'I'm Being A Good Friend'

Girl: "Your breath smells really bad."
Friend: (gasps with hand over mouth) "...That really hurts my feelings."
Girl: "Imagine how many people's feelings you would be hurting if I hadn't told you."

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Half-Full, Half-Empty Girls

Girl 1: "Oh look, those people are camping!"
Girl 2: "No, they're homeless. People don't camp by the freeway."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Overheard From The Other Side Of The Partition

"How long do you need to show me your tool?"

OVERHEARD BY CLARE

'Nice Try'

Dad: "Want to read some books?"
Kid: "No, I just want to read a little T.V."

OVERHEARD BY DANIELLE

Light-Skinned African-American Man Complaining About Lack Of Melanin

"I have to wear SPF 16. For black people, that's like 100."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Semi-Free To Be Semi-Me

Guy 1: "Hey, are you going tomorrow night?"
Guy 2: "I don’t know. I have a semi-wife and I semi have to ask her."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Couple Discussing, Uh, USC? (University of Sardines and Capers?)

"I hate that school. You can't leave without smelling like it."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Two Girls Walking Past University Library

"So then I just, like, you know, in my room, but it wasn't a full, like, poop..."

OVERHEARD BY ALYSSA

Guy With Backup Plan, To Guy Friend

"I hate women. Do you want to be gay with me?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

'We'd Assume This Was Benign In Context, If We Could Only Think Of A Context'

Woman To Man: "Has to be workable with whiskers; you can't have whiskers tangling in the ropes."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

'Mommy's Little Contributor To The Bottom Line'

"Her kindergarten tuition is like twice what my college tuition was. She’d better be learning a trade."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Lines Went On Vacation And Forgot To Tell You

"Apologies to all, especially the dude who asked if I was in a coma. Back on Monday."

SAID BY TIM

Compliments Of The...Mmm, Is That A Compliment?

Man: "There you go, you're looking less and less creepy as time goes by."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER