Chuck Todd, Slaughtering The Very Thing He's Talking About

"There is reasons to use language the way we use it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard At High School Awards Ceremony

Biology Teacher: "Hey, if the English teacher can read a poem, I can bring out a human skull, okay?"

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Older Man To Couple, Unknowingly Continuing Our Junk Food Theme

"They're damn Oreos. You know you're gonna want more than that."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy On Those Little 100 Calorie Packs

"That's just enough Doritos to piss me off."

OVERHEARD BY LLOYD

Brave Girl Willing To Suffer For Her, Um...

Girl 1: "I like those jeans on you."
Girl 2: "I do too but they're made out of a really heavy material. It would take me twice as long to walk home if it rained and they got wet."

OVERHEARD BY CALISTRO

'Unless It's A Cactus'

Girl 1: "I just love my new plants, but I threw away the instructions!"
Girl 2: "Uh, add water."

OVERHEARD BY IRIS

'I Think He Also Sings "Hotel California"'

Guy 1: "Hey, do you know who sings Itsy Bitsy Spider?"
Guy 2: "Um, I think my mom.... No, my dad!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Proof That Context Is Everything (Which Is Why We Rarely Provide Any)

Man In Airport, Loudly, To His Wife: "The Invisible Gorilla has escaped!"

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

Homeless Guy In The Mission, Yelling To His Friend

"Dude, you better be careful, cause if you die, I'm gonna be mad as hell at you. And if your ghost comes back, I'll kill it!"

OVERHEARD BY REESE

I'm Sure Our Readers Could Come Up With Many Reasons (And Put Them In The Comments Section)

Girl: "I just don't understand it. Why would you step on a fish?"
Guy: "I completely understand it. Why wouldn't you step on a fish?"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Guy Grabbing His Beer Belly, Shaking It At A Baseball Game Vendor Selling Light Beer

“LIGHT BEER!!? You think I got THIS by drinking LIGHT BEER?!!!”

OVERHEARD BY MIKE

Social Work Professor To Classroom

"If you need all of your clients to like you, you should be a bartender."

OVERHEARD BY LOREN

24-Year-Old, In Response To Her High Score On An IQ Test

"This will show those people who think I'm more stupider than I really am!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

'One Wins Every Single Election That Their Country Holds; The Other's A Democrat'

Girl states she doesn't think "just anyone" should be able to vote in presidential elections.
Guy: "What, you're not a Communist, are you?"
Girl: "I don't really know the difference between Communists and Democrats."

OVERHEARD BY AME

Overheard In The Double-U, A, L, Squizzle, M, A, R, T

Woman: "Where's my shopping cart?"
Man: "I moved it over there. You know how that song goes, 'ya park it like it's hot'? I parked it like you got groceries."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

In A Very Quiet Office

"Will somebody make some noise so I can bite my apple?"

OVERHEARD BY TIFFANY

High School Student At Lowell High School

"She's a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way."

OVERHEARD BY EMILY

'Do You Have Enough For Everyone?'

Girl to Guy: "If you do that, you won't get a treat. And you know what I mean by treat."

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Woman At Rock Concert Seriously Underestimating Her Mother's Intelligence

Woman: "Would you like some earplugs, Mom?"
Mom: "Yes."
Woman: "Here you go. Do you know how to use them?"

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Practical Man Eating A Bowl Of Beans

"If I stop eating for too long, I might realize I'm full."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Mum Defending Her Dog To Grumpy Colleague

Colleague: "She barks every time someone walks past the house. It drives me mad!"
Mum: "Well, don't you say hello to people when you see them?"
Colleague: "Not bloody strangers I don't!"

OVERHEARD BY LOST DREAMER

Nerds In Love

Guy: "You're such a big nerd, but I still love you."
Girl: "I'm not a nerd, I'm an intellect!"
Guy: "Okay, see, right there...."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Non-San Franciscans Will Have No Idea What This Means

Dude Walking Down Valencia Street: "I could never date a Mission girl. She'd see right through me."

OVERHEARD BY JACQUI

'He's A Busy Guy; He's Got Places To Be...."

Girl 1: "I can't believe daylight savings was last week and Easter is this month, too."
Girl 2: "I thought easter was in April."
Girl 1: "Not this year."
Girl 2: "What, did Jesus rise up early this year!?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'Some Names Are Just Too Un-American To Handle'

Omry: "I want a meal number five."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. Anything else?"
Omry: "No."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. What's your name?"
Omry: "Omry."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Uhhh.... Mike?"
Omry: (sighs) "...Mike."

OVERHEARD BY YANIV

Overheard In Medical School

Instructor: "When interviewing a male patient about how much alcohol he drinks, multiply his answer by 2; for his sex life, divide his answer by two."
Male Student: "What about female patients?"
Female Student (From The Back Of The Room): "Multiply both by five!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

Little Girl With A Clear Case Of Cabin Fever

"I'm gonna jump up and down until I get a bad, bad spanking."

OVERHEARD BY JIM

World's Best Way To Start A Story

Old Guy: "You see that bar over there? That's a gay bar. Now, I didn't know that at first...."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'Cause You Look So Humongously...I Mean, Cause You're Such A Giant...I Mean...Congratulations'

Woman At Baby Shower: "Hey, maybe you'll have a 15 pound baby!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Women Watching 'Deal Or No Deal' At Work

Woman 1: "You should get you one of those dresses and wear it for his birthday."
Woman 2: "Oh, no. I'm not like that."
Woman 1: "Yeah, they sure got their puppies way up there, don't they?"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

'So She's Really More Of An Investment'

Man In Wal-Mart: "This is my wife, but I get a crazy check for her every month."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy On MUNI: Your Place For Politics

"I've got to stop watching politics on TV. Last night I dreamt about Evan Bayh."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

A Bunch Of Old Farts At Breakfast

Old Guy 1: "Have I ever shown you pictures of my grandkids?"
Old Guy 2: "No, that's what I've always liked about you."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Guy Who's Really, Really Lost

"Is that the Eiffel Tower?...Oh, no, it's an oil rig."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Motivational Speech By McDonald's Manager

Manager: "Smile! Let everybody see your teeth."
Employee: "What if you don't have any teeth?"
Manager: "Let 'em see your gums!"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

We're Guessing She Meant Something Cleaner

Girl 1: "Can I do a small load at your house?"
Girl 2: "In my toilet?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'They Watch A Lot Of Nick At Nite In Budapest'

Girl Commenting About Her New Haircut: "I'm, like, one snip away from looking like Carol Brady. I guess that's what I get for going to a mall salon in a foreign country."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

A New Martin McDonagh Play, or If This Title Makes Sense To You, Then You Might Be A Theater Geek

Pregnant Woman: "Here, rub my belly." 

Coworker 1: "I'd rather not touch your stomach while you're pregnant. I don't want to give your baby any birth defects."
Coworker 2: "It's okay. I've kicked a pregnant woman before and her kid is fine. I'm pretty sure."
Pregnant Woman: "WHAT?!"
Coworker 2: "Well, she was attacking me. It was self-defense!"

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

Girl At Jimmy Johns Sub Place

"I always order a pickle with my sandwich, but I have them cut it into quarters so I don't look like a big whore eating it."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Jovial Old Guy On Plane

"Eco-terrorism!? Ha ha. They make up words for everything these days!"

OVERHEARD BY MK

'Hail Romaine!'

Guy: "I hope they have pizza at this meeting."
Coworker: "I think they're just having chicken Caesar salad."
Guy: "Oh, I really just wanted Italian food, but I guess Roman food is fine."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Perfect For Today


Woman 1: "I can't believe it's March already!"

Woman 2: "Well, that's because it's not. It's a leap year."

OVERHEARD BY MARGOT

'That Explains Why Everyone Was Dressed Like Heinekens'

Girl: "Hey, Steve, what's the theme of your guys' party tonight?"
Steve: "Uhhhh, beer?"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Nervous Guy In Bar, Smiling Sheepishly At His Date

"Actually, I've never gotten a booty call."

OVERHEARD BY MARIANNA

Guy Giving Very, Very, Very Slight Compliment To His Friend

"You're like a sociopath, only a little more friendly."

OVERHEARD BY MK