Light-Skinned African-American Man Complaining About Lack Of Melanin

"I have to wear SPF 16. For black people, that's like 100."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Semi-Free To Be Semi-Me

Guy 1: "Hey, are you going tomorrow night?"
Guy 2: "I don’t know. I have a semi-wife and I semi have to ask her."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Couple Discussing, Uh, USC? (University of Sardines and Capers?)

"I hate that school. You can't leave without smelling like it."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Two Girls Walking Past University Library

"So then I just, like, you know, in my room, but it wasn't a full, like, poop..."

OVERHEARD BY ALYSSA

Guy With Backup Plan, To Guy Friend

"I hate women. Do you want to be gay with me?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

'We'd Assume This Was Benign In Context, If We Could Only Think Of A Context'

Woman To Man: "Has to be workable with whiskers; you can't have whiskers tangling in the ropes."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

'Mommy's Little Contributor To The Bottom Line'

"Her kindergarten tuition is like twice what my college tuition was. She’d better be learning a trade."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Lines Went On Vacation And Forgot To Tell You

"Apologies to all, especially the dude who asked if I was in a coma. Back on Monday."

SAID BY TIM

Compliments Of The...Mmm, Is That A Compliment?

Man: "There you go, you're looking less and less creepy as time goes by."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Not What You Want To Hear At Sunday Morning Breakfast, Even If It's At A Cafe In The Tenderloin

Guy At Counter Talking On Cell Phone: "I went to the worst leather bar last night. It was a level 9. All I could smell was grundle. It was absolutely frightening."

OVERHEARD BY NATE

Woman, To Other Woman, Coming In From Highly Inappropriate Smoke Break

"Well, you should just get the 'landing strip' and take care of the rest yourself."

OVERHEARD BY BRIAN

Michael Scott Wannabe

Bank Teller: "Hey, today is Friday the 13th! Scaaaarry!"
Manager: "Yep. And I hope you're abducted, then killed by a masked murderer."
Bank Teller: "What?! Oh my God, you're evil!"
Manager: "Yeah, so...'good kill' to you!"
Bank Teller: "What???"
Manager: "Like when you wish someone 'good will'...only in this case you wish people 'good kill'."
Bank Teller: "Oh...."
Manager: "No, but seriously. I'd feel kinda bad if that really happened to you."
Bank Teller: "No, you wouldn't. You would laugh at the irony."
Manager: "Yeah, you're right...."

OVERHEARD BY C.C.

Girl Who Dreams Big

"Mom, you know what we should have for dinner tomorrow? Casserole!"

OVERHEARD BY TARA

Five-Year-Olds At A Birthday Party

Boy: "When I grow up, I'm going to be a fire hydrant."
Girl: "You can't be a fire hydrant!"
Boy: "My mommy said I can be whatever I want when I grow up."
Girl: "Your mom's an idiot!"

OVERHEARD BY AMANDA

At A Job Fair For Gift Shop Positions At A Zoo

Interviewer: "So tell me about your current job. What's your favorite thing about it?"
Potential Employee: "Well, it's the only job I found where I can legally dance on the counter tops."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

'Yeah, Well, Actually....'

Guy: "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid!"

OVERHEARD BY JIM

12-Year-Old Watching Slow-Mo Replay During Super Bowl

"Their butts are jiggly!"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

'And A Diet Coke...'

Woman: 'I'd like the full fry-up, please, with extra bacon. And two slices
of toast and marmalade.'
Assistant: 'Do you want butter or margarine on the toast?'
Woman: 'Oh, marmalade. I'm on a diet.'

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

A Couple Of Working Joe's Having A Beer

Guy 1: "So who's this middle class they keep talking about?"
Guy 2: "You got your bigshots in New York, and your movie folks in L.A., and the middle class is everyone in the middle of that."

OVERHEARD BY JULIE

'Same Way They Raise Brainless...Never Mind'

Mother: "We're having boneless chicken for dinner."
Daughter: "How do they raise boneless chickens?"

OVERHEARD BY LINDA

Overheard In The Office On The Way To The Printer

"You can't change the demographics unless you're a Nazi."

OVERHEARD BY KAREN

Lover's Quarrel On Minna Street

"Nigga, you ain't nothing special...I'm gonna go make a salad...."

OVERHEARD BY NATE

Optimistic Mother On Chicago El

"I ate nothing but M&M's and Chinese food for the last few months of my pregnancy. My daughter weighed four pounds when she was born, but I never got sick once."

OVERHEARD BY OLD NED

Theological Discussion On Train

Guy: "What, he's a Buddhist? So has he shaved his head and become a nun and stuff?"
Girl: "He just said he's a Buddhist. He's probably not; he's probably a Christian."
Guy: "Didn't Johnny become a Buddhist? Or was that vegetarian?"

OVERHEARD BY REBECCA

'Train To Cheating Side Of Town In Seven Minutes'

Cellphone Guy, On BART: "I got your text the other night, are you okay...? The text said you wanted me to come out and sleep with you.... Well, maybe.... Well, no, I can't. I have a girlfriend."

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

'Thank The Lord For Small Blessings'

Man Dialing Phone: "Luckily there are no 4's in my Mom's number."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Mom At Airport Giving A Confusing Lesson On Geography And Wildlife

Mom: "Buffalo's in New York."
Kid: "They ARE?!?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Typical Four-Year-Old, Drawing Pictures

Uncle: "What are you drawing?"
Kid: "It's a street. And this is a cat."
Uncle: "Aww, that's sweet."
Kid: "And now a car is gonna run over it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Line To See 'Milk'

"I've seen it nine times. It's like 'Star Wars' for gays."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

We're Hoping O.B. Comments On This One

Girl 1: "This country is so tasteless. I can't wait to go to Britain, where there's class."
Girl 2: "God, I hate Britain. It's just like America only with unintelligible accents."

OVERHEARD BY SAHRA

Girl Explaining Why She Doesn't Like To Exercise

"It's just that I'm the sedimentary type."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICK

'The Classic Conundrum: Which Came First, The TV Or The Air Hockey Table?'

Guy: "And that's when the puck hit the TV."
Girl: "They shouldn't have put the TV so close to the air hockey table."
Guy: "The TV was already there."
Girl: "In that case, they shouldn't have put the air hockey table so close to the TV."
Guy: "The table was already there."
Girl: "..."


OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy Covering All The Bases With Prospective Date

“I’m not religious--I’m spiritual. I guess I’m a Christian, but Jesus wasn’t one.”

OVERHEARD BY ROD

'And This Will Probably Be True For The Next Few Christmases'

Customer: "What are you doing this Christmas?"
Clerk: "Well, it's been five years and Dad's still dead so.....you know."

OVERHEARD BY KERRI

Overheard Lines Is Closed For The Holidays; Back On Dec 29

"Don't be one of those people who says, 'Oh, man, I heard something great at my cousin's cookie swap; I wish I'd written it down.' Stop your holiday enjoyment and scribble down your overheard lines -- then submit when you're back on company time! A holiday message from your OL host. Have a good one!"

SAID BY TIM

Comedy Aficionado At Target

"How are communist leader Russian nesting dolls not funny?"

OVERHEARD BY EM

Overheard While Waiting For A Bus

Girl: "I have to learn how to play poker so I can get a poker face."

OVERHEARD BY SARA

Teens In 'Issues In Society' Class With Issues Of Their Own

Teen 1: "What's that thing when you're sitting behind blinds at a pond, and you shoot ducks, and the dog goes to get them?"
Teen 2: "Um, duck hunting?"
Teen 1: "No, that's not it..."

OVERHEARD BY KIERSTIN

The Castro, It Is A-Changin'

Guy: "This used to be all gay stuff, but now it’s just all yuppie stuff..."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Sounds Like She's A Carrie'

Guy 1: "Hey, thanks for playing wingman the other night. Too bad she had so many issues."
Guy 2: "Yeah, when I heard her mention the ex-boyfriend for the third time, I knew it was trouble. I've seen enough Sex in the City to know where that road leads."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Overheard In The Dressing Room

Girl 1: "That would make a good homecoming dress."
Girl 2: "I don't know, it looks like a pregnant girl dress."
Girl 1: "Well, if you wear it right, it could be both!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Explaining Why Her Daughter's Girl Scout Troupe Sucks

"No snacks, no crafts, just a bitch lecturing first graders."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'I Always Thought Confident Girls Were Whores'

Girl: "They haven't done it yet! I think she's frigid."
Friend: "Really? She seems well-confident to me."
Girl: "Oh, you can be well-confident and frigid."
Friend: "Oh...I didn't know that."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

'Problem Is, Geeks Would Find An Alternate Use'

Woman: "I love my iPhone. The only thing that's missing is a hole for me to stick my tongue in and make out with it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Who Will Soon Be Moving To Another Town

Daughter: "I think writing checks is complicated. You write one, and then you have two days to make sure you have the money to cover it. It's a pain in the ass!"
Mom: "That's not how checks are supposed to work."
Daughter: "But on the other hand, if it bounces, you can still keep the stuff. Just don't go back to that store."
Mom: "Umm...yeah, that's not how checks work...."

OVERHEARD BY ERINMARIE