Guy, On Why People Line Up Three Days In Advance

"I don't go to see Star Wars for award-winning performances. I go because they swing light sabres and shit."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girls Passing Shoe Store

Girl 1: "I think heels are comfortable. I run in heels. I walk in heels. I sleep in heels."
Girl 2: "Yeah, that ain't all you doing in bed with them heels."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Bussing Table, To Fellow Busser

"Did you see that? I just stuck my finger in that, then went [slurping noise] -- just out of habit."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Two-Faced Mom At San Francisco Zoo

"Dude, look, those turtles are totally fucking.... What's that, honey? Oh, that turtle is helping his friend swim."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Cute Girls In Restaurant

Cute girl #1: "Lesbians like me because they think I'm a lesbian too."
Cute girl #2: "Yeah, guys like me for the same reason."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Direction Given To Writer On How To Talk About New Fall Coats

"We want to communicate that it's sophisticated even though it's scratchy."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Foodies Over Drinks

Guy 1: "The Culinary Institute of America is $46,000 for 18 months. That's like the Stanford of food!"
Guy 2: "But when you graduate, you get a set of Ginsu knives."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman, On Male Model Packed Into A Tight G-String

"Looks like he's packing a twelve-pack in a six-pack case."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

At The Oxygen Bar In Las Vegas Airport

Tourist: "Is this a hospital?"
Worker: "Um, no....it's an airport."
Tourist: "Then why are you giving them oxygen?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Showdog Drunks And Dads

Drunk 1: "I saw in a tabloid.... This dachshund was found chewing on a dead baby."
Drunk 2: "I'd have given my dog a medal if he'd gone after one or two of mine."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Teen To Soon-To-Be-Obese Friend

"You is the most lazy-ass fuckin' -- Why you getting on that bus when school is one block away?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Bitter Guy In Coffee Shop

"The only good thing about her is there aren't two of her."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Girl With Sad Sense Of Humor, Strolling On River Thames

"You think you know someone after six weeks, but it turns out you know shit-all. He's a lying, cheating shit.... But he makes me laugh."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Man Trying To Say "That Play Was Awesome"

"Not to push the point, but I must say that was quite well done."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Mom To Young Girl Standing On The Site Of Anne Boleyn And Lady Jane Grey's Beheadings

"Will you please calm down and try to enjoy this?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Man Planning A Corporate Team-Bonding Experience

"We need to make the clues really cryptic. Because a treasure hunt without good clues is just a tour of places you wouldn't ever really go."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Backpacker On Crowded MUNI Bus

"I've never seen this many Asians in one place.... Maybe Thailand."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Lady Waiting To See Play At Royal National Theatre

"Not many old people here. Not many middle-aged people here. Mostly young people here. We should have just stayed at home with the kids."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Little British Girl, Pointing To Baboon

"Look at that one's fancy bum!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Jeff, Seeing The Bright Side Of A Monotone Rendition Of "Hotel California" In A Dublin Pub

"At least he knows all the words."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

MK Herself, Rejecting A Dublin Pub

"I don't want to listen to Ricky Martin in any country."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Pissed Off Dude To Girlfriend, Wandering Temple Bar Area Of Dublin

"They're all Irish pubs!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

MK Herself, Taking In All The Beauty Of Ireland

"This is more cuteness than I can handle. I'm just gonna puke pink."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Jeff, Summarizing What It's Like To Drive Through Ireland

"Look at that old dungeon-castle-church-thing up there."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wife, On Husband's Idea Of How He'd Probably React To Something

"I hate you just from your description."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Guide Of "Jack The Ripper" London Walk

"Now on the next part of the tour, we might encounter what I like to call 'friendly drunks.' They might ask you for money, they might help us out by re-enacting one of the murders, or they might think I'm not doing a good enough job of telling it and help me out."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Old British Woman Looking At National Gallery's Painting Of Judah & Tamar

"That's the one to learn a lesson from. She knew how to handle a crooked man."

OVERHEARD BY MK

British Hooligan

"First he called me American and I'm like, yeah, okay, all right. But then he called me Canadian! And I've never even been rafting!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Chatty English Drunk At Pub

"Just a typical English evening -- we tuck in our penises and run around. It's not unlike spring break."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

British Woman At Outdoor Pub

"Hurry and drink up before your beer gets cold."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Couple Contemplating A Purchase At An Outdoor London Market

Woman: "But you can't do anything with them."
Man: "That's 'cuz they're called ornaments."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Walking Through London Park

"This umbrella is tiny. It's like a hat on a stick."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Walking Down London Street

"It smells like beer. I like that in a country."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

English Bloke To His Dog, After It Took A Huge Poo In A Tube Station

"You are a fucking idiot!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Account Executive, "Complimenting" Art Director

"I really admire the increased font size."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Lesbian To Lesbian Friend Applying Carmex

"When did you start wearing makeup?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk Girl To Drunker Girlfriend, Making Travel Plans

"If I'm gonna go to the City of Love, I want to go with a lover."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman To Her, Um, Not Very Significant Other?

"We're coming up on our one-year anniversary! And that's so weird because we have an 'undefined' relationship."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Teen, Waiting For Bus

"He looks all ghetto, but he listens to Smokey Robinson."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Two Guys Who Really Know Fun

Guy 1: "We should do something fun tonight."
Guy 2: "Yeah. What did we used to do?"
Guy 1: "I don't know. Smoke."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Misunderstanding The Perfunctory Nature Of "How's It Going?"

"It's going terribly. But I'm doing okay."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Belligerent Homeless Woman, Proposing New Tourism Slogan

"This city fuckin' fucks your ass up."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Wearing Newish-Looking Sport Coat

"I want to be known as 'That Blazer Guy,' not 'That Same Blazer Guy.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk Woman, Almost Passed Out In Front Of Boarded-Up Store

"I had a lot of help getting where I'm at."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who's Always On Some Street I've Never Been On

"I don't see what's so wrong with Chinese food. But people on the street are always saying you should get pizza."

OVERHEARD BY TIM