Women Watching 'Deal Or No Deal' At Work

Woman 1: "You should get you one of those dresses and wear it for his birthday."
Woman 2: "Oh, no. I'm not like that."
Woman 1: "Yeah, they sure got their puppies way up there, don't they?"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

'So She's Really More Of An Investment'

Man In Wal-Mart: "This is my wife, but I get a crazy check for her every month."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy On MUNI: Your Place For Politics

"I've got to stop watching politics on TV. Last night I dreamt about Evan Bayh."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

A Bunch Of Old Farts At Breakfast

Old Guy 1: "Have I ever shown you pictures of my grandkids?"
Old Guy 2: "No, that's what I've always liked about you."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Who's Really, Really Lost

"Is that the Eiffel Tower?...Oh, no, it's an oil rig."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Motivational Speech By McDonald's Manager

Manager: "Smile! Let everybody see your teeth."
Employee: "What if you don't have any teeth?"
Manager: "Let 'em see your gums!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

We're Guessing She Meant Something Cleaner

Girl 1: "Can I do a small load at your house?"
Girl 2: "In my toilet?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'They Watch A Lot Of Nick At Nite In Budapest'

Girl Commenting About Her New Haircut: "I'm, like, one snip away from looking like Carol Brady. I guess that's what I get for going to a mall salon in a foreign country."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

A New Martin McDonagh Play, or If This Title Makes Sense To You, Then You Might Be A Theater Geek

Pregnant Woman: "Here, rub my belly." 

Coworker 1: "I'd rather not touch your stomach while you're pregnant. I don't want to give your baby any birth defects."
Coworker 2: "It's okay. I've kicked a pregnant woman before and her kid is fine. I'm pretty sure."
Pregnant Woman: "WHAT?!"
Coworker 2: "Well, she was attacking me. It was self-defense!"

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Girl At Jimmy Johns Sub Place

"I always order a pickle with my sandwich, but I have them cut it into quarters so I don't look like a big whore eating it."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Jovial Old Guy On Plane

"Eco-terrorism!? Ha ha. They make up words for everything these days!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Hail Romaine!'

Guy: "I hope they have pizza at this meeting."
Coworker: "I think they're just having chicken Caesar salad."
Guy: "Oh, I really just wanted Italian food, but I guess Roman food is fine."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Perfect For Today


Woman 1: "I can't believe it's March already!"

Woman 2: "Well, that's because it's not. It's a leap year."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

'That Explains Why Everyone Was Dressed Like Heinekens'

Girl: "Hey, Steve, what's the theme of your guys' party tonight?"
Steve: "Uhhhh, beer?"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Nervous Guy In Bar, Smiling Sheepishly At His Date

"Actually, I've never gotten a booty call."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Guy Giving Very, Very, Very Slight Compliment To His Friend

"You're like a sociopath, only a little more friendly."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Woman With Less Of A Glow Than Usual

Woman: "Ohhh, what are you having?"
Pregnant Woman: "A baby."
Woman: "Awww, what kind of baby?"
Pregnant Woman: "Human."
Woman: "Okay, well, good luck!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Logicians At SFO Airport

Girl: "Is that guy the pilot?"
Guy: "He's either the pilot or the co-pilot."
Girl: "God is my co-pilot."
Guy: "Then he must be the pilot."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Two Girls At The GAP

Girl 1: "Man, these shoes are killing my feet."
Girl 2: "Oooh, they sound cute. Let me see."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Could You Be Any More Vague?'

Student To Teacher: "Are some of these things in other things?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

'Even Though Two Of Them Are Dead'

Girl: "I would go out with the Beatles, 'cause they're so handsome and British."

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Things Only Musicians Can Say With A Straight Face

One Cellist To Another: "I'm gonna stick this in your f-hole!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Most Meaningless Gesture In The World

Man Who Never Locks His House, To His Out-Of-State Girlfriend:
"Remind me to have a set of house keys made for you."

OVERHEARD BY ABIGAIL

Two Women Who've Watched Too Much 'House, M.D.'

"Speaking of Lupus, how are you feeling?"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Women In Social Security Office, On Subtle Safety Cues

Woman 1: "Nice blue color. Probably supposed to be for a calming effect, huh?"
Woman 2: "And if that doesn't work, we have the security guard."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

World's Most Ambivalent Superbowl Fan

Guy: "Go football teams! Win and lose!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Old Society Nob Hill Lady And Her Chauffeur

Her: "So there was a nasturtium in my salad, and then I ate it."
Him: (deadpan) "My that was eventful, I bet."

OVERHEARD BY JONATHAN

'It's Nice To See Young People Striving'

Two Girls In One Of The Science Buildings At Oregon State University:

Girl 1: "I’d be a genetic scientist if it didn’t take an ass-ton of math."
Girl 2: "That would be tight!"

OVERHEARD BY ROD

Co-Worker On Being Told To 'Keep Up The Good Work!'

"He has me confused with someone who has potential."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'What's The Worst That Could...Oh, Yeah, Right.'

Girl: "I used to work a crisis hotline, but I was really bad at it."

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

'If You'd Just Pay Attention.... It's Cannibalism, Duh!'

Mom and Little Girl in Portland Streetcar:
Mom: "So you're a pickle that eats humans?"
Girl: "NO! I'm a pickle that eats pickles!"

OVERHEARD BY LOTTIE

Two Obviously Bored (And Disturbed) Old Men In A Doughnut Shop

"I just wanna grab a 356 magnum and watch a rat explode."

OVERHEARD BY TOMMY

21-Year-Old Girl In North London, Reading A Picture Book To A Kid And Thinking It's Non-Fiction

"You know unicorns, yeah? Were they alive, like dinosaurs, yeah? Or are they another one of them myth things?"

OVERHEARD BY MIM

Budget-Conscious Romeo To Potential Juliet, In Palo Alto Dance Club

"Hey, is your shirt expensive? Because you look so hot in it, I can totally rip it off you right now, but I'd totally replace it, if it's not too expensive."

OVERHEARD BY EUGENIA

Girl In School Library, Realizing Her Picture's Been Tagged On Facebook

"Please don't tell me I look like my picture."

OVERHEARD BY MANSI

Stereotypes Come To Life In Haight-Ashbury

Guy: "Do you know what time it is, man? It's 4:19, man! That means we only have 1 minute left or we will be late. Hurry up!"

OVERHEARD BY GINA

Woman Sending Clear Signal To Poor Sap On Date

"I can't believe she made out with you! That makes me want to vomit."

OVERHEARD BY PEETIE

Women At A Restaurant

Woman 1: "How are you liking married life?"
Woman 2: "It's okay. He's the best one yet."

OVERHEARD BY TRISH

Couple Having World's Hottest Lunch

Girl: "It's hot. Really hot."
Guy: "A little blood just came out of my ears."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

College Girl At Hipster Coffee Shop

"I should have never taken a class where I only understood one word in the title."

OVERHEARD BY CHAELY C

Cellphone Guy Talking To Either That Guy From 'Man vs. Wild' Or Some Dude From A Really Weird Fetish Site

"So you were inside a dead camel? What did the guy filming it say?"

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Woman At New Year's Party, On The Perils Of Dating

"We watch different CSI's. We watch different Law & Order's. We're totally incompatible!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Girl Explaining Why She Doesn't Like To Exercise

"It's just that I'm the sedimentary type."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICK

Gorgeous Redhead In Her Own Self-Defense

"The funny thing is, I wasn't ever a slut until after I had sex for the first time."

OVERHEARD BY TASHA

We're Hoping O.B. Comments On This One

Sister 1: "This country is so tasteless. I can't wait to go to Britain, where there's class."
Sister 2: "I hate Britain. It's just like America, only with unintelligible accents."

OVERHEARD BY SAHRA