Two Friends Discussing Horniness For Women

Girl: "I wish random sluts would just fall out of the sky."
Guy: "I'm trying to pick some up online, but it's not working out too well. Most sluts hang out at bars, not on their computers."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Why, Yes, There Was Drinking Involved

Girl 1: "Take me to my car!"
Girl 2: "You are in your car."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Guy Proving Zero Minus Zero Equals Zero

"It's worse than nothing. It's nothing at all!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy From Last Post Explaining Himself

"I'm sorry. I've been at Hooters too long."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On MUNI Empathizing With Friend

"Take a damn laxative and blow yourself loose!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Should Get A New Roommate If He Makes It Past Tuesday

"My roommate's really bad about giving me messages. He's like, 'Oh, your doctor called three days ago. He said you only have four days to live.'"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Discovering Quirk In Physics Among LA Restaurants

"Toast is the new Griddle, but the Griddle is still the Griddle."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Man Who Disagrees With Just About Everyone

"That 'Two and a Half Men' show is hilarious! Charlie Sheen is a great sitcom actor. He's got perfect comic timing."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Special Valentine's Edition: Overheard On Christmas

Drunk Woman In Norfolk VA: "I hate Christmas! I'm ugly! Somebody buy me a drink!"

OVERHEARD BY MIKE THE KNIFE

Girl To Whom The Only Response Is "With Your Goddamn Tiara"

"Where's your fucking boa?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Cell Phone-Talking Company Owner Who Just Doesn't Get It

"I'll start being nice when morale improves around there. Until then, the beatings will continue."

OVERHEARD BY SCOTT

Americans And Brits Coming Together

Girl: "People with accents are more interesting."
Guy: "Yeah, Amercians think that. But people in England are..."
Girl" "Mean?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Same Guy, Half An Hour Later, Still Impressed By Swiss Food Products

"Who knew there were so many different ways to eat cheese?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Just Got Back From Switzerland

"It was nothing but cheese and chocolates."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Old Lady Obviously Glad To Be Dropping Her Friend Off

Old Lady 1: "Got everything?"
Old Lady 2: "Yep. Got all my hopes and all my fears."
Old Lady 1: "Well, that's everything."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Curses, This Dude's Plans Are Foiled Again

Dude: "Lemme ask you: what's your actual instinct on this? You see someone walking down the street, minding his own business, just happens to be burning a stick of incense. Do you think he's trying to cover something up?"
Man: "Yeah."
Dude: "Damn."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Cala, On The Already Ridiculous

Guy: "Did you know Mariah Carey has more #1 songs than Elvis and the Beatles?"
Girl: "Combined?"
Guy: "...That'd be ridiculous."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Must've Been A Philosophy Class

Professor: "So just don't ask stupid questions.... But there are no stupid questions in this class."

OVERHEARD BY LISA

Guy At Farmer's Market Still Waiting For The Punchline

Guy: "If it gets any colder out here, I could qualify for the Olympic Ski Team. Or the Polar Bear Club."
Girl: "I'm a member of the Polar Bear Club."
Guy: "Heh heh."
Girl: "I really am."
Guy: "Heh heh."
Girl: "Really. I am."
Guy: "Heh heh."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man In Restaurant Eating (I Hope It Was) Tuna

"If I had to become a cannibal, I'd start with the cheek."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Post-Dot-Com-Bubble College Kids On MUNI

Girl: "If you work at Genentech, they're so hooked up: they have a bus that picks you up at BART."
Guy: "Do they have stock options?"
Girl: "...They have parties every Friday."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Eating French Fries Cooked In Peanut Oil

"I feel sorry for people with peanut allergies, because a life without peanut products is a life I wouldn't care to live."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Guy Watching Six High School Girls Dancing In Unison

Guy: "What are you guys?"
Girl: "We're just friends who dance really well."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Refreshingly Honest Girl

Girl 1: "Those are really cute pants."
Girl 2: "Yeah, the problem is that when I bend over, my stomach pops over the waistline."
Girl 1: "Is it because they're low-rise?"
Girl 2: "No, it's because I'm fat."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl With Eye Patch, Doing A Little Reassessing

"I need a hook hand or something piratey so I don't just look like a girl in a weird outfit who poked her eye out last week."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Waiting For Bus In Castro, Watching Jogger Jiggling By

"God, I love Spandex. So vulgar yet so necessary."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Friendly Guy In North Beach To Foreign Tourist

"Don't trust us Westerners. We'll cavort with your women."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Bar Channeling L. Ron Hubbard

"The first seven years of life are a reaction. Everything else is a reaction to a reaction to a reaction."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Self-Aware Blonde In Univ. Of Chicago Library At 1 AM

"Usually, the best estimate for me is when I can't feel my teeth anymore."

OVERHEARD BY ASHLEY

Girl Having Difficulty With Car Door, To Guy Also In Car

Girl: "I have a college degree, I swear."
Guy: "You obviously didn't major in Door."

OVERHEARD BY AMY

Gangsta English Lit Majors

Guy 1: "I hate short chapters. It's a fucking cop out."
Guy 2: "Anna Karenina is written in short chapters."
Guy 1: "Fuck Tolstoy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy In Bar Who's Never Watched CSI

"That guy's got no style. That's the worst crime I can think of."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Smooth-Talking Rich Guy To Berkeley Woman Holding Fistful Of Cash

"Bitch, I ain't broke, I got property!"

OVERHEARD BY CAROLINE

Couple Demonstrating Why Generation X Hasn't Taken Over The World

Guy: "You know what would be a bad job?"
Girl: "Mmm, most of them?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Customer In LA Restaurant (Insert Your Own Joke About The Population Of China)

"I don't want any white rice. It makes me horny."

OVERHEARD BY POLLY

Dumb Guy Impressed By Anyone Smarter Than Him

Guy: "Man, I'm gonna take that dude to Vegas and we're gonna work out a system and we're gonna make a million bucks!"
Girl" "He's only ten!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Pretty Funny Considering It Was An 87-Year-Old Grandmother

"I want to know who took a bite out of that Apple. Was it Bill Gates?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Convincing Friend To Go To China

"We can eat rice and whatever doesn't look like a monkey head."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Women Petting Dog, Commenting On Its Fur

Aunt: "It almost feels like human hair!"
Cousin: "I know! How did they get it on the dog?"

OVERHEARD BY CHERYL

Motto For The New Year (If You're A Troubled Teen From The Wrong Side Of The Tracks)

"This is how we roll in the o-six."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman Talking To Herself While Fueling At A Citgo Station

"Gas smells."

OVERHEARD BY AMERICAN GEISHA

Woman Talking To Herself While Reading Menu

"$9.95 comes with coffee or tea and your choice of Bloody Mary -- ooo, in the morning? Really?"

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Teen Who Must Really Hate Barry Bonds

"I hate Hilary Duff. She's so skinny, she must be on steroids."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girls Watching Newscaster Invoke The Spirit Of K. K. Kringle

Girl 1: "Did he just say 'Aryan children need your help this holiday season'?"
Girl 2: "No, he said area children."
Girl 1: "Oh. Thank God."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Witty Noel Coward Banter At Christmas Dinner

Woman: "Why don't you open that wine and let it breathe?"
Man: "If it's not breathing, should I give it mouth-to-mouth?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM