Season's Greetings From Overheard Lines!

"Overheard Lines will go dark until 2007. Please make note of all the inane things your family says when you visit for the holidays and send them our way. Happy Merry!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who May Or May Not Be Having Black-Eyed Peas

"Let's stay in and cook on New Year's. We'll try to make something traditional but not disgusting."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Dude On Bus Who Must Be Friends With Bill O'Reilly

"Jon Stewart! I'm going to find the people that know him and find him and hit him in the face."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

The Walt Whitman Of Bums, On The Number Six Bus

"Dogs pee free, why can't we?"

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

SNL-Watching Woman

"It's a thin line between Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Guy Who Can Probably Also Beat Up People After Watching Popeye Cartoons

"I was listening to Bob Marley earlier today and it totally gave me the munchies."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Crazy Guy Riding BART

"Everybody! It's my fucking birthday! ... Who wants fennel?!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Said With Disdain Outside The Conde Nast Building

"Oh God! That is soooo Architectural Digest."

OVERHEARD BY ISAAC

Disillusioned Girl On Cellphone

"The restaurant actually had Two Buck Chuck on the menu! We asked him how much it was.... Thirteen bucks."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Identity Theft, Anyone?

Middle-Aged Cellphone Guy On BART During Crowded Afternoon Rush Hour: "Hey, yeah, I want the car. Since I'm not gonna be able to make it to the dealership before you close, I'll just give you my credit card number now...." :: proceeds to loudly speak his credit card number, expiration date and personal info into the phone -- then calls his wife and says he just bought a Mercedes ::

OVERHEARD BY KIRK

Possible Double Compliment, From Crazy Fat Guy With Cane

"Oh, my sister would love you.... She's a lesbian."

OVERHEARD BY SIOBHAN (FEMALE)

Girl With One Tiny Little Problem

"My only problem with driving is I drive in both lanes."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Little Girl In Next Stall Who Has More Bodily Functions Than Most

"I just went number twelve!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman With Two Ex-Husbands And One Plan For The Future

Woman: "Marriage is like a whole other world where everything from the rational world goes out the door. I plan to live in sin and have bastard children."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Thrift Store Workers Collecting Stuff On The Day Before Thanksgiving

Woman 1: "Why's it so busy today?"
Woman 2: "Everybody has family coming over and they don't want them to see how they really live."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM TIM

Guy Listening To The Smiths

"This is one of my favorite songs! I always think of it when I'm thinking of evil."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wise One Walking On Polk Street

"Sure I like sushi, but I'm not going to eat it in Colorado."

OVERHEARD BY AMY

Guy On The V.P.'s P.R.

"I wouldn't even trust Dick Cheney to wash my car. Not only would he do a bad job, he'd lie about it, too."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy At Airport, Miffed About Security Concerns Over Red Sauce

"Well, we wouldn't want Osama whipping up some penne pasta, now, would we?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Clever Guy Working Out The Details Of A Devious Plan

Girl: "I don’t want to go. Maybe I’ll gnaw my arm off."
Guy: "No, first get it caught in caught in a door so there’s an understanding of WHY you gnawed your arm off."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Getting Off The Phone With Her 15-Year-Old Sister

"She's my heart, she's my soul, and I want to punch her in the face."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Dudes At Coffee Shop, Perhaps Proposing Democratic Platform

Guy 1: "It should be 'Marijuana For Everyone.'"
Guy 2: "As long as they don't take mine."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl You Don't Wanna Mess With On Thursday

"Remind me I'm supposed to be nice on Wednesday."

OVERHEARD BY MK

So, Then, Isn't It Technically A Museum?

Cellphone Woman: "They have this awesome little shop. Except you can't buy anything there."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Sensitive Passenger On Haight Street Bus

"Someone's perfume on here is strong enough to choke a French whore."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

Eight Year Old Soon-To-Be-Insurance-Commissioner At Brunch

“My name is Tyler Lewis, and I approved this breakfast.”

OVERHEARD BY KERRY

Unadvisedly Curious Girl On Cellphone

"So tell me why you think my husband is a douchebag."

OVERHEARD BY EMILY

New Yorker Trying To Grasp The Geography Of The Red States

"Oklahoma... Now what state is that in?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Hillbillies Need Grooming, Too

Guy 1: "Hey, what's up?"
Guy 2: "Going to get my hair cut."
Guy 1: "Yeah, it's time for me to do that, too, but my barber done got thrown in jail."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Dad To Son Holding Balloon Sword/Penis

Dad: "Who made you this?"
Son: "A clown out on the sidewalk."
Dad: "Was he wearing pants?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Waitress Ruining All Romantic Notions Of Life At A BBQ Restaurant

Woman: "It smells so good in here!"
Waitress: "Yeah, you should smell my car, my house, my clothes... I wash them and they still smell like meat."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman Watching Dad Try To Get Stroller Through Coffee Shop Door

"You can always tell the new ones."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Matching Outfits? Or Beating Victims?

Woman: "You guys are twins!"
Other Woman: "We are! We're black and blue!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Maybe It's A Rare Buggles B-Side

Hippie Bum In Mission: "Fags killed rock and roll."

OVERHEARD BY JESSICA

Guy Yelling Through Car Window At Slow-Driving Woman At 9:15 AM

"They don't call it rush hour for nothing, lady!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard By A Water Sign

Man on N train: "I'm getting astrological sign change surgery. I'm a Libra right now but I don't feel like a fire sign. I need to be an earth sign. I'm thinking of becoming a Taurus."
Woman on N train: "Really? I'm a Taurus."
Man on N train: "Oh? When were you born?"
Woman on N train: "April 28th. Same as Hitler."

OVERHEARD BY TANIA

And The New Yorker Would Probably Caption It: "As Well They Should Be..."

Girl At DSW Shoe Warehouse Justifying Purchases To Friend: "All my dress shoes are on their last legs!"

OVERHEARD BY ELIZABETH

Girl Inventing "LYLAC"

"Jeff I love like a brother. Jason I love like a cellmate."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

High-Minded Theory On Low-Minded Films

"Movies have gotten so predictable that they're no longer funny. There's always a big conflict and then everything gets resolved. It takes the humor right out of it. Take the recent SpongeBob SquarePants movie, for instance...."

OVERHEARD BY EVAN

3-Year-Old In High Chair At Starbucks

"I like coffee!"

OVERHEARD BY EVAN

Man Yelling From Apartment Window To Blonde-Haired Person Crossing Street At Columbus And Kearney

"Attention blonde-haired people that are walking across the street: I am bringing sexy back."

OVERHEARD BY INGRID

Les Pauvres Enfants!

Girl 1: "So Jane got a job teaching music in French."
Girl 2: "That's great."
Girl 3: "She doesn't know any music.... Or French."

OVERHEARD BY EVAN

Wisest Girl Ever, To Her Brother

"You know what makes you just like everyone else? You think you're special."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Gen X And Gen Y Bookstore Employees Showing Their Age

Guy: "I used to love the Berenstain Bears. Then they betrayed me! My mom brought home 'The Berenstain Bears And Too Much TV' and I knew that night, no Sheriff Lobo."
Girl: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Guy: "Things from way before you were born, I guess."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Woman At End Of Play Finally Cluing In To The Process

"Oh my God! Someone wrote that!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM