British Lady Waiting To See Play At Royal National Theatre

"Not many old people here. Not many middle-aged people here. Mostly young people here. We should have just stayed at home with the kids."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Little British Girl, Pointing To Baboon

"Look at that one's fancy bum!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Jeff, Seeing The Bright Side Of A Monotone Rendition Of "Hotel California" In A Dublin Pub

"At least he knows all the words."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

MK Herself, Rejecting A Dublin Pub

"I don't want to listen to Ricky Martin in any country."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Pissed Off Dude To Girlfriend, Wandering Temple Bar Area Of Dublin

"They're all Irish pubs!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

MK Herself, Taking In All The Beauty Of Ireland

"This is more cuteness than I can handle. I'm just gonna puke pink."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Jeff, Summarizing What It's Like To Drive Through Ireland

"Look at that old dungeon-castle-church-thing up there."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wife, On Husband's Idea Of How He'd Probably React To Something

"I hate you just from your description."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Guide Of "Jack The Ripper" London Walk

"Now on the next part of the tour, we might encounter what I like to call 'friendly drunks.' They might ask you for money, they might help us out by re-enacting one of the murders, or they might think I'm not doing a good enough job of telling it and help me out."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Old British Woman Looking At National Gallery's Painting Of Judah & Tamar

"That's the one to learn a lesson from. She knew how to handle a crooked man."

OVERHEARD BY MK

British Hooligan

"First he called me American and I'm like, yeah, okay, all right. But then he called me Canadian! And I've never even been rafting!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Chatty English Drunk At Pub

"Just a typical English evening -- we tuck in our penises and run around. It's not unlike spring break."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Woman At Outdoor Pub

"Hurry and drink up before your beer gets cold."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Couple Contemplating A Purchase At An Outdoor London Market

Woman: "But you can't do anything with them."
Man: "That's 'cuz they're called ornaments."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Walking Through London Park

"This umbrella is tiny. It's like a hat on a stick."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Walking Down London Street

"It smells like beer. I like that in a country."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

English Bloke To His Dog, After It Took A Huge Poo In A Tube Station

"You are a fucking idiot!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Account Executive, "Complimenting" Art Director

"I really admire the increased font size."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Lesbian To Lesbian Friend Applying Carmex

"When did you start wearing makeup?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk Girl To Drunker Girlfriend, Making Travel Plans

"If I'm gonna go to the City of Love, I want to go with a lover."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman To Her, Um, Not Very Significant Other?

"We're coming up on our one-year anniversary! And that's so weird because we have an 'undefined' relationship."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Teen, Waiting For Bus

"He looks all ghetto, but he listens to Smokey Robinson."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Two Guys Who Really Know Fun

Guy 1: "We should do something fun tonight."
Guy 2: "Yeah. What did we used to do?"
Guy 1: "I don't know. Smoke."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Misunderstanding The Perfunctory Nature Of "How's It Going?"

"It's going terribly. But I'm doing okay."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Belligerent Homeless Woman, Proposing New Tourism Slogan

"This city fuckin' fucks your ass up."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Wearing Newish-Looking Sport Coat

"I want to be known as 'That Blazer Guy,' not 'That Same Blazer Guy.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk Woman, Almost Passed Out In Front Of Boarded-Up Store

"I had a lot of help getting where I'm at."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who's Always On Some Street I've Never Been On

"I don't see what's so wrong with Chinese food. But people on the street are always saying you should get pizza."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

6-Year-Old Boy, Reacting To The Pope's Death

"I guess I should be praying for him, but I think I'll draw him a picture instead."

OVERHEARD BY SUSAN

Drunk Girl, Watching Car Thief Try To Outrun Cop

"Awesome! I've never seen a police chase! Let's go over there! Maybe there'll be gunfire!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

First Thing Said By Girl Calling Friend, About 8:00 AM

"WHY are you awake?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Starbucks Employee With Low I.Q.

Barista: "Name?"
Customer: "J.J."
Barista: "How do you spell that?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl's Parting Words, Yelled Out Car Window To Boyfriend

"Cryin' ass bitch."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Server Bonding With Customer

"Your name's Gabbie? I had a cat named Gabbie and you kind of look like her."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman To Co-Worker About God Only Knows What

"I would never have guessed that about you. I work with you all the time and you don't smell."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Supervisor Trying To Be Subtle When Discussing Co-Worker

"I kind of have to keep an eye on her.... She's just...you know. I'm always...(long pause). I just wish...you know."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Valiantly Trying To Set Up Friend

"She's extremely attractive. She just has that piggy nose."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Businessman On MUNI, Unwittingly Giving The Ultimate Meta-Overheard Line

"I probably shouldn't talk about this here, but I don't think anyone's listening."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Attempting To Make Pun About 'Gated Communities'

"How many gay Teds can there be?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Account Person In Creative Presentation

"Ferrets are much more aspirational than rats."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Waiter To Fellow Waiter

"What do you wanna bet Bush tries to nominate Wolfowitz for Pope?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Straight Friend Dressing For Gay Friend's Party

"I'll wear this shirt because it shows off my boobs. That's a nice thing to do for a lesbian."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Eight-Year-Old In Grocery Store

"Me and Sam have an acquired taste for cold corn."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy And Girl Drinking In Bar

Girl: "I totally can't eat raw broccoli."
Guy: "Yeah, I'm like the opposite, but with bananas."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Reading Sign That Says "Jesus Loves You"

"Dude, he doesn't even like me."

OVERHEARD BY MK