHEARD BY SAHRA

Girl Explaining Why She Doesn't Like To Exercise

"It's just that I'm the sedimentary type."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICK