Tricky Guy Outside Castro MUNI Station

Guy 1: "Look over there!"
Guy 2: "What?"
Guy 1: "Nothing. I was just trying to shut you up."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man With A Plan. (Not A Good One, But A Plan.)

"If I were to eat a stick of butter, I'd roll it in salt."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Truth In Advertising

Guy: "You're such a slut."
Girl: "That's what my tattoo says!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man With Simple Dreams

"I always wanted to be in the little pokey-outy thing on top of a caboose."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy In Suit Talking On Cell

"He made out with a hooker?!? No one makes out with a hooker! What was he thinking?!"

OVERHEARD BY J

Girl In Bar With Ice Cold Shiner Bock And Apparent Alcoholic Tendencies

"Mmmm, it's like a great big glass of happy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

New XM Fans

Girl: "It's weird, when you listen to satellite radio, you realize how many different bands there are. When you listen to regular radio, it seems like there are only about seven bands."
Guy: "And three of them are Coldplay."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Hopefully Not In The Biblical Sense

Cellphone Woman: "Hello? Yeah, I'm at Target. I'm with the shampoos."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Short Play

Girl: "Well, as I was writing this massive document, I kept thinking about that thing about how you eat an elephant..."
Guy: "How?"
Girl: "One bite at a time."
Guy: "Ahhhh. You know how you bury a giraffe?"
Girl: "No, how?"
Guy: "You cut it up with a chainsaw."
Girl: " ---"
Guy: "I saw pictures from the zoo when they had to cut one up."
Girl: "They took pictures!?!?"
Guy: "Yeah, I'm not sure why."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Self-Aware Homeless Dude Near Main Library

"Do I smell bad? I do. I smell kinda...rotten."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

They Are, As A Matter Of Fact

Girl At Brunch: "Are your parents from...anywhere?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy To Other Guy Playing Air Drums At A Bar

"There's probably a good market for air drumming. All those air guitarists need someone to accompany them."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who Wants It All

Guy: "What do you wanna do when you come to Miami?"
Girl" "I want the whole experience. I want the Vice and the Sound Machine."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Low Willpower Guy

Man: "I'm trying to lose weight, so I've been walking at the mall."
Woman: "How's it going?"
Man: "So far I got four shirts and a pair of shoes.

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Disheveled Guy In Coffee Shop

"...I woke up wearing Lena's bathrobe and I knew something must have happened."

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Horrified Hipster To Her Walking Partner

"Did you make eye contact with a man pissing in an alley?!"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

The Answer Is Yes

Girl In Sleeping Bag Outside Music Club, To Stranger Walking By: "Yeah, okay, we're waiting for a Hanson concert. Wanna make fun of us now?"

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Glass-Half-Full Girl With Not-Going-To-Grad-School Guy

Guy: "I got a letter from the grad school I applied to. I haven't opened it. But it's real thin."
Girl: "Maybe it just says, 'Dear Sir, You're in.'"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

If These Guys Are The Best He Can Do, Maybe There Is No God

Kid 1: "If there is a God, I bet she's a woman."
Kid 2: "Why?"
Kid 1: "Well, doesn't it just seem like it would make more sense, rationally?"
Kid 2: "No. God's probably not a man or a woman. He's probably another species. Or an entity."
Kid 1: "Well, I'm just saying, if God had a gender, I bet she would be a girl."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girls In SF Gym

Exercising Girl 1: "You already told me that--like yesterday."
Exercising Girl 2: "Oh, yeah. Sorry, my repertoire isn't that big. I'm not like one of those shows like Friends where they think of funny things to say every episode."

OVERHEARD BY KIRK

Guy On MUNI Who's What, Then, A Psychic?

Guy 1: "So you're saying the moon is going to shrink to the size of a ping pong ball?"
Guy 2: "Yeah, but I'm not a scientist, so I can't tell you how it's going to happen."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Thinking Of...Someone

Guy 1: "St. Nicholas. Isn't he the evil one?"
Guy 2: "No, St. Nick is Santa Claus."
Guy 1: "Oh, I must be thinking of John the Baptist."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Olfactorily Gifted Girl On MUNI

"I don't like her. She smells like the bottom of someone's purse."

OVERHEARD BY MK

13-Year-Old Harry Potter Look-Alike, To Ron Weasley Look-Alike

Kid 1: "It was weird. It was a picture of two gay guys having sex."
Kid 2: "You've lived in San Francisco for thirteen years. You should be used to that."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Special Valentine's Message From A Savvy Server

"Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day: the nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Middle-Aged Cell Phone Guy (And Pimp) In Coffee Shop

"David dreamed we were all at the beach and you asked me to sleep with you, and I thought about it and asked everyone's advice and decided that I probably shouldn't . . . Oh, you think if you asked me in real life I'd say no? . . . Okay, well how about I call your bluff and say yes, I will sleep with you . . . When should we meet?"

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

Guy On The Problem With '24'

"The old Jack would've killed him. The old Jack would've killed him and then shot his dad for looking at him that way. The new Jack's a pussy."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girls In Next Dressing Room

(And it's because babies don't have boobs):

"My boobs don't fit in the baby-doll part."


Same girls, different shirt (and again with the boobs):

Girl 1: "I don't know about this shirt."
Girl 2: "Yeah, it's like your boobs are up touching your chin."


OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl On Haight, After Silently Mulling Something For A Long Time, Turns To Her Guy Friend

"Wait, did you just say that sometimes you wish you were a woman?"

OVERHEARD BY GREG

Woman At San Jose Sharks Hockey Game

"Shoot it! SHOOT IT! WILL YOU JUST FUCKING SHOOT IT???!!!!! ...... Thank you. Nice try."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Is She Complaining, Or Bragging About Her Summer Home In Wisconsin?

"We have a lot of cheese at our house. A LOT of cheese."

OVERHEARD BY MK

8-year-Old Hippie Who Clearly Goes To School In San Francisco

"I think we all just need to respect our differences here!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Kids Say The Most Uncomfortable Things

Kid 1: "This was the thing that made your penis hurt."
Kid 2: "That was when I was littler."

(FYI: It was a metal banister they were sliding down.)

OVERHEARD BY DIANA

Country Singer, To The Three People In The Bar Actually Paying Attention

"Thanks for the pulse-having, song-asking and tip-giving."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy At Airport, Re: Insane Child Running Around And Acting Up

"I'm gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Lawyers Reminiscing

"Do you remember that one case with the girl who had the botched breast reduction? She said they grew back."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Malapropism Of The Day

"I used a little reverse psychosis on him."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Girl Who Did Not Have A Holly, Jolly Christmas

Guy: "How were your holidays?"
Girl: "They were good. They were weird, but they were fine. And now they're over."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Said In Hell's Kitchen By Young (Read 'Pretentious') Aspiring Actress

"I realized I was treating our relationship the same way I treated my performance in a show..."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

How Nicknames Are Bestowed

Guy: "Who's he? Is that Surly Chef?"
Girl: "Nah, there's already a Surly Chef. He can be Dickish Chef."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

A Civilized And Philosophical Break Up

Girl: "If I get fat, it's your fault for breaking up with me."
Guy: "So if you get depressed and can't eat and get skinny, do I get credit?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Unbelievable, Indeed

Guy 1: "Can you believe my dad got my mom a Porsche for Christmas?"
Guy 2: "That's unbelievable. I thought you were Jewish."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

MUNI's "Officer Malaprop" Working The 38 Geary Bus

"You're not from around here, are you? People around here are more laxative."

OVERHEARD BY DAWN

Woman Drinking Rum Daquiri, Or Perhaps Bain De Soleil

"That totally tastes like suntan lotion to me. But in a good way."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

It Isn't Just Great Minds That Think Alike

"We're on the same page, but it's in the trash can."

OVERHEARD BY MK