And You Can Almost Hear All The Sarcastic Options Running Through His Head

Boss: "Hey, Mark!"
Mark: "Yeah?!"
Boss: "Are you still here?"

OVERHEARD BY MEGAN

American Guy Apparently On His Way To Meet An Irish Stereotype

Guy: "She's Irish, so I really hope at some point she says, 'Shut yer piehole!'"
Girl: "I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that would violate the Piehole Code."
Guy: "First rule of piehole: There is no Piehole Code."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Overheard Lines: The One-Act Play

Guy: "Your cottage at the lake sounds like a good time. Does it have air conditioning?"
Girl: "Uh, no, it doesn't even have a shower!"
Guy: "So, all those times you asked me to go up there, and you never mentioned that it didn't have a shower or AC?"
Girl: "Yeah, we're like the Beverly Hillbillies of the lake."
Guy: "Where do you shower then?"
Girl: "We don't. Or if we do, we do it in the lake."
Guy: "You shower IN the lake?!?"
Girl: "Yeah, do you know how embarrassing it is to stick a loofa between your legs in front of your uncle?"
Guy: "Can't say that I do..."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Overheard On The 43 MUNI Bus As It Careened Around A Corner

"Is Sandra Bullock at the wheel or what?"

OVERHEARD BY ANGELA

It's 'Jaws' Meets 'Cinnabon' At A Highway Rest Stop

Out-Of-Breath Cinnabon Manager To Employees After Running In From Outside: "Three buses. All kids. We're gonna need more buns."

OVERHEARD BY JAMES

Mother To Child Running Through Museum

"Don't run away with your imagination!"

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Two Reluctant Dieters Choosing Between Chef's Salad And Salad Bar

"The problem with the Chef's Salad is that it's so finite."

OVERHEARD BY CLAIRE

The Problem With Being Both Hard Of Hearing And Dirty Of Mind

Man: "Aha! I finally found the seam in the plastic!"
Woman: "Semen plastic??? I don't want any of that cheese!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Brother And Sister Talking About, Um....

Boy: "See, it's gonna be about this tall [holds up hands for description], and this big [pinches fingers together]."
Girl: "Mhmm."
Boy: "Yeah, it's gonna be just like this french fry. Gonna be this tall [holds up hands again] and this big [holds up french fry]."
Girl: "Yep."
*silence*
Girl: "Actually, I have no idea what you're talking about anymore."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Guy Making Theatre Geek Insult About Hefty Innkeeper In Ashland,OR

"Didn't you want to ask that guy if he ever played Falstaff, except that that would be rude?"

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard At Denny's At 3 AM

"I could be wrong, but there may or may not be a live turkey in here..."

OVERHEARD BY SHAHALA

Guess He's Not A Movie Buff

Lady Waiting For J Train: "Hey, you ever seen 'Pulp Fiction'?"
Dog: [silence, sits down on sidewalk]

OVERHEARD BY LIAM

Girl Planning For Her Future

Girl 1: "You can eat anything in prison."
Girl 2: "Naw, they just give you bread and water."
Girl 2: "Not in Celebrity Prison."
Girl 1: "You're not a celebrity."
Girl 2: "Yes, I am."
Girl 1: "I never heard of you."
Girl 2: "Not yet."

OVERHEARD BY KIMBERLY

Lady At Children's Play Place Holding Teething Infant

"That was a really long drawn out story, with lots of drooling and biting involved."

OVERHEARD BY APRIL

'Wrong' Is A Four-Letter Word

Girl: "What's your locker combo? Isn't it 'cheese'?"
Guy 1: "It needs to be five letters..."
Guy 2: "Cheese is a five-letter word."

OVERHEARD BY TOBYLURIO

Kid Who Needs To Work On His Poker Face

Kid: "Who would throw chess pieces out a window?!?"
Teacher: "You!"
Kid: "Heh heh...Yeah..."

OVERHEARD BY TOBYLURIO

Chuck Todd, Slaughtering The Very Thing He's Talking About

"There is reasons to use language the way we use it."

OVERHEARD BY MK

Overheard At High School Awards Ceremony

Biology Teacher: "Hey, if the English teacher can read a poem, I can bring out a human skull, okay?"

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

Older Man To Couple, Unknowingly Continuing Our Junk Food Theme

"They're damn Oreos. You know you're gonna want more than that."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Guy On Those Little 100 Calorie Packs

"That's just enough Doritos to piss me off."

OVERHEARD BY LLOYD

Brave Girl Willing To Suffer For Her, Um...

Girl 1: "I like those jeans on you."
Girl 2: "I do too but they're made out of a really heavy material. It would take me twice as long to walk home if it rained and they got wet."

OVERHEARD BY CALISTRO

'Unless It's A Cactus'

Girl 1: "I just love my new plants, but I threw away the instructions!"
Girl 2: "Uh, add water."

OVERHEARD BY IRIS

'I Think He Also Sings "Hotel California"'

Guy 1: "Hey, do you know who sings Itsy Bitsy Spider?"
Guy 2: "Um, I think my mom.... No, my dad!"

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Proof That Context Is Everything (Which Is Why We Rarely Provide Any)

Man In Airport, Loudly, To His Wife: "The Invisible Gorilla has escaped!"

OVERHEARD BY ERIN

Homeless Guy In The Mission, Yelling To His Friend

"Dude, you better be careful, cause if you die, I'm gonna be mad as hell at you. And if your ghost comes back, I'll kill it!"

OVERHEARD BY REESE

I'm Sure Our Readers Could Come Up With Many Reasons (And Put Them In The Comments Section)

Girl: "I just don't understand it. Why would you step on a fish?"
Guy: "I completely understand it. Why wouldn't you step on a fish?"

OVERHEARD BY SARAH

Guy Grabbing His Beer Belly, Shaking It At A Baseball Game Vendor Selling Light Beer

“LIGHT BEER!!? You think I got THIS by drinking LIGHT BEER?!!!”

OVERHEARD BY MIKE

Social Work Professor To Classroom

"If you need all of your clients to like you, you should be a bartender."

OVERHEARD BY LOREN

24-Year-Old, In Response To Her High Score On An IQ Test

"This will show those people who think I'm more stupider than I really am!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

'One Wins Every Single Election That Their Country Holds; The Other's A Democrat'

Girl states she doesn't think "just anyone" should be able to vote in presidential elections.
Guy: "What, you're not a Communist, are you?"
Girl: "I don't really know the difference between Communists and Democrats."

OVERHEARD BY AME

Overheard In The Double-U, A, L, Squizzle, M, A, R, T

Woman: "Where's my shopping cart?"
Man: "I moved it over there. You know how that song goes, 'ya park it like it's hot'? I parked it like you got groceries."

OVERHEARD BY LADYOFTHEICE

In A Very Quiet Office

"Will somebody make some noise so I can bite my apple?"

OVERHEARD BY TIFFANY

High School Student At Lowell High School

"She's a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way."

OVERHEARD BY EMILY

'Do You Have Enough For Everyone?'

Girl to Guy: "If you do that, you won't get a treat. And you know what I mean by treat."

OVERHEARD BY ZOE

Woman At Rock Concert Seriously Underestimating Her Mother's Intelligence

Woman: "Would you like some earplugs, Mom?"
Mom: "Yes."
Woman: "Here you go. Do you know how to use them?"

OVERHEARD BY JEFF

Practical Man Eating A Bowl Of Beans

"If I stop eating for too long, I might realize I'm full."

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER

Mum Defending Her Dog To Grumpy Colleague

Colleague: "She barks every time someone walks past the house. It drives me mad!"
Mum: "Well, don't you say hello to people when you see them?"
Colleague: "Not bloody strangers I don't!"

OVERHEARD BY LOST DREAMER

Nerds In Love

Guy: "You're such a big nerd, but I still love you."
Girl: "I'm not a nerd, I'm an intellect!"
Guy: "Okay, see, right there...."

OVERHEARD BY WHURLEY

Non-San Franciscans Will Have No Idea What This Means

Dude Walking Down Valencia Street: "I could never date a Mission girl. She'd see right through me."

OVERHEARD BY JACQUI

'He's A Busy Guy; He's Got Places To Be...."

Girl 1: "I can't believe daylight savings was last week and Easter is this month, too."
Girl 2: "I thought easter was in April."
Girl 1: "Not this year."
Girl 2: "What, did Jesus rise up early this year!?"

OVERHEARD BY MICHELLE

'Some Names Are Just Too Un-American To Handle'

Omry: "I want a meal number five."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. Anything else?"
Omry: "No."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Okay. What's your name?"
Omry: "Omry."
Jack-In-The-Box Worker: "Uhhh.... Mike?"
Omry: (sighs) "...Mike."

OVERHEARD BY YANIV

Overheard In Medical School

Instructor: "When interviewing a male patient about how much alcohol he drinks, multiply his answer by 2; for his sex life, divide his answer by two."
Male Student: "What about female patients?"
Female Student (From The Back Of The Room): "Multiply both by five!"

OVERHEARD BY WALT

Little Girl With A Clear Case Of Cabin Fever

"I'm gonna jump up and down until I get a bad, bad spanking."

OVERHEARD BY JIM

World's Best Way To Start A Story

Old Guy: "You see that bar over there? That's a gay bar. Now, I didn't know that at first...."

OVERHEARD BY TIM

'Cause You Look So Humongously...I Mean, Cause You're Such A Giant...I Mean...Congratulations'

Woman At Baby Shower: "Hey, maybe you'll have a 15 pound baby!"

OVERHEARD BY TASNICKER