Master Of Seduction In A UK Pub

Bloke: 'I'm going to go home now, jump on my old woman and give her one.'
Mate: 'I hope she'll get a bit of foreplay.'
Bloke: 'What? At this time of night?'

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Good Name. Bad Names.'

Woman: "Dust and Glitter. That's a great name."
Man: "For what?"
Woman: "It's a store."
Man: "Ah, okay. Good name for a store. Not good for twins."
Woman: "Poor Dust. 'Mom always liked you better, Glitter.'"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard Lines Is Off For Thanksgiving Week

"Back on Monday the 1st. Please take pencil and paper to any holiday events you attend -- and send your overheard lines our way."

SAID BY TIM

'Either One Explains Nicole Ritchie'

Woman: "Sorry, she's autistic."
Man: "Oh...So she doesn't eat?"
Woman: "It's like in her brain.... But no, she doesn't eat."

OVERHEARD BY DEE

Plus Size Girl Who Must Think She Has Video Chat On Her Cellphone

"No, don't say anything, because you know these jeans look good on me."

OVERHEARD BY JERE

Guy Who Knows His Statutes Of Limitations

"Dude! I just turned 21. It's so cool to be drinking with you in a bar. Legally. Not like in New York."

OVERHEARD BY JONATHAN

'Y On N! N On Y!'

Teen Girl: "No on Measure R!"
Teen Boy: "No, we're yes on R!"
Teen Girl: "Ohhh, well Yes on R!"

OVERHEARD BY BEN

8-Year-Old At Obama Victory Party

"Yay, daddy! Now we don't have to move to Canada!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Explaining Why He Had A Great Time In Bangkok's Discos

"Thai people can't dance, but they sure can bounce and jump."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard On Halloween: Girl Watching 'Jeepers Creepers'

"I find it hard to believe a demon would get vanity plates."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Flirting With/Attacking/Fantasizing With/Harassing Wal-Mart Greeter

Guy: "I wish I had some big ol' titties so I could whack you in the face with 'em."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Why You Must Vote On November 4th

Teen: "Her parents won't let her eat at McDonald's. No McDonald's, no Burger King, no Harvey's... No McDonald's! It's so sad. So, so sad."

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

Really Really Cheap Little Boy At The Really Really Free Market

Little Boy: (Grabbing used vacuum cleaner and dragging it away) "Okay guys, I got my mom her mother's day present!"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

Guy About To Spend Quite A Long Time In Wal-Mart

"I'm hungry for some shrimp...Wait, no...Yeah, but something else."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Wise-Beyond-Her-Years Girl

"I'm not doing tequila shots. I'm not a slut on spring break."

OVERHEARD BY KATE

Overheard Outside Target

"I just spent $87 on vitamins. Well, it wasn't ALL vitamins. I also bought a toothbrush."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'I'm Really Into That Whole Watchamacallit Stuff. You Know. That TV Stuff. With The Old Guys. Politics!'

College Girl On Cellphone: "Yeah, I was listening to. Um. That guy. You know..... McCain."

OVERHEARD BY STEPHANIE

'I Think You're Confusing A Blowjob With A Blowjob'

Tween 1: "I've never had alcohol."
Tween 2: "I have."
Tween 1: "That's 'cause you're a slut."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy On The F Train In Lower Manhattan

"Yeah it’s the same way I can tell you’re a hipster, I can tell he's anti-Semitic.”

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN

Woman With Big Plans For The Weekend

"I was thinking I would drill my tail hole before I paint it."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

'T-Shirts? Slurpees? Or, Er, Um...?'

Overheard in Wal-Mart parking lot:

Woman 1: "You know I like 'em large."
Woman 2: "Yeah, I know."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

And The Moral Is: Toothless People Like Movies?

A couple rents 24 movies at a rental store and is awarded bonus treats. Teen daughter goes to the ice cream cooler.

Teen: "Mom, do you want the sundae cone or that one with nuts?"
Mom: "I can't have them, I ain't got any teeth!
Teen: ...
Mom: "I'm getting my teeth for my birthday!"
Dad: "I've been waiting 20 years to get my two front teeth back, and here she goes to the dentist today and is getting a whole mouthful for her birthday."

OVERHEARD BY ALI

Two Nurses In A Hospital Elevator, Looking At Pieces Of Paper

"See? I told you there was no difference between night and day."

OVERHEARD BY SMONET

The King Of Wise Decisions

Guy: "I'm thinking of doing heroin, but just once. Do you think that's cool?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Couple Discussing Friend's Vacation Plans

Guy: "Wouldn't it be funny if she was actually selling her baby down in Mexico, and she ended up on 48 Hours Mystery, and we could say we knew her when?"
Girl: "I don't think you understand comedy."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Businessmen Leveraging Their Core Values (i.e. Drinking In A Bar)

Man 1: "I hate the word 'monetize.'"
Man 2: "What does it even mean?"
Man 1: "It means.... Maybe that's why I hate it."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Abbott And Costello Reincarnated And Reading A Textbook In A Café

Kid 1: "This doesn't make any sense."
Kid 2: "What is it?"
Kid 1: "I don't know."
Kid 2: "Then how do you know it doesn't make sense?"
Kid 1: "That's what I'm saying."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Future Politician At High School Football Game

Kid 1: "Hey, you have a dollar?"
Kid 2: "Yeah."
Kid 3: "Can I give you thirty cents for that dollar?"

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

The Problem With Shopping At An Art Fair

Girl: "I want a colorful T-shirt with my views and beliefs on it!"

OVERHEARD BY GAGE

Facetious Guy Watching Sarah Palin Being Cheered By Delegates

"She can't even control the crowd. How can she stand up to Putin?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Man Not Very Good At Flirting

"If you were a turkey, I would definitely pardon you."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'But Is It Organic?'

Cell Phone Woman: "He wants me to stop doing my pills and smoking crack, but he won't stop smoking weed. He says weed isn't a drug, 'cause it's natural. Well, cocaine is natural, too."

OVERHEARD BY BETH

Clerk At Cala Foods

"You have no idea what it's like to be a black man and be coughed on."

OVERHEARD BY LESLY

Woman Describing What She Saw To A Cop

"I don't think he knew the guy; I think he was just some unanimous guy."

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Overheard At Baja Burrito In Nashville

Customer: "What kind of fish is in the fish tacos?"
Worker: "Fried."

OVERHEARD BY JANA

One Pub Regular Chatting To Another

"When you have to go to work, do you phone the pub to say you can't come in?"

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Plus I'm Goddamn Classy'

Woman On MUNI: "Then why were you in the penitentiary? I was never in the penitentiary. Because I got motherfucking character."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Six-Year-Old Watching Cat Groom Itself

"He's in love with his butt. He keeps kissing it!"

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

She Would Make A Bad Vampire

Girl: "Ew! Ew! His veins were in my mouth!"
Guy: "Well, maybe you shouldn't have bit him."

OVERHEARD BY KIMBERLY

Woman Watching CNN News Crawl

"'Thirty-eight dead after being bitten by vampire bats.' ...Hmm. I guess they won't be dead for long."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'And I Think You'd Find Plenty Of Men Who'd Agree'

Woman: "You have no idea how satisfying it is to drill a really good hole."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Savvy Dieters In Grocery Store

"Let's get the carrot cake, instead, since it's healthy."

OVERHEARD BY SUSANNAH

'Well, It Is An Election Year'

Cellphone Guy: “Geez, you can tell you’re downtown by all the panhandlers. Are they trying to turn me into a Republican, or what?”

OVERHEARD BY SUSAN

7-Year-Old Boy Watching Extreme Home Makeover TV Show

“I wish we could get a sick baby so I could have a bowling alley in MY house!”

OVERHEARD BY JENNY

Woman (Slightly) Overestimating

"Wow, that's a really large couple. That's like 600 pounds of lovin'."

OVERHEARD BY TIM