Perfect For Today


Woman 1: "I can't believe it's March already!"

Woman 2: "Well, that's because it's not. It's a leap year."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

'That Explains Why Everyone Was Dressed Like Heinekens'

Girl: "Hey, Steve, what's the theme of your guys' party tonight?"
Steve: "Uhhhh, beer?"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Nervous Guy In Bar, Smiling Sheepishly At His Date

"Actually, I've never gotten a booty call."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Guy Giving Very, Very, Very Slight Compliment To His Friend

"You're like a sociopath, only a little more friendly."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman With Less Of A Glow Than Usual

Woman: "Ohhh, what are you having?"
Pregnant Woman: "A baby."
Woman: "Awww, what kind of baby?"
Pregnant Woman: "Human."
Woman: "Okay, well, good luck!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Logicians At SFO Airport

Girl: "Is that guy the pilot?"
Guy: "He's either the pilot or the co-pilot."
Girl: "God is my co-pilot."
Guy: "Then he must be the pilot."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Two Girls At The GAP

Girl 1: "Man, these shoes are killing my feet."
Girl 2: "Oooh, they sound cute. Let me see."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Could You Be Any More Vague?'

Student To Teacher: "Are some of these things in other things?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

'Even Though Two Of Them Are Dead'

Girl: "I would go out with the Beatles, 'cause they're so handsome and British."

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Things Only Musicians Can Say With A Straight Face

One Cellist To Another: "I'm gonna stick this in your f-hole!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Most Meaningless Gesture In The World

Man Who Never Locks His House, To His Out-Of-State Girlfriend:
"Remind me to have a set of house keys made for you."

OVERHEARD BY ABIGAIL

Two Women Who've Watched Too Much 'House, M.D.'

"Speaking of Lupus, how are you feeling?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Women In Social Security Office, On Subtle Safety Cues

Woman 1: "Nice blue color. Probably supposed to be for a calming effect, huh?"
Woman 2: "And if that doesn't work, we have the security guard."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

World's Most Ambivalent Superbowl Fan

Guy: "Go football teams! Win and lose!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Old Society Nob Hill Lady And Her Chauffeur

Her: "So there was a nasturtium in my salad, and then I ate it."
Him: (deadpan) "My that was eventful, I bet."

OVERHEARD BY JONATHAN

'It's Nice To See Young People Striving'

Two Girls In One Of The Science Buildings At Oregon State University:

Girl 1: "I’d be a genetic scientist if it didn’t take an ass-ton of math."
Girl 2: "That would be tight!"

OVERHEARD BY ROD

Co-Worker On Being Told To 'Keep Up The Good Work!'

"He has me confused with someone who has potential."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'What's The Worst That Could...Oh, Yeah, Right.'

Girl: "I used to work a crisis hotline, but I was really bad at it."

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

'If You'd Just Pay Attention.... It's Cannibalism, Duh!'

Mom and Little Girl in Portland Streetcar:
Mom: "So you're a pickle that eats humans?"
Girl: "NO! I'm a pickle that eats pickles!"

OVERHEARD BY LOTTIE

Two Obviously Bored (And Disturbed) Old Men In A Doughnut Shop

"I just wanna grab a 356 magnum and watch a rat explode."

OVERHEARD BY TOMMY

21-Year-Old Girl In North London, Reading A Picture Book To A Kid And Thinking It's Non-Fiction

"You know unicorns, yeah? Were they alive, like dinosaurs, yeah? Or are they another one of them myth things?"

OVERHEARD BY MIM

Budget-Conscious Romeo To Potential Juliet, In Palo Alto Dance Club

"Hey, is your shirt expensive? Because you look so hot in it, I can totally rip it off you right now, but I'd totally replace it, if it's not too expensive."

OVERHEARD BY EUGENIA

Girl In School Library, Realizing Her Picture's Been Tagged On Facebook

"Please don't tell me I look like my picture."

OVERHEARD BY MANSI

Stereotypes Come To Life In Haight-Ashbury

Guy: "Do you know what time it is, man? It's 4:19, man! That means we only have 1 minute left or we will be late. Hurry up!"

OVERHEARD BY GINA

Woman Sending Clear Signal To Poor Sap On Date

"I can't believe she made out with you! That makes me want to vomit."

OVERHEARD BY PEETIE

Women At A Restaurant

Woman 1: "How are you liking married life?"
Woman 2: "It's okay. He's the best one yet."

OVERHEARD BY TRISH

Couple Having World's Hottest Lunch

Girl: "It's hot. Really hot."
Guy: "A little blood just came out of my ears."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

College Girl At Hipster Coffee Shop

"I should have never taken a class where I only understood one word in the title."

OVERHEARD BY CHAELY C

Cellphone Guy Talking To Either That Guy From 'Man vs. Wild' Or Some Dude From A Really Weird Fetish Site

"So you were inside a dead camel? What did the guy filming it say?"

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Woman At New Year's Party, On The Perils Of Dating

"We watch different CSI's. We watch different Law & Order's. We're totally incompatible!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Explaining Why She Doesn't Like To Exercise

"It's just that I'm the sedimentary type."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICK

Gorgeous Redhead In Her Own Self-Defense

"The funny thing is, I wasn't ever a slut until after I had sex for the first time."

OVERHEARD BY TASHA

We're Hoping O.B. Comments On This One

Sister 1: "This country is so tasteless. I can't wait to go to Britain, where there's class."
Sister 2: "I hate Britain. It's just like America, only with unintelligible accents."

OVERHEARD BY SAHRA

Man (Possibly Stephen Colbert) On Bus

"I don't read books. They put too many ideas into my head."

OVERHEARD BY ANDY

Mother And Son Leaving Store On Xmas Eve

Mother: “Now we’re going home to take a nap.”
Child: “But I’m not tired.”
Mother: “You will be. I have some NyQuil.”

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

Seven Is The Reason For The Season

Man Leaving Mall, To Wife: "It's not how much you spend on presents; that's not what Christmas is about. It's about how many you give."

OVERHEARD BY GILLIAN

Merry Christmas From Uncle Scrooge

Wife, In Wal-Mart: "Now all we need to buy is her big gift."
Husband To Wife: "Are you kidding? That was $30 -- that is her big gift!"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

Best Compliment A Guy Could Receive On His Newly Grown Beard

Straight Friend: "What do you think?"
Gay Friend: "I like it.... Stay out of the Castro."

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Overheard In The Navy!

Sailor: "Sir, are we going to Singapore on the way back from deployment?"
Officer: "I believe that's the plan, but it's not final yet."
Sailor: "I hope we do. I've always wanted to go to Saudi Arabia."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Guy Who's Going Into It With The Right Attitude

"Yeah, Ed said he wants children someday -- a pack of feral children dressed in loincloths to protect him during the Apocalypse."

OVERHEARD BY CARRIE

Overheard At Yale University, On The Way Back From The Library

"Whoa. From this angle, it looked like you were picking your nose through the hole in my hat."

OVERHEARD BY KATIE

'So....Grace?'

Cellphone Lady: "Oh, we're like Will and Grace...only without the gay."

OVERHEARD BY SHANNIE

Time (Or Mentally) Challenged Clerks At Grocery Store

Clerk 1: "I heard it's your birthday tomorrow; how old are you going to be?"
Clerk 2: "24."
Clerk 1: "You're almost half a century old!"

OVERHEARD BY DAN

Several Girls Crowded Around Looking At Pictures On A Cellphone

"Okay, your ovaries are falling out of your body."

OVERHEARD BY MIKE

'Usually, Waking Up Is A Contraindication'

Guy In Bar: "He just went to sleep and then he woke up dead."

OVERHEARD BY TIM