Woman Talking To Herself While Fueling At A Citgo Station

"Gas smells."

OVERHEARD BY AMERICAN GEISHA

Woman Talking To Herself While Reading Menu

"$9.95 comes with coffee or tea and your choice of Bloody Mary -- ooo, in the morning? Really?"

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Teen Who Must Really Hate Barry Bonds

"I hate Hilary Duff. She's so skinny, she must be on steroids."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girls Watching Newscaster Invoke The Spirit Of K. K. Kringle

Girl 1: "Did he just say 'Aryan children need your help this holiday season'?"
Girl 2: "No, he said area children."
Girl 1: "Oh. Thank God."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Witty Noel Coward Banter At Christmas Dinner

Woman: "Why don't you open that wine and let it breathe?"
Man: "If it's not breathing, should I give it mouth-to-mouth?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Mall Santa Who Wasn't Quite Into Character Yet

"Hi. Merry Christmas. Hey, Merry Christmas. Hey, how's it going? Merry Christmas."

OVERHEARD BY MK

At A Fern Bar In San Francisco

"Someday Molly's boyfriend is going to find out she has a blog, and he's going to see all the pictures of her making out with other guys on it..."

OVERHEARD BY AMY

Animators At Party, Flirting In A Rankin/Bass Sort Of Way

Guy: "I know why you like me. I'm too much!"
Girl: "Eh, you're cool. But you're no Heat Miser."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Restaurant With Practical Pagan Parents

"They held me back a year, so I think my mom decided private Catholic school was no longer 'worth it.'"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Waxing Nostalgic About His Exotic Childhood

"It was a whole other world. It was Ohio!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cell Phone Guy On MUNI Who Was Definitely Telling The Truth

"You should see this haircut I just got. An abomination was perpretrated. Butchery!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Innovative Guys In Noe Valley Pizza Restaurant

Guy 1: "I want my body donated to science. Except for my testes."
Guy 2: "Maybe you could have those made into little Chinese worry balls for your wife."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Sorta Takes After The Guy In The Previous Post's Grandfather

Guy 1: "It's like when I go to request a song, but I don't know the title or the artist. So I just say, 'Start playing songs and I'll tell you when you get it.'"
Guy 2: "I can't believe you're that annoying."
Guy 1: "At least I admit it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Sorta Takes After His Grandfather

"Grandma was such an angel. But grandpa was kind of a dick."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy In Restaurant Who's A Bonafide Hero

"I wanted a milkshake. But guess what? I didn't get it. Because I care. That jerk was just going to get a milkshake no matter who it affected. But I'm a paragon of empathy."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Who Proves That People Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn't Take Location Tours

"I was going to take the X-Files tour, but now they've turned it into the 'TV Tour,' and I didn't want to end up with all those geeks who watch Stargate."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Part-Time Fairy, Part-Time Lizard

"It's hard being the tooth fairy. You have to crawl in, on your stomach, like a reptile."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Vegetarian In Heavy Denial

Guy: "You're a vegetarian? But you're wearing a leather coat."
Girl: "This cow had polio."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman In Bar, Still Traumatized After All These Years

"I was always afraid Santa'd come to my house and be all, 'I'm 360 pounds and I made it down your chimney. Give me some milk, bitch!'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man At Gay Wedding In Vancouver Art Gallery

"There are no open flames allowed in here. Except us."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Sappy Friends Getting All Gushy At The End Of Thanksgiving Weekend

Girl (to Guy): "Bye, Lady."
Guy (to Girl): "Bye, Tranny."
Other Guy (to Guy): "Bye, Fatty."
Guy (with a surprising lack of irony): "I'm glad I came!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Your Host At Overheard Lines, To Readers

"Happy thanksgiving! Back on Monday the 28th."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Who's ... Well, You Know

"This afternoon I was dumb as a rock. Now I'm smart as a tack. ... Damn it! Sharp as a tack!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

US Girl Adjusting TV In Vancouver BC

"What's 'Volume 21' in U.S. volume?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Pocketing Tons Of Free Candies At A Restaurant, Only To Find Out They're Licorice-Flavored

"Oh well, I'll just give them away on the plane to children I don't like."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl With High-Pitched Voice To NYC Co-Worker (Presumably With Gravelly Voice)

“Ha ha ha. Yeah I know, I kind of wish I still smoked because I really liked smoking with you.”

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN

Elderly Man Describing New Toy To Half-Interested Waitress

"I got myself one of them three-wheelers. It sits there on the ground, has two big wheels and then another one."

OVERHEARD BY SCOTT

Teen Learning About The World At The National Zoo In Washington DC

"Ewww, I've seen these before. They had to eat these on Fear Factor!"

OVERHEARD BY ROD

Woman Who Won't Make The Zagat's Guide

"Oklahomans love Oklahoma. But every time I've been through there, it's a shithole to me."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cell Phone Girl On MUNI To Boyfriend Who Must Have Had A Glimmer

"If you think I'm a bitch because of that then you just wait, because you have no idea."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Life At "Overheard Lines" Headquarters

Girl: "What's your overheard line for the day?"
Me: "I don't have one. Wanna say something funny?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

The Algonquin Roundtable? No, An L.A. Boutique!

Girl 1: "It's all, like, what did you say before? Medical Physical or whatever --"
Girl 2: "Metaphysical."
Girl 1: "Yeah..."
Girl 2: "Hahaha, medical physical..."
Girl 1: "Shut up!"

OVERHEARD BY LOUISE

Guy Making Me Doubt My Grandma's Wisdom

Girl: "You know how they say when your nose itches someone's coming?"
Guy: (Blank stare) "You mean sexually?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Exhausted Guy In Hospital Waiting Room

"I wonder why they have a chapel but they don't have a bar."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who's Not A Doctor, But Plays One On The Road

"Cell phones don't cause cancer; they just create idiot drivers."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Analyzing Girl's Breasts

"Wow! One of them's the size of a watermelon, and one of them's big!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

The Fun Thing About Halloween Parties

PARTY ONE:
Guy: "Is Robert Smith British?"
Girl: "I don't know. Let's ask the spider; she'd know."

PARTY TWO:
Girl: "Aww, look at the cute little kitty picking her nose."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Hot Girl At Halloween Party Who's Going As A Lesbian Next Year

"OW!!! These fucking shoes!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Who Probably Owns The DVD Of Pretty Woman

"How do you know they're hookers? They're not wearing boas."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Drunk At Party Proposing Philosophical Paradox

"If smoking hash makes you gay, then I'm gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. But I'm not gay."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Amazed Woman At Noe Valley Street Festival

"Wow, I've been here ten minutes and I haven't been asked to sign a petition yet!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On...Hmm, I'm Thinking Kentucky

"Every time I go there, I get laid, get beat up or go to jail."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Midwestern Preteen Noticing Group Of Camping Lesbians

"Mom, what do think they are? Some sort of ladies' softball team?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Waitress In The Mission Sums Up The San Francisco Culture War

"It's in the Marina, so cool people have never heard of it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Exiting Grocery Store And Entering Life Crisis

"I just found out it's not a chain; it's privately owned. Now I feel bad about shoplifting. I'm not sticking it to the Man; I'm sticking it to a man."

OVERHEARD BY TIM