'Because I'm Pretty Sure Either One Is Possible'

Guy: "I stopped at the Gay Pride Festival and bought a sausage."
Girl: "Literally or figuratively?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard On The T Train

Boy 1: "This is the Church Street stop. Do you want to go to the Church Street stop? Hey, do you want to go to the Church?"
Boy 2: "Wanna go to the Church? Are you trying to hit on her?"
Boy 1: "No! If I were hitting on her I would ask if she wanted to get off at Orgasm Street."

OVERHEARD BY CHANTAE

Overheard In A Movie Theater After The First Lord Of The Rings Movie

Girl 1: "There's gonna be a sequel, right?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, it's a trilogy; there's six of them."

OVERHEARD BY MOLLY

Step One: Stop Ingesting Them First....

Guy Smoking A Cigarette While Drinking A Beer: "You should go jump in the pool if you're so hot!"
Girl Smoking A Cigarette While Drinking A Beer: "I can't. I need to sweat all of the toxins out of my system!!!"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

And You Can Almost Hear All The Sarcastic Options Running Through His Head

Boss: "Hey, Mark!"
Mark: "Yeah?!"
Boss: "Are you still here?"

OVERHEARD BY MEGAN

American Guy Apparently On His Way To Meet An Irish Stereotype

Guy: "She's Irish, so I really hope at some point she says, 'Shut yer piehole!'"
Girl: "I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that would violate the Piehole Code."
Guy: "First rule of piehole: There is no Piehole Code."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard Lines: The One-Act Play

Guy: "Your cottage at the lake sounds like a good time. Does it have air conditioning?"
Girl: "Uh, no, it doesn't even have a shower!"
Guy: "So, all those times you asked me to go up there, and you never mentioned that it didn't have a shower or AC?"
Girl: "Yeah, we're like the Beverly Hillbillies of the lake."
Guy: "Where do you shower then?"
Girl: "We don't. Or if we do, we do it in the lake."
Guy: "You shower IN the lake?!?"
Girl: "Yeah, do you know how embarrassing it is to stick a loofa between your legs in front of your uncle?"
Guy: "Can't say that I do..."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Overheard On The 43 MUNI Bus As It Careened Around A Corner

"Is Sandra Bullock at the wheel or what?"

OVERHEARD BY ANGELA

It's 'Jaws' Meets 'Cinnabon' At A Highway Rest Stop

Out-Of-Breath Cinnabon Manager To Employees After Running In From Outside: "Three buses. All kids. We're gonna need more buns."

OVERHEARD BY JAMES

Mother To Child Running Through Museum

"Don't run away with your imagination!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Two Reluctant Dieters Choosing Between Chef's Salad And Salad Bar

"The problem with the Chef's Salad is that it's so finite."

OVERHEARD BY CLAIRE

The Problem With Being Both Hard Of Hearing And Dirty Of Mind

Man: "Aha! I finally found the seam in the plastic!"
Woman: "Semen plastic??? I don't want any of that cheese!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER