Guy Thinking Of...Someone

Guy 1: "St. Nicholas. Isn't he the evil one?"
Guy 2: "No, St. Nick is Santa Claus."
Guy 1: "Oh, I must be thinking of John the Baptist."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Olfactorily Gifted Girl On MUNI

"I don't like her. She smells like the bottom of someone's purse."

OVERHEARD BY MK

13-Year-Old Harry Potter Look-Alike, To Ron Weasley Look-Alike

Kid 1: "It was weird. It was a picture of two gay guys having sex."
Kid 2: "You've lived in San Francisco for thirteen years. You should be used to that."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Special Valentine's Message From A Savvy Server

"Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day: the nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Middle-Aged Cell Phone Guy (And Pimp) In Coffee Shop

"David dreamed we were all at the beach and you asked me to sleep with you, and I thought about it and asked everyone's advice and decided that I probably shouldn't . . . Oh, you think if you asked me in real life I'd say no? . . . Okay, well how about I call your bluff and say yes, I will sleep with you . . . When should we meet?"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Guy On The Problem With '24'

"The old Jack would've killed him. The old Jack would've killed him and then shot his dad for looking at him that way. The new Jack's a pussy."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girls In Next Dressing Room

(And it's because babies don't have boobs):

"My boobs don't fit in the baby-doll part."


Same girls, different shirt (and again with the boobs):

Girl 1: "I don't know about this shirt."
Girl 2: "Yeah, it's like your boobs are up touching your chin."


OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl On Haight, After Silently Mulling Something For A Long Time, Turns To Her Guy Friend

"Wait, did you just say that sometimes you wish you were a woman?"

OVERHEARD BY GREG

Woman At San Jose Sharks Hockey Game

"Shoot it! SHOOT IT! WILL YOU JUST FUCKING SHOOT IT???!!!!! ...... Thank you. Nice try."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Is She Complaining, Or Bragging About Her Summer Home In Wisconsin?

"We have a lot of cheese at our house. A LOT of cheese."

OVERHEARD BY MK

8-year-Old Hippie Who Clearly Goes To School In San Francisco

"I think we all just need to respect our differences here!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Kids Say The Most Uncomfortable Things

Kid 1: "This was the thing that made your penis hurt."
Kid 2: "That was when I was littler."

(FYI: It was a metal banister they were sliding down.)

OVERHEARD BY DIANA

Country Singer, To The Three People In The Bar Actually Paying Attention

"Thanks for the pulse-having, song-asking and tip-giving."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy At Airport, Re: Insane Child Running Around And Acting Up

"I'm gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Lawyers Reminiscing

"Do you remember that one case with the girl who had the botched breast reduction? She said they grew back."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Malapropism Of The Day

"I used a little reverse psychosis on him."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who Did Not Have A Holly, Jolly Christmas

Guy: "How were your holidays?"
Girl: "They were good. They were weird, but they were fine. And now they're over."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Said In Hell's Kitchen By Young (Read 'Pretentious') Aspiring Actress

"I realized I was treating our relationship the same way I treated my performance in a show..."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

How Nicknames Are Bestowed

Guy: "Who's he? Is that Surly Chef?"
Girl: "Nah, there's already a Surly Chef. He can be Dickish Chef."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

A Civilized And Philosophical Break Up

Girl: "If I get fat, it's your fault for breaking up with me."
Guy: "So if you get depressed and can't eat and get skinny, do I get credit?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Unbelievable, Indeed

Guy 1: "Can you believe my dad got my mom a Porsche for Christmas?"
Guy 2: "That's unbelievable. I thought you were Jewish."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

MUNI's "Officer Malaprop" Working The 38 Geary Bus

"You're not from around here, are you? People around here are more laxative."

OVERHEARD BY DAWN

Woman Drinking Rum Daquiri, Or Perhaps Bain De Soleil

"That totally tastes like suntan lotion to me. But in a good way."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

It Isn't Just Great Minds That Think Alike

"We're on the same page, but it's in the trash can."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Season's Greetings From Overheard Lines!

"Overheard Lines will go dark until 2007. Please make note of all the inane things your family says when you visit for the holidays and send them our way. Happy Merry!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who May Or May Not Be Having Black-Eyed Peas

"Let's stay in and cook on New Year's. We'll try to make something traditional but not disgusting."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Dude On Bus Who Must Be Friends With Bill O'Reilly

"Jon Stewart! I'm going to find the people that know him and find him and hit him in the face."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

The Walt Whitman Of Bums, On The Number Six Bus

"Dogs pee free, why can't we?"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

SNL-Watching Woman

"It's a thin line between Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Can Probably Also Beat Up People After Watching Popeye Cartoons

"I was listening to Bob Marley earlier today and it totally gave me the munchies."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Crazy Guy Riding BART

"Everybody! It's my fucking birthday! ... Who wants fennel?!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Said With Disdain Outside The Conde Nast Building

"Oh God! That is soooo Architectural Digest."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Disillusioned Girl On Cellphone

"The restaurant actually had Two Buck Chuck on the menu! We asked him how much it was.... Thirteen bucks."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Identity Theft, Anyone?

Middle-Aged Cellphone Guy On BART During Crowded Afternoon Rush Hour: "Hey, yeah, I want the car. Since I'm not gonna be able to make it to the dealership before you close, I'll just give you my credit card number now...." :: proceeds to loudly speak his credit card number, expiration date and personal info into the phone -- then calls his wife and says he just bought a Mercedes ::

OVERHEARD BY KIRK

Possible Double Compliment, From Crazy Fat Guy With Cane

"Oh, my sister would love you.... She's a lesbian."

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN (FEMALE)

Girl With One Tiny Little Problem

"My only problem with driving is I drive in both lanes."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Little Girl In Next Stall Who Has More Bodily Functions Than Most

"I just went number twelve!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman With Two Ex-Husbands And One Plan For The Future

Woman: "Marriage is like a whole other world where everything from the rational world goes out the door. I plan to live in sin and have bastard children."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Thrift Store Workers Collecting Stuff On The Day Before Thanksgiving

Woman 1: "Why's it so busy today?"
Woman 2: "Everybody has family coming over and they don't want them to see how they really live."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM TIM

Guy Listening To The Smiths

"This is one of my favorite songs! I always think of it when I'm thinking of evil."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wise One Walking On Polk Street

"Sure I like sushi, but I'm not going to eat it in Colorado."

OVERHEARD BY AMY

Guy On The V.P.'s P.R.

"I wouldn't even trust Dick Cheney to wash my car. Not only would he do a bad job, he'd lie about it, too."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy At Airport, Miffed About Security Concerns Over Red Sauce

"Well, we wouldn't want Osama whipping up some penne pasta, now, would we?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Clever Guy Working Out The Details Of A Devious Plan

Girl: "I don’t want to go. Maybe I’ll gnaw my arm off."
Guy: "No, first get it caught in caught in a door so there’s an understanding of WHY you gnawed your arm off."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Getting Off The Phone With Her 15-Year-Old Sister

"She's my heart, she's my soul, and I want to punch her in the face."

OVERHEARD BY MK