'Oh My God, Can't You Even, Like, Read?'

Girl 1: "So did you go to Pennsylvania yourself or did someone else go and bring you back the shirt?"
Girl 2: (Looks at her shirt) "You mean did I go to Philadelphia?"

OVERHEARD BY DANIELLE

Old Guy Walking Past Tattoo Parlor

"Got anything you wanna spruce up?"

OVERHEARD BY TIM

Wrong Woman Asks Wrong Woman About Wrong Woman

Woman 1: "I can't believe that Mary Matalin is going to marry James Carville."
Woman 2: "You mean Marlee Matlin, the actress that's deaf?"
Woman 1: "No Mary Matalin, the Repulican Campaign manager. (To Woman 3) Hey, do you know who Mary Matalin is?"
Woman 3: "You mean Jesus' mother?"

OVERHEARD BY KIM

Maybe That's WHY She Wanted A Small

Petite Customer: "Can I have a small in this dress?"
Girl 1 At Counter: "Sure."
Girl 2 At Counter: "Give her a large, she's got a bit of bust."

OVERHEARD BY ANN

It's Good To Have Goals

A Kid's First Time To Sleep Outdoors, In A Little Playhouse In The Backyard:
Grannie: "You can come inside if you get scared."
Kid: "No, I'm gonna stay out here until I feel completely unsafe."

OVERHEARD BY JENNIFER

We Blame She's Teacher

Girl: "I've failed all of my English quizzes until now. It's not mine fault, though."

OVERHEARD BY ANNA

Bad Sales Job At Blockbusters

Mother: "I want a feel-good movie."
Son: "I think this horror movie ends happy."

OVERHEARD BY PSYGUY

Customer In Restaurant, Sweet-Talking About His Wife

"She's mad because I took her napkin. I took her virginity twenty years ago, and she's worried about her napkin...."

OVERHEARD BY MELISSA

Wannabe Pick-Up Artists In SF Cafe

Guy 1: "You should gain a lot of weight."
Guy 2: "Why?"
Guy 1: "So people will stop thinking you're gay."

OVERHEARD BY MK

'No, That's DAFT'

Woman Doing Crossword Puzzle: “What does DEA stand for again? Drugs, Alcohol and Firearms?”

OVERHEARD BY TIM

How To Win Friends And Lose Spouses

Guy 1: "How's your wife?"
Guy 2: "Not as good as yours, but she'll do."

OVERHEARD BY SHIPBOB

'Pot? Do They Mean Kettle?'

Girl Reading: "'Ignorant'.... (looks to teacher) Do they mean 'stupid'?"

OVERHEARD BY EVA

Jesus Is The Reason For The Operation

Lady In A Catholic Church: "I swear, when I get my tummy tuck, I'm getting fat injections in my knees. All this fricking kneeling is KILLING me!"

OVERHEARD BY ALICIA

At The Apple Store

Girl: "My friend's getting my old laptop. It's a Dell."
Sales Guy: "That's not a gift! That's a cross to bear!"

OVERHEARD BY LIZZ

Wonder If This Conversation Was Repeated Two Hundred Times?

Husband: "This is so cool! I wonder how much it is?"
Wife: "Honey, you're in the Dollar Store."

OVERHEARD BY TRISH

Girls In Need Of Remedial Geography

Girl 1: "Do people live in South America?"
Girl 2: "Duh, that's where Spain is."

OVERHEARD BY KRISTEN

Old Folks Say The Darndedest Things, Or, Send This To Penthouse, Stat!

Old Guy: "I am stiff all over."
His Wife: "Then shouldn't we get back upstairs to the bedroom? Quickly."

OVERHEARD BY LADY MACLEOD

Kids Say The Darndedest Things, Or, Send This To That Family Circus Guy, Stat!

Father: "What flavor ice cream do you want?"
Son: "Do they have blue?"

OVERHEARD BY PSYGUY

'In Your Face, Baby Human'

Girl: "So do you think that crawfish are just baby lobsters?"
Boy: "What? No. They have two different names."
Girl: "Well, tadpoles are baby frogs…how do you explain that!"

OVERHEARD BY ADRIENE

'No Hablo Pizza'

Old Man Ordering Food At Italian Restaurant:
Man: "I'll have the spaghetti Mariana."
Waitress: "Do you mean Mar-IN-ara?"
Man: "Yeah, that. I dont speak Italian."

OVERHEARD BY ANDREA

Two Men Outside A Waterside Pub, Watching Blind People Board A Boat For A Sight-Seeing Trip

Man 1: "Odd, isn't it? Blind people on a sightseeing trip."
Man 2: " Not really. There's bugger-all to see."

OVERHEARD BY OLD BOLINGBROKE

Tactful Waiter (In Singapore) Dissuading Woman From Breast-Feeding In Public

"I'm sorry ma'am, there's no outside food allowed."

OVERHEARD BY J LIM

No Sympathy For The Middle-Aged And Unattached

Woman 1: "I'm going to die, alone, in this house."
Woman 2: "Upstairs or downstairs?"

OVERHEARD BY MARY