Starbucks Baristas Are Trained To Be Upbeat And Friendly

Barista: "So what are you doing today?"
Woman: "Going to a funeral."
Barista: "Oh, that should be fun!"

OVERHEARD BY JULIE

Two Blokes Discussing 'Soccer' In A Lincoln, UK, Pub

Bloke 1: "I hear England's new coach is going to bar wives and girlfriends from the hotel before matches."
Bloke 2: "So, they'll be even bigger wankers than they are now."

OVERHEARD BY O.B.

'Mmm, Girl, I See It Right There On Your Hips, Heyyyy"

Woman: "I wonder if I have as much chocolate on me as I think I have."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy On The Brink Of A Realization

"Whenever I go in a room, all you ladies go out."

OVERHEARD BY BONNIE

Why IT Guys Hate Everyone Else In The World

User: "Every time I type something it comes out in all capital letters. Do you have a manual for the keyboard?"
IT Guy: "Have you tried the CAPS LOCK key?"

OVERHEARD BY ADRIAN

Guy Discussing His Vacation Plans

"I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy."

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

Overheard Lines Is On A Four-Day Holiday

"Back on Tuesday the 8th. Have an independent weekend."

SAID BY TIM

Probably Not The Girl In The Last Post

"I got a dress with a higher neckline and when I got the pictures back I looked like a 40 year old soccer mom! My mom said she liked it and all my other dresses look a little slutty. But I don't care if my tits fall in the salad, I'm not wearing that soccer mom dress again!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

'Depends What The Meaning Of "Big" Is'

"No, the 32 double-A is just too big."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

After A Near-Fatality When A Child Fell Into A Hole Dug By Geologists

"Well, if those gynecologists hadn't left that hole uncovered...."

OVERHEARD BY PATRICIA

'Because I'm Pretty Sure Either One Is Possible'

Guy: "I stopped at the Gay Pride Festival and bought a sausage."
Girl: "Literally or figuratively?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard On The T Train

Boy 1: "This is the Church Street stop. Do you want to go to the Church Street stop? Hey, do you want to go to the Church?"
Boy 2: "Wanna go to the Church? Are you trying to hit on her?"
Boy 1: "No! If I were hitting on her I would ask if she wanted to get off at Orgasm Street."

OVERHEARD BY CHANTAE

Overheard In A Movie Theater After The First Lord Of The Rings Movie

Girl 1: "There's gonna be a sequel, right?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, it's a trilogy; there's six of them."

OVERHEARD BY MOLLY

Step One: Stop Ingesting Them First....

Guy Smoking A Cigarette While Drinking A Beer: "You should go jump in the pool if you're so hot!"
Girl Smoking A Cigarette While Drinking A Beer: "I can't. I need to sweat all of the toxins out of my system!!!"

OVERHEARD BY HEATHER

And You Can Almost Hear All The Sarcastic Options Running Through His Head

Boss: "Hey, Mark!"
Mark: "Yeah?!"
Boss: "Are you still here?"

OVERHEARD BY MEGAN

American Guy Apparently On His Way To Meet An Irish Stereotype

Guy: "She's Irish, so I really hope at some point she says, 'Shut yer piehole!'"
Girl: "I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that would violate the Piehole Code."
Guy: "First rule of piehole: There is no Piehole Code."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard Lines: The One-Act Play

Guy: "Your cottage at the lake sounds like a good time. Does it have air conditioning?"
Girl: "Uh, no, it doesn't even have a shower!"
Guy: "So, all those times you asked me to go up there, and you never mentioned that it didn't have a shower or AC?"
Girl: "Yeah, we're like the Beverly Hillbillies of the lake."
Guy: "Where do you shower then?"
Girl: "We don't. Or if we do, we do it in the lake."
Guy: "You shower IN the lake?!?"
Girl: "Yeah, do you know how embarrassing it is to stick a loofa between your legs in front of your uncle?"
Guy: "Can't say that I do..."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Overheard On The 43 MUNI Bus As It Careened Around A Corner

"Is Sandra Bullock at the wheel or what?"

OVERHEARD BY ANGELA

It's 'Jaws' Meets 'Cinnabon' At A Highway Rest Stop

Out-Of-Breath Cinnabon Manager To Employees After Running In From Outside: "Three buses. All kids. We're gonna need more buns."

OVERHEARD BY JAMES

Mother To Child Running Through Museum

"Don't run away with your imagination!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Two Reluctant Dieters Choosing Between Chef's Salad And Salad Bar

"The problem with the Chef's Salad is that it's so finite."

OVERHEARD BY CLAIRE

The Problem With Being Both Hard Of Hearing And Dirty Of Mind

Man: "Aha! I finally found the seam in the plastic!"
Woman: "Semen plastic??? I don't want any of that cheese!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Brother And Sister Talking About, Um....

Boy: "See, it's gonna be about this tall [holds up hands for description], and this big [pinches fingers together]."
Girl: "Mhmm."
Boy: "Yeah, it's gonna be just like this french fry. Gonna be this tall [holds up hands again] and this big [holds up french fry]."
Girl: "Yep."
*silence*
Girl: "Actually, I have no idea what you're talking about anymore."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy Making Theatre Geek Insult About Hefty Innkeeper In Ashland,OR

"Didn't you want to ask that guy if he ever played Falstaff, except that that would be rude?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard At Denny's At 3 AM

"I could be wrong, but there may or may not be a live turkey in here..."

OVERHEARD BY SHAHALA

Guess He's Not A Movie Buff

Lady Waiting For J Train: "Hey, you ever seen 'Pulp Fiction'?"
Dog: [silence, sits down on sidewalk]

OVERHEARD BY LIAM

Girl Planning For Her Future

Girl 1: "You can eat anything in prison."
Girl 2: "Naw, they just give you bread and water."
Girl 2: "Not in Celebrity Prison."
Girl 1: "You're not a celebrity."
Girl 2: "Yes, I am."
Girl 1: "I never heard of you."
Girl 2: "Not yet."

OVERHEARD BY KIMBERLY

Lady At Children's Play Place Holding Teething Infant

"That was a really long drawn out story, with lots of drooling and biting involved."

OVERHEARD BY APRIL

'Wrong' Is A Four-Letter Word

Girl: "What's your locker combo? Isn't it 'cheese'?"
Guy 1: "It needs to be five letters..."
Guy 2: "Cheese is a five-letter word."

OVERHEARD BY TOBYLURIO

Kid Who Needs To Work On His Poker Face

Kid: "Who would throw chess pieces out a window?!?"
Teacher: "You!"
Kid: "Heh heh...Yeah..."

OVERHEARD BY TOBYLURIO

Chuck Todd, Slaughtering The Very Thing He's Talking About

"There is reasons to use language the way we use it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard At High School Awards Ceremony

Biology Teacher: "Hey, if the English teacher can read a poem, I can bring out a human skull, okay?"

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Older Man To Couple, Unknowingly Continuing Our Junk Food Theme

"They're damn Oreos. You know you're gonna want more than that."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy On Those Little 100 Calorie Packs

"That's just enough Doritos to piss me off."

OVERHEARD BY LLOYD

Brave Girl Willing To Suffer For Her, Um...

Girl 1: "I like those jeans on you."
Girl 2: "I do too but they're made out of a really heavy material. It would take me twice as long to walk home if it rained and they got wet."

OVERHEARD BY CALISTRO

'Unless It's A Cactus'

Girl 1: "I just love my new plants, but I threw away the instructions!"
Girl 2: "Uh, add water."

OVERHEARD BY IRIS

'I Think He Also Sings "Hotel California"'

Guy 1: "Hey, do you know who sings Itsy Bitsy Spider?"
Guy 2: "Um, I think my mom.... No, my dad!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Proof That Context Is Everything (Which Is Why We Rarely Provide Any)

Man In Airport, Loudly, To His Wife: "The Invisible Gorilla has escaped!"

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

Homeless Guy In The Mission, Yelling To His Friend

"Dude, you better be careful, cause if you die, I'm gonna be mad as hell at you. And if your ghost comes back, I'll kill it!"

OVERHEARD BY REESE

I'm Sure Our Readers Could Come Up With Many Reasons (And Put Them In The Comments Section)

Girl: "I just don't understand it. Why would you step on a fish?"
Guy: "I completely understand it. Why wouldn't you step on a fish?"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Guy Grabbing His Beer Belly, Shaking It At A Baseball Game Vendor Selling Light Beer

“LIGHT BEER!!? You think I got THIS by drinking LIGHT BEER?!!!”

OVERHEARD BY MIKE

Social Work Professor To Classroom

"If you need all of your clients to like you, you should be a bartender."

OVERHEARD BY LOREN

24-Year-Old, In Response To Her High Score On An IQ Test

"This will show those people who think I'm more stupider than I really am!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

'One Wins Every Single Election That Their Country Holds; The Other's A Democrat'

Girl states she doesn't think "just anyone" should be able to vote in presidential elections.
Guy: "What, you're not a Communist, are you?"
Girl: "I don't really know the difference between Communists and Democrats."

OVERHEARD BY AME

Overheard In The Double-U, A, L, Squizzle, M, A, R, T

Woman: "Where's my shopping cart?"
Man: "I moved it over there. You know how that song goes, 'ya park it like it's hot'? I parked it like you got groceries."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE