Girl Explaining Why She Doesn't Like To Exercise

"It's just that I'm the sedimentary type."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICK

'The Classic Conundrum: Which Came First, The TV Or The Air Hockey Table?'

Guy: "And that's when the puck hit the TV."
Girl: "They shouldn't have put the TV so close to the air hockey table."
Guy: "The TV was already there."
Girl: "In that case, they shouldn't have put the air hockey table so close to the TV."
Guy: "The table was already there."
Girl: "..."


OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy Covering All The Bases With Prospective Date

“I’m not religious--I’m spiritual. I guess I’m a Christian, but Jesus wasn’t one.”

OVERHEARD BY ROD

'And This Will Probably Be True For The Next Few Christmases'

Customer: "What are you doing this Christmas?"
Clerk: "Well, it's been five years and Dad's still dead so.....you know."

OVERHEARD BY KERRI

Overheard Lines Is Closed For The Holidays; Back On Dec 29

"Don't be one of those people who says, 'Oh, man, I heard something great at my cousin's cookie swap; I wish I'd written it down.' Stop your holiday enjoyment and scribble down your overheard lines -- then submit when you're back on company time! A holiday message from your OL host. Have a good one!"

SAID BY TIM

Comedy Aficionado At Target

"How are communist leader Russian nesting dolls not funny?"

OVERHEARD BY EM

Overheard While Waiting For A Bus

Girl: "I have to learn how to play poker so I can get a poker face."

OVERHEARD BY SARA

Teens In 'Issues In Society' Class With Issues Of Their Own

Teen 1: "What's that thing when you're sitting behind blinds at a pond, and you shoot ducks, and the dog goes to get them?"
Teen 2: "Um, duck hunting?"
Teen 1: "No, that's not it..."

OVERHEARD BY KIERSTIN

The Castro, It Is A-Changin'

Guy: "This used to be all gay stuff, but now it’s just all yuppie stuff..."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Sounds Like She's A Carrie'

Guy 1: "Hey, thanks for playing wingman the other night. Too bad she had so many issues."
Guy 2: "Yeah, when I heard her mention the ex-boyfriend for the third time, I knew it was trouble. I've seen enough Sex in the City to know where that road leads."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Overheard In The Dressing Room

Girl 1: "That would make a good homecoming dress."
Girl 2: "I don't know, it looks like a pregnant girl dress."
Girl 1: "Well, if you wear it right, it could be both!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Explaining Why Her Daughter's Girl Scout Troupe Sucks

"No snacks, no crafts, just a bitch lecturing first graders."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'I Always Thought Confident Girls Were Whores'

Girl: "They haven't done it yet! I think she's frigid."
Friend: "Really? She seems well-confident to me."
Girl: "Oh, you can be well-confident and frigid."
Friend: "Oh...I didn't know that."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

'Problem Is, Geeks Would Find An Alternate Use'

Woman: "I love my iPhone. The only thing that's missing is a hole for me to stick my tongue in and make out with it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Who Will Soon Be Moving To Another Town

Daughter: "I think writing checks is complicated. You write one, and then you have two days to make sure you have the money to cover it. It's a pain in the ass!"
Mom: "That's not how checks are supposed to work."
Daughter: "But on the other hand, if it bounces, you can still keep the stuff. Just don't go back to that store."
Mom: "Umm...yeah, that's not how checks work...."

OVERHEARD BY ERINMARIE

Master Of Seduction In A UK Pub

Bloke: 'I'm going to go home now, jump on my old woman and give her one.'
Mate: 'I hope she'll get a bit of foreplay.'
Bloke: 'What? At this time of night?'

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Good Name. Bad Names.'

Woman: "Dust and Glitter. That's a great name."
Man: "For what?"
Woman: "It's a store."
Man: "Ah, okay. Good name for a store. Not good for twins."
Woman: "Poor Dust. 'Mom always liked you better, Glitter.'"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Lines Is Off For Thanksgiving Week

"Back on Monday the 1st. Please take pencil and paper to any holiday events you attend -- and send your overheard lines our way."

SAID BY TIM

'Either One Explains Nicole Ritchie'

Woman: "Sorry, she's autistic."
Man: "Oh...So she doesn't eat?"
Woman: "It's like in her brain.... But no, she doesn't eat."

OVERHEARD BY DEE

Plus Size Girl Who Must Think She Has Video Chat On Her Cellphone

"No, don't say anything, because you know these jeans look good on me."

OVERHEARD BY JERE

Guy Who Knows His Statutes Of Limitations

"Dude! I just turned 21. It's so cool to be drinking with you in a bar. Legally. Not like in New York."

OVERHEARD BY JONATHAN

'Y On N! N On Y!'

Teen Girl: "No on Measure R!"
Teen Boy: "No, we're yes on R!"
Teen Girl: "Ohhh, well Yes on R!"

OVERHEARD BY BEN

8-Year-Old At Obama Victory Party

"Yay, daddy! Now we don't have to move to Canada!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Explaining Why He Had A Great Time In Bangkok's Discos

"Thai people can't dance, but they sure can bounce and jump."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard On Halloween: Girl Watching 'Jeepers Creepers'

"I find it hard to believe a demon would get vanity plates."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Flirting With/Attacking/Fantasizing With/Harassing Wal-Mart Greeter

Guy: "I wish I had some big ol' titties so I could whack you in the face with 'em."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Why You Must Vote On November 4th

Teen: "Her parents won't let her eat at McDonald's. No McDonald's, no Burger King, no Harvey's... No McDonald's! It's so sad. So, so sad."

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

Really Really Cheap Little Boy At The Really Really Free Market

Little Boy: (Grabbing used vacuum cleaner and dragging it away) "Okay guys, I got my mom her mother's day present!"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

Guy About To Spend Quite A Long Time In Wal-Mart

"I'm hungry for some shrimp...Wait, no...Yeah, but something else."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Wise-Beyond-Her-Years Girl

"I'm not doing tequila shots. I'm not a slut on spring break."

OVERHEARD BY KATE

Overheard Outside Target

"I just spent $87 on vitamins. Well, it wasn't ALL vitamins. I also bought a toothbrush."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'I'm Really Into That Whole Watchamacallit Stuff. You Know. That TV Stuff. With The Old Guys. Politics!'

College Girl On Cellphone: "Yeah, I was listening to. Um. That guy. You know..... McCain."

OVERHEARD BY STEPHANIE

'I Think You're Confusing A Blowjob With A Blowjob'

Tween 1: "I've never had alcohol."
Tween 2: "I have."
Tween 1: "That's 'cause you're a slut."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On The F Train In Lower Manhattan

"Yeah it’s the same way I can tell you’re a hipster, I can tell he's anti-Semitic.”

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN

Woman With Big Plans For The Weekend

"I was thinking I would drill my tail hole before I paint it."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

'T-Shirts? Slurpees? Or, Er, Um...?'

Overheard in Wal-Mart parking lot:

Woman 1: "You know I like 'em large."
Woman 2: "Yeah, I know."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

And The Moral Is: Toothless People Like Movies?

A couple rents 24 movies at a rental store and is awarded bonus treats. Teen daughter goes to the ice cream cooler.

Teen: "Mom, do you want the sundae cone or that one with nuts?"
Mom: "I can't have them, I ain't got any teeth!
Teen: ...
Mom: "I'm getting my teeth for my birthday!"
Dad: "I've been waiting 20 years to get my two front teeth back, and here she goes to the dentist today and is getting a whole mouthful for her birthday."

OVERHEARD BY ALI

Two Nurses In A Hospital Elevator, Looking At Pieces Of Paper

"See? I told you there was no difference between night and day."

OVERHEARD BY SMONET

The King Of Wise Decisions

Guy: "I'm thinking of doing heroin, but just once. Do you think that's cool?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Couple Discussing Friend's Vacation Plans

Guy: "Wouldn't it be funny if she was actually selling her baby down in Mexico, and she ended up on 48 Hours Mystery, and we could say we knew her when?"
Girl: "I don't think you understand comedy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Businessmen Leveraging Their Core Values (i.e. Drinking In A Bar)

Man 1: "I hate the word 'monetize.'"
Man 2: "What does it even mean?"
Man 1: "It means.... Maybe that's why I hate it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Abbott And Costello Reincarnated And Reading A Textbook In A Café

Kid 1: "This doesn't make any sense."
Kid 2: "What is it?"
Kid 1: "I don't know."
Kid 2: "Then how do you know it doesn't make sense?"
Kid 1: "That's what I'm saying."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Future Politician At High School Football Game

Kid 1: "Hey, you have a dollar?"
Kid 2: "Yeah."
Kid 3: "Can I give you thirty cents for that dollar?"

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

The Problem With Shopping At An Art Fair

Girl: "I want a colorful T-shirt with my views and beliefs on it!"

OVERHEARD BY GAGE

Facetious Guy Watching Sarah Palin Being Cheered By Delegates

"She can't even control the crowd. How can she stand up to Putin?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM