Guy Immediately Qualifying To Be A Teamster

After All Buildings Had Been Evacuated On A Studio Lot During The Power Outage In Los Angeles: "If we were under attack, there'd be jets and shit. Let's see if the commissary is open."

OVERHEARD BY R.B. RIPLEY

Art Supply Store Clerk I Can't Help But Think Was Mistaken

"Yeah, I'm sorry, we don't have any two-sided paper."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Twenty Years Ago, Two Prescient Kids Discuss 'Intelligent Design'

Kid: "Why do we have two holes in our nose?"
Brother: "So you can breathe while you pick your nose."

OVERHEARD BY COLIN

Guy Whose Body Says 'Jackass'

"90% of your body language is how you talk."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk Who Must Mean 'Down The Montgomery BART Steps'

"That's how I roll, muthafucka!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Children Left Behind

Teen Girl: "She used to be a P.E. teacher. Why she teaching physics?"
Teen Guy: "Dumbass. That's what P.E. stands for."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Fellow Overhearer On The Downside Of Eavesdropping

"I thought that guy was saying something worth overhearing, but he was just quoting The Simpsons."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Critic In SF Dive Bar 'Mr. Bing's'

"I like the painting over there of the tennis player picking her ass. That's art."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Writing Teacher On The Mammalian Quality Of Ideas

"Ideas are like cows. No, no, that's stupid.... Ideas are like rabbits."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl to Friend Before Walking Into Bedroom

Girl 1: "Let me go see if John is decent."
Girl 2: "You can tell that just by looking at him?"

OVERHEARD BY IRINA

Girl Who Obviously Doesn't Have TiVo

“Oh my God, Java Juice is like the greatest invention known to man!”

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN

Drunk Guy At Death Cab For Cutie Concert, To Lucky Girlfriend

"I mean, if you weren't around, you know, if you weren't in my life, you know, it's like, I got my music, you know? I'd be all right."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Overheard At 24th And Potrero. Unclear If Said By Man, Woman Or Hooker

"My panties are like hot pants tonight. Whoooooooo!"

OVERHEARD BY JACKSON

Creepy Mom Agressively Hugging 9-Year-Old Boy

"Your mother is allowed to violate your personal space. Nobody else is, but your mother is!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Guy Thinking "But These Go To Eleven"

Old Guy: "I have a Mr. Coffee, but I use it to brew tea. I put in tea bags, and I brew tea."
Young Guy: "You should call it Mr. Tea.... Right?.... Instead of Mr. Coffee?"
Old Guy: "Yeah, but.... I use mine to brew tea."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy I Can't Wait To Hire As My Lawyer

"I think I'm going to be late to the bar exam.... Oh well, if I am, I am."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who Must Think It's Contagious

Girl 1: "Do you want to see them while you're in town?"
Girl 2: "God no. They have a baby."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Boy With Mean Mom Who Wants The Cavity-Terrorists To Win

Boy: "I want a toothbrush."
Mom: "You don't need a toothbrush."
Boy: "But I don't haaavvve a toothbrush."
Mom: "Yes you do. I just bought you an electric Spiderman toothbrush."
Boy: "But electric is baaaaaaddddddd!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl On Castro-Bound MUNI Whose Gaydar Has Really Improved

"I used to date a guy who looks like those guys over there.... He was gay."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cell Phone Girl Helping Her Man Relate

"Hello?... I'm at Target...Yeah, well, you know how you like football? Well, I like shopping."

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

Guy On Really Large Woman's Really Small Shirt

"They don't make red striped shirts in her size. It'd be too easy to find Waldo."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

MUNI Guy Who's Flummoxed By Munchkins

"Wait. I thought her dad was the mayor of Munchkinland. God, it's so confusing."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

(Obviously) White Guy Shaking It On The Dance Floor

"Look at me, I'm crinkling! Or is it krunkling?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

D&D Guy Attempting To Flirt With Goth Girl

"If you were my accomplice, I'd share my spoils with you."

OVERHEARD BY ANDY (VIA SIMON)

Guy Exiting Lingerie Store

"Somehow I don't think I could take myself seriously in a thong."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Muscular Guy In Castro

"We're doing the same thing we do every night: working out, hitting a bar, then working out again."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Proud Mom On Daughter's Open-Mindedness

"With Traci, it doesn't matter. If it has alcohol in it, she'll drink it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Sixth Grader Discussing History With Friend

Girl: "Is Ronald Reagan dead?"
Friend: "I'm guessing history isn't your greatest subject."
Girl: "No, but I'm good at social studies."

OVERHEARD BY ROHAN

Guy On Cell Phone Who's Irrationally Exuberant About Flooring

"You know that wood floor? We, we, we -- we finished the whole thing!!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy On Cell Phone Who's Confused? Forgetful? A Moron?

"How's your boyfriend doing? Paulo? Pablo? Fabio?....Michael, right. How's Michael?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Pre-Teen Zoo Volunteer Telling Guest About Hedgehog

Pre-teen: "His name is Snap. Can you guess his brother's name?"
Guest: "Crackle and Pop?"
Pre-teen: "That's right. Except it's just Crackle. Pop died."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl With Eye For Detail

"Do you remember Pamela? Her eye cocked off to the side a little bit?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Crazy Man Wearing One Flip-Flop And Pushing Wheelchair Full Of Personal Belongings, To Security Guard

"I'm not homeless, silly!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guys At Loud Restaurant Table

Guy 1: "Why are we applauding?"
Guy 2: "Because Doug's so good at dividing and times-ing."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Straight Dude To Another Dude

"She kisses like I think you might kiss."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Indignant Teenage Girl To Her Sister, At Urban Outfitters

"Mom won't let me get the 'B is for Bi-atch' t-shirt!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Guy Who Thinks He's Charming And Server Who Thinks He's Not

Guy: "Can I get some change?"
Server: "Sure. Give me a second."
Guy: "All right. But you only get one, so choose wisely."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy At Doughnut Shop Who Wouldn't Dare Return Emptyhanded

Cashier: "There's no bacon made up right now. Do you mind waiting a couple minutes?"
Guy: "My wife just found out she's pregnant with our second child and she has a craving for a BLT. I'll wait."

OVERHEARD BY SIMON

Guy To Friend On Boston Subway

"If you keep analyzing your failures, you won't have time to do anything else."

OVERHEARD BY NOAH

Woman On Cell, To Understandably Skittish Friend

"Listen, if you're uncomfortable having a gun in the house, you need to say something to him!"

OVERHEARD BY SUE

Caseworker At Group Home To Autistic Boy

"I can't understand you! Speak American!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Girl In Bar, On Woman They Probably Didn't Quote

"Oh, she's a total bitch. They called her a couple hours after 9/11 for a comment and she said, 'What a pain in the ass. Now they're gonna be going on about this for years.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl In Hella Need Of Thesaurus

"He's hella smart. He made his own computer. And he's so obsessive, he has a hat to match every outfit. He's got hella hats."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Young Woman In MOMA, Recoiling From Large Painting

"Oh my god! That painting totally reminds me of something I hate about myself!"

OVERHEARD BY CHRISTINE

Scientific Bartender

"I would say 95% of people who fall off their stools are sober. Because drunk people are really, really careful."

OVERHEARD BY TIM