Boy With Mean Mom Who Wants The Cavity-Terrorists To Win

Boy: "I want a toothbrush."
Mom: "You don't need a toothbrush."
Boy: "But I don't haaavvve a toothbrush."
Mom: "Yes you do. I just bought you an electric Spiderman toothbrush."
Boy: "But electric is baaaaaaddddddd!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl On Castro-Bound MUNI Whose Gaydar Has Really Improved

"I used to date a guy who looks like those guys over there.... He was gay."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cell Phone Girl Helping Her Man Relate

"Hello?... I'm at Target...Yeah, well, you know how you like football? Well, I like shopping."

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

Guy On Really Large Woman's Really Small Shirt

"They don't make red striped shirts in her size. It'd be too easy to find Waldo."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

MUNI Guy Who's Flummoxed By Munchkins

"Wait. I thought her dad was the mayor of Munchkinland. God, it's so confusing."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

(Obviously) White Guy Shaking It On The Dance Floor

"Look at me, I'm crinkling! Or is it krunkling?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

D&D Guy Attempting To Flirt With Goth Girl

"If you were my accomplice, I'd share my spoils with you."

OVERHEARD BY ANDY (VIA SIMON)

Guy Exiting Lingerie Store

"Somehow I don't think I could take myself seriously in a thong."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Muscular Guy In Castro

"We're doing the same thing we do every night: working out, hitting a bar, then working out again."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Proud Mom On Daughter's Open-Mindedness

"With Traci, it doesn't matter. If it has alcohol in it, she'll drink it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Sixth Grader Discussing History With Friend

Girl: "Is Ronald Reagan dead?"
Friend: "I'm guessing history isn't your greatest subject."
Girl: "No, but I'm good at social studies."

OVERHEARD BY ROHAN

Guy On Cell Phone Who's Irrationally Exuberant About Flooring

"You know that wood floor? We, we, we -- we finished the whole thing!!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy On Cell Phone Who's Confused? Forgetful? A Moron?

"How's your boyfriend doing? Paulo? Pablo? Fabio?....Michael, right. How's Michael?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Pre-Teen Zoo Volunteer Telling Guest About Hedgehog

Pre-teen: "His name is Snap. Can you guess his brother's name?"
Guest: "Crackle and Pop?"
Pre-teen: "That's right. Except it's just Crackle. Pop died."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl With Eye For Detail

"Do you remember Pamela? Her eye cocked off to the side a little bit?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Crazy Man Wearing One Flip-Flop And Pushing Wheelchair Full Of Personal Belongings, To Security Guard

"I'm not homeless, silly!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guys At Loud Restaurant Table

Guy 1: "Why are we applauding?"
Guy 2: "Because Doug's so good at dividing and times-ing."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Straight Dude To Another Dude

"She kisses like I think you might kiss."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Indignant Teenage Girl To Her Sister, At Urban Outfitters

"Mom won't let me get the 'B is for Bi-atch' t-shirt!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Guy Who Thinks He's Charming And Server Who Thinks He's Not

Guy: "Can I get some change?"
Server: "Sure. Give me a second."
Guy: "All right. But you only get one, so choose wisely."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy At Doughnut Shop Who Wouldn't Dare Return Emptyhanded

Cashier: "There's no bacon made up right now. Do you mind waiting a couple minutes?"
Guy: "My wife just found out she's pregnant with our second child and she has a craving for a BLT. I'll wait."

OVERHEARD BY SIMON

Guy To Friend On Boston Subway

"If you keep analyzing your failures, you won't have time to do anything else."

OVERHEARD BY NOAH

Woman On Cell, To Understandably Skittish Friend

"Listen, if you're uncomfortable having a gun in the house, you need to say something to him!"

OVERHEARD BY SUE

Caseworker At Group Home To Autistic Boy

"I can't understand you! Speak American!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Girl In Bar, On Woman They Probably Didn't Quote

"Oh, she's a total bitch. They called her a couple hours after 9/11 for a comment and she said, 'What a pain in the ass. Now they're gonna be going on about this for years.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl In Hella Need Of Thesaurus

"He's hella smart. He made his own computer. And he's so obsessive, he has a hat to match every outfit. He's got hella hats."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Young Woman In MOMA, Recoiling From Large Painting

"Oh my god! That painting totally reminds me of something I hate about myself!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Scientific Bartender

"I would say 95% of people who fall off their stools are sober. Because drunk people are really, really careful."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Street People In Love

Homeless Woman: "Why can't you touch my pussy the way it needs to be touched!"
Homeless Man: "Because it's dirty!"

OVERHEARD BY R.B. RIPLEY

20-Something Girl To Friend Upset Over How People Are. Or Is.

"Let's just remember how things are. He is who he is. You are who you are. I am who I am. OK?"

OVERHEARD BY KIRK

Guy Who Must Have Acted In The 1890s

"I don't miss acting, but I miss my actor compatriots. Such free spirits. Such joie de vivre."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who Could Maybe Eat Chickens

"I'm a vegetarian. But I would maybe eat meat if it didn't have a brain."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Burly Truck Driver To Dude Who Just Backed Into BMW

"Don't worry about it, man. No matter how bad you feel, I'll find a way to make you feel worse."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Definite Guy, To Security Guard Writing On Napkin

"You gotta write it right. Put: 'This individual is my wife. I intend to take care of her indefinitely. Or until death.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Sensitive Travelers On MUNI

Girl 1: "We went to Ground Zero a couple of times."
Girl 2: "That's awesome!!!"
Girl 1: "We didn't enjoy it, though."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Geek At Giant's Game Out-Geeking Other Geek

"Can you believe that dork brought a laptop to a ball game? I definitely have to blog about that."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Twenty-Something Street Rat On Crutches, To Girlfriend

"No! I'm leaving! I'm leaving! I'm done, okay? I'm DONE! LOOK AT MY EARS!! I'M FUCKING DONE!!"

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Guy On MUNI

"She's the kinda chick where, if I talk shit about her, it's only gonna make me like her more."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy To Woman Standing By Yappy Chihuahua

"I bet your neighbors just adore you."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy With Low Standards

"Man, I just bought me that DVD of 'Ray Charles' and, boy oh boy, that thing played right through from start to finish!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Leading Drunk Away From Friends

"We better get him out of here before he goes from 'I love you guys' to 'You know what your problem is?'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man On Cell Phone Wearing Giant Blinged-Out Crucifix

"Yeah, so why don't you call some of your freaky girl friends and we'll come over to your house and have an orgy?... No, it has to be at your house, they're your freaky friends. I'll bring the liquor."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Preemptively Cheap Girl Outside Restaurant

"I want to make one thing clear: Seperate checks. We split it three ways.... And, you know, the plates are really big, and you'll probably take some home for Bill, so maybe we should split it four ways."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Irish Girl Drinking Guinness In The States

"It tastes different here. It tastes like grilled meat."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Well-Read Guy In Bookstore

"Look, the world's leaders know when the world's gonna end. They're using up all the resources, then they're outta here on rockets developed by the Nazis..... You need to read more."

OVERHEARD BY TIM