Woman Describing What She Saw To A Cop

"I don't think he knew the guy; I think he was just some unanimous guy."

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Overheard At Baja Burrito In Nashville

Customer: "What kind of fish is in the fish tacos?"
Worker: "Fried."

OVERHEARD BY JANA

One Pub Regular Chatting To Another

"When you have to go to work, do you phone the pub to say you can't come in?"

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Plus I'm Goddamn Classy'

Woman On MUNI: "Then why were you in the penitentiary? I was never in the penitentiary. Because I got motherfucking character."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Six-Year-Old Watching Cat Groom Itself

"He's in love with his butt. He keeps kissing it!"

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

She Would Make A Bad Vampire

Girl: "Ew! Ew! His veins were in my mouth!"
Guy: "Well, maybe you shouldn't have bit him."

OVERHEARD BY KIMBERLY

Woman Watching CNN News Crawl

"'Thirty-eight dead after being bitten by vampire bats.' ...Hmm. I guess they won't be dead for long."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'And I Think You'd Find Plenty Of Men Who'd Agree'

Woman: "You have no idea how satisfying it is to drill a really good hole."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Savvy Dieters In Grocery Store

"Let's get the carrot cake, instead, since it's healthy."

OVERHEARD BY SUSANNAH

'Well, It Is An Election Year'

Cellphone Guy: “Geez, you can tell you’re downtown by all the panhandlers. Are they trying to turn me into a Republican, or what?”

OVERHEARD BY SUSAN

7-Year-Old Boy Watching Extreme Home Makeover TV Show

“I wish we could get a sick baby so I could have a bowling alley in MY house!”

OVERHEARD BY JENNY

Woman (Slightly) Overestimating

"Wow, that's a really large couple. That's like 600 pounds of lovin'."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

NOT Overheard At Chico's

"Maybe this is what strippers wear..."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Take Your Daughter To Work And Watch Her Leave Day

Daughter: "I'm going over to the library across the street so I can send you a message on facebook."
Mom: "Why don't you just send me a facebook message from the computer that you're sitting at right now?"
Daughter: "I can't send you a message from here. I'm sitting in the room right next to you!"
Mom: "So why don't you just TALK to me?"
Daughter: "Because I want to message you! I'm going to the library."

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

'And I Can Program It To Wake Me Up For Work. If I Had A Job.'

"You know what's neat about our coffee pot? It could go camping. I mean, if we ever went."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Starbucks Baristas Are Trained To Be Upbeat And Friendly

Barista: "So what are you doing today?"
Woman: "Going to a funeral."
Barista: "Oh, that should be fun!"

OVERHEARD BY JULIE

Two Blokes Discussing 'Soccer' In A Lincoln, UK, Pub

Bloke 1: "I hear England's new coach is going to bar wives and girlfriends from the hotel before matches."
Bloke 2: "So, they'll be even bigger wankers than they are now."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Mmm, Girl, I See It Right There On Your Hips, Heyyyy"

Woman: "I wonder if I have as much chocolate on me as I think I have."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy On The Brink Of A Realization

"Whenever I go in a room, all you ladies go out."

OVERHEARD BY BONNIE

Why IT Guys Hate Everyone Else In The World

User: "Every time I type something it comes out in all capital letters. Do you have a manual for the keyboard?"
IT Guy: "Have you tried the CAPS LOCK key?"

OVERHEARD BY ADRIAN

Guy Discussing His Vacation Plans

"I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy."

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

Overheard Lines Is On A Four-Day Holiday

"Back on Tuesday the 8th. Have an independent weekend."

SAID BY TIM

Probably Not The Girl In The Last Post

"I got a dress with a higher neckline and when I got the pictures back I looked like a 40 year old soccer mom! My mom said she liked it and all my other dresses look a little slutty. But I don't care if my tits fall in the salad, I'm not wearing that soccer mom dress again!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

'Depends What The Meaning Of "Big" Is'

"No, the 32 double-A is just too big."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

After A Near-Fatality When A Child Fell Into A Hole Dug By Geologists

"Well, if those gynecologists hadn't left that hole uncovered...."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

'Because I'm Pretty Sure Either One Is Possible'

Guy: "I stopped at the Gay Pride Festival and bought a sausage."
Girl: "Literally or figuratively?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard On The T Train

Boy 1: "This is the Church Street stop. Do you want to go to the Church Street stop? Hey, do you want to go to the Church?"
Boy 2: "Wanna go to the Church? Are you trying to hit on her?"
Boy 1: "No! If I were hitting on her I would ask if she wanted to get off at Orgasm Street."

OVERHEARD BY CHANTAE

Overheard In A Movie Theater After The First Lord Of The Rings Movie

Girl 1: "There's gonna be a sequel, right?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, it's a trilogy; there's six of them."

OVERHEARD BY MOLLY

Step One: Stop Ingesting Them First....

Guy Smoking A Cigarette While Drinking A Beer: "You should go jump in the pool if you're so hot!"
Girl Smoking A Cigarette While Drinking A Beer: "I can't. I need to sweat all of the toxins out of my system!!!"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

And You Can Almost Hear All The Sarcastic Options Running Through His Head

Boss: "Hey, Mark!"
Mark: "Yeah?!"
Boss: "Are you still here?"

OVERHEARD BY MEGAN

American Guy Apparently On His Way To Meet An Irish Stereotype

Guy: "She's Irish, so I really hope at some point she says, 'Shut yer piehole!'"
Girl: "I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that would violate the Piehole Code."
Guy: "First rule of piehole: There is no Piehole Code."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard Lines: The One-Act Play

Guy: "Your cottage at the lake sounds like a good time. Does it have air conditioning?"
Girl: "Uh, no, it doesn't even have a shower!"
Guy: "So, all those times you asked me to go up there, and you never mentioned that it didn't have a shower or AC?"
Girl: "Yeah, we're like the Beverly Hillbillies of the lake."
Guy: "Where do you shower then?"
Girl: "We don't. Or if we do, we do it in the lake."
Guy: "You shower IN the lake?!?"
Girl: "Yeah, do you know how embarrassing it is to stick a loofa between your legs in front of your uncle?"
Guy: "Can't say that I do..."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Overheard On The 43 MUNI Bus As It Careened Around A Corner

"Is Sandra Bullock at the wheel or what?"

OVERHEARD BY ANGELA

It's 'Jaws' Meets 'Cinnabon' At A Highway Rest Stop

Out-Of-Breath Cinnabon Manager To Employees After Running In From Outside: "Three buses. All kids. We're gonna need more buns."

OVERHEARD BY JAMES

Mother To Child Running Through Museum

"Don't run away with your imagination!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Two Reluctant Dieters Choosing Between Chef's Salad And Salad Bar

"The problem with the Chef's Salad is that it's so finite."

OVERHEARD BY CLAIRE

The Problem With Being Both Hard Of Hearing And Dirty Of Mind

Man: "Aha! I finally found the seam in the plastic!"
Woman: "Semen plastic??? I don't want any of that cheese!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Brother And Sister Talking About, Um....

Boy: "See, it's gonna be about this tall [holds up hands for description], and this big [pinches fingers together]."
Girl: "Mhmm."
Boy: "Yeah, it's gonna be just like this french fry. Gonna be this tall [holds up hands again] and this big [holds up french fry]."
Girl: "Yep."
*silence*
Girl: "Actually, I have no idea what you're talking about anymore."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy Making Theatre Geek Insult About Hefty Innkeeper In Ashland,OR

"Didn't you want to ask that guy if he ever played Falstaff, except that that would be rude?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard At Denny's At 3 AM

"I could be wrong, but there may or may not be a live turkey in here..."

OVERHEARD BY SHAHALA

Guess He's Not A Movie Buff

Lady Waiting For J Train: "Hey, you ever seen 'Pulp Fiction'?"
Dog: [silence, sits down on sidewalk]

OVERHEARD BY LIAM

Girl Planning For Her Future

Girl 1: "You can eat anything in prison."
Girl 2: "Naw, they just give you bread and water."
Girl 2: "Not in Celebrity Prison."
Girl 1: "You're not a celebrity."
Girl 2: "Yes, I am."
Girl 1: "I never heard of you."
Girl 2: "Not yet."

OVERHEARD BY KIMBERLY

Lady At Children's Play Place Holding Teething Infant

"That was a really long drawn out story, with lots of drooling and biting involved."

OVERHEARD BY APRIL

'Wrong' Is A Four-Letter Word

Girl: "What's your locker combo? Isn't it 'cheese'?"
Guy 1: "It needs to be five letters..."
Guy 2: "Cheese is a five-letter word."

OVERHEARD BY TOBYLURIO

Kid Who Needs To Work On His Poker Face

Kid: "Who would throw chess pieces out a window?!?"
Teacher: "You!"
Kid: "Heh heh...Yeah..."

OVERHEARD BY TOBYLURIO